6 days away!

Oct 02, 2012

 SO many mixed emotions for me right now.  I can see that I'm trying to lose myself in the small details rather than think about the actual surgery. So much easier to worry about reading protein reviews, ordering vitamins, planning meals for my family while I'm gone, working on redecorating the bedroom. Well, we do what have to in order to survive, right? 
Everytime I a small doubt or worry about something that I won't be able to have afterwards, like a grilled cheese on sourdough, plate of pasta with alfredo sauce or even a few drinks on the weekends with friends, I remind myself that that's the price. And I am MORE than willing to sacrifice these things in order to be healthy and not have to carry all this extra weight around with me.
I start a clear liquid diet Sat, luckily my surgeon only requires a 2 day clear liquid diet pre-op. Starting yesterday I'm having a protein shake for breakfast and lunch and then a regular dinner. I'm also trying to get my liquids in as well. 
Yesterday was a typical day of "dieting" for me and really showed me that I need this surgery, that doing this on my own isn't going to happen. I had my shakes and was such a good girl all day, right until 6 pm. Then I started fixing dinner for everyone and all hell broke lose. Instead of the healthy meal I planned on eating, I found !fried chicken! leftovers in the fridge and made myself a sandwich (sourdough, of course), I later followed that with some milk and fudge while watching tv. I'm not proud, but I want to be honest about my journey and that means the good along with the bad. 
Today is going well so far, 2 shakes down and a little water, need to go drink some more!

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