Sh!ts getting real!

Mar 10, 2013

I've been going through the normal emotions (or so I think), excited, scared, doubting.. but I keep reminding myself that this is the hardest step.  Once I am on the other side of tomorrow, my life is going to change forever.  I must admit, the prospect of that is very exciting! 

Meanwhile, back to the present... I have had such a hard time with my  pre-op diet.  My doctor only requires 24 hour liquids only the day before.  Well, since I've put on 15-20 pounds since I started this journey back in June, I wanted to lose some of that before surgery.  I planned on trying a 2 week liquid diet- that didn't work out quite as I had planned.  I had a few extravagant meals and BEER.  All of a sudden, I wanted beer.  Odd.  But, I did manage to take it easy throughout the days and just had my dinner meal.  Beginning of the week, I'm really sticking to this.  Now, I felt like a failure until Casey pointed out to me, that I really didn't do too bad.  I had my protein shakes in the morning, sometimes in the afternoon at work, and then I would have a couple chicken tenders (not breaded) and some vegetables.  However, I was sick with the flu and stayed home on Wed-Thurs of this past week and not a single protein shake touched my lips.  I didn't gorge either... until Friday.  We went to have Pho, a couple spring rolls, and followed it up with a movie. And popcorn. And butter.  I didn't eat as much as I normally would have, took half my Pho home and ate maybe half a bag of popcorn in total.  I felt so gross when I got home.  I layed down and went to sleep.  I did great all day yesterday and had Subway of all things for dinner.  Don't get too proud, it had double meat.  I added it into MFP and I still did alright, all things considering. Today, Sunday, the day before... I'm hydrating and just had some 0% Fage, I had about a cup of cottage cheese when I woke up too.  I'll do some broth before bed and call it a night.

I really wanted to clean the house before I went in for surgery, but I just don't have the desire to do anything.  What I really want to do is take a hot bath with my good friend Mr. Ativan and just relax.  Casey agreed to clean the bathroom, the rest is superficial stuff that will take me 30 minutes tops.  I need to just do it, I know I'll feel that much better if I do.

There is still a part of me that can't believe I'm actually doing it.  AAAHHHH!!!!

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