gishstar
Family Get-Togethers
Dec 25, 2012
Every year brings the holidays, and the familial obligation for getting together with your family and loved ones. I really love seeing my family and being around them.
The one part of the holidays I don't like though, is when they ask me about my accountability. Sometimes I'm OK with it if I know I've been really good. Other times though... not so much.
I had been abstaining from soda for a few weeks, and it was going good. However, all it takes is that one time. That one meal. Or that one moment of weakness for me to say, "mmm OK." And then there goes my streak. I'm OK if a streak breaks though. I really honestly am. What I'm not OK with though is when I have to admit to my family that I've broken my streaks.
For some reason when I have to tell my family that I've broken my streak whether it be no soda, vegetarianism, etc. I feel guilty, and ashamed. What usually follows afterwards is the worst. Nagging. Reasoning. Nuggets of Wisdom from their unreliable doctors on TV resources... UGH.
I hate those nuggets of wisdom the most. I know that they mean well, but they're just getting their information from the television! They're not even going beyond that resource to find out why those TV doctors are saying what they're saying. Half the time those TV doctors just say whatever they're paid to say. It's sickening.
So usually if I'm caught in the "I thought you gave up soda!" headlights, I fumble around for a good excuse. Something along the lines of, "Yeah, I know. I was drinking it pretty heavily a few months ago. Stopped for awhile, but now it's just once in awhile. Not nearly as much as I used to."
UGH. Sometimes it's the truth, other times it's not. I just lie constantly to my family to get them off my back so I don't have to hear their B.S. I really detest when they tell me what I can and can't eat while at family gatherings. Being the only overweight one in the family makes it really hard to even take them seriously.
THEM: "Ari, you can't eat that." ME: "Really? If I can't eat that, then why the Hell would you bring it in the first place?"
Eh... if only that conversation was real.. It mostly starts with them telling me I can't eat that, and then I make some snarky comment like they don't control the food I put in my mouth, and I'm accountable to me and my calorie count for the day, so they just need to mind their own business. Relatives.
I wish they only knew how hard it was for me to even get to this place in my life of being as overweight as I am. Then to even know the struggles I go through on a day to day basis. That's not even counting the struggles with having to make decisions about what I'm putting into my mouth. That's just the struggles of feeling like a fat piece of shit when I wear my clothes, or do my hair, or catch a glimpse of myself in a window. Feeling the pressure on my joints when I go up and down stairs. Having to deal with the depression on top of all of that, and THEN struggle to make the decision each and every day about "what goes into my mouth today."
Hopefully if you've ever been in my position, and have been through this and see the light you can share your genuine nuggets of wisdom. If you are going through what I'm dealing with you can totally sympathize. I just want days of no decisions for food. Just eat what I want... or eat what I need. I don't care. Healthy or not.. Just take the decision of food choices away from me for like a day or two. That would be real vacation. Right?
