heathercross
3-2-03
Went out 2X over the weekend with my girlfriends. I like going to clubs more often now and dancing than I used to. I don’t feel as though I stick out as much and seem to take up less space. I ran into an ex on Friday night, I hadn't seen him since Oct of 2000. Boy, was he floored! I don't think he even recognized me. I kept telling me how "beautiful I was" "how great I looked" and that "my body was Kickin" I think he said. Well, its getting there. My mom also came up to NYC all day Saturday, we were having brunch and she told me from across the table "you look so pretty", I almost cried! The scale has started to move a little. I am down to 208. 3 more Lbs till I reach 100lbs and then 9 more Lbs till I reach 199! I will be so happy when I reach 199lbs!
February 2003
2-1-03 Here I sit, Feb 1st, 15 days away from my 6 mos aniv...I SO WANT TO BE @ 100LBS LOST BY THEN. I am at 216 as of last night, that’s 88.5lbs. I worked out 4X already this week and am planning on going 2X this weekend! I also need to shop...I gave away all my clothes since surgery to either Clothing Exchange, Good Will/Salvation Army or my AMOS friends in NYC. However, what is left in my closet is NOTHING...I am not dropping weight as quickly as I am dropping sizes. I have gone from a 20-18-16 in pants since Xmas and have only experienced 13lbs lose! I hate spending the money on things I am only going to wear for a few wks. I work down on Wall Street, so, it’s not like I can look sloppy and where BIG CLOTHES! Anyway, I posted about wanting to start running, thank you to all that have emailed me. I also spoke with my friend who runs the marathon. I will be buying a GOOD pair of Running Shoes this weekend @ a Running Shoppe, no cheap franchise chains for me. Everyone who emailed me said BUY GOOD SHOES, and they maybe pricey! THAT’S OK, DON'T WANT TO HURT MYSELF! Oh, last thing, CALLING ALL NEW YORKERS....You must check out www.freshdirect.com. It is a grocery delivery service from the brother of the Fairway guy (no I don't work for them)...they have all this fresh food, meat, produce, etc. You even get $50 off your first order and they deliver next day! FABOULOUS! I found out about it from a DANCING PEICE OF FRUIT (an APPLE) on my way to the subway last week! P.S. It’s cheaper than the grocery stores!
2-3-03 I hit a road block...I was never much of a sweat eater pre-op, but yesterday, I COULD NOT PUT THE SPOON DOWN...I must have ate 1/5 of a 1/2 Gallon of Eddy’s SF Mint Chocolate Chip...Maybe its b/c of my monthly or maybe it was head hunger, or maybe it was b/c I lost control and I gave in. I also ate a whole Quarterpounder w/ Cheese from McD's.... (Not all in 1 sitting)...Other than that, may day was normal, plus I walked a couple miles. Anyone else have a day like this after 5 1/2 successful months of NEVER CHEATING?
2-6-03 Bought the cutest, sexiest DKNY slip dress last night @ Lord & Taylor, SIZE 10...Now, before you ask how can she get her 214 Lbs body in a 10, I bought it as INSPIRATION! I am a 14, but, all they had last night of this dress was a "2" and "10", now, I know I will be a 10 one day, but a 2? NEVER! Dress was $150 marked down to $41...What a steal, I can get it over my shoulders at this point & I will try it on once a month to keep me Honest! Anyone else buying great deals/steals in many sizes Smaller? The stores are practically giving the clothes away! Oh, last thing, BETTER made clothes from BETTER stores are made roomier. I still can't wear a 14 pants @ LB, but, can wear them anywhere else, weird huh?
2-9-03 Just got home from playing volleyball for a few hrs. They have these pickup games in the city with the League I belong to. Its $10 and you can play for 3-4 hours. I play on the
2-10-03 I am 6 days short of 6 mos and down 90.5lbs (8/15 - 305/214/150). Up until about 3 weeks ago, THIS SURGERY HAD BEEN A BREEZE! I haven't gotten sick since 2 wks post op, I can eat anything and everything, I don't dump, I exercise 5X week. HOWEVER, for the past few weeks, I find myself craving things and not making the best decisions. On top of all that, 50% of the time, I don't get full while eating. As such, I now incorporate drinking before and sometimes during my meals. My Nutrionist encouraged me to drink up until 5 minutes before I start eating so that I am fuller faster. But, that doesn't seem to help either. Yesterday, I ate a whole McD's Quarter Pounder w/ Cheese and wasn't full. For dinner last night, I had some ceaser salad and 2 stuffed Shells...STILL NOT FULL! I feel as though I have stretched my pouch! I also have only lost 6lbs this month and feel it maybe ending. Someone also told me that since I have never lost any hair, that I may not get maximum weight loss. I act so brave and determined on the outside and yet I am scared to death in the inside. I am so scared I am going to fail and that I may either stop losing or gain everything back! I really want to lose another 64lbs, I also want to maintain this loss...I take my vitamins, I work out 5 days a week, I drink a ton of water and I eat at least 80g of protein...HELP!
2-11-03 And so the saga continues, I ate so well yesterday until I came home: (breakfast) 2 eggs, 1 turkey sausage patty, (lunch) romaine salad with black beans, cheese, chicken, carrots and egg w/ parmesan peppercorn dressing, (snack) Zone Protein bar (dinner) 12 Lg Shrimp w/ Cocktail sauce and (snack) 2 Pepperidge Farm Nantucket Cookies w/ LG glass of Skim Milk...Now, (I know I was around 12oo calories and 60g+ of protein, HOWEVER, did I REALLY NEED THOSE COOKIES? I think I learned my lesson and maybe found out my dumping threshold. Those cookies made me SO NAUSEOUS! I tried to throw them up, but, couldn't...Wouldn't be eating that again anything soon. Also, I emailed my dtr asking for a test, any test to see if I stretched my pouch, his extact words were "Your weight loss is on schedule. The earliest sign of a structural problem with the surgery is rapid weight GAIN. The reality is that your pouch does stretch. This is normal. The bypass protects you from absorbing excessive calories, RELAX"...So, the saga continues, another day, another chance to NOT SCREW UP...The scale did move a lb though between last week and today, I am down to 213, that’s 92lbs and I am 4 days away from my 6 mos aniv. Playing Volleyball again tonight, so, that will be 2 workouts in 1 day...Maybe I can sweat off some calories. Thanks to all of you who emailed me and posted on the boards yesterday about my dilemma. I LOVE YOU GUYS...
2-12-03 Well, for the past few days I have been complaining about my BAD choices, well, after those 2 Pepperidge Farm cookies Monday night, I ended the drama yesterday! I ate fabulously (oh, by the way, ZONE has anew protein bar DOUBLE CHOCLATE, FAB!!!), I also walked 1/2 mile to the gym in the morning, worked out for 40 minutes, played vball last night for an hr and I walked to and from vball, that’s a total of 2 miles. I am EXHAUSTED today, but, I feel AWESOME! Nothing is as good as thin feels!
2-12-03 (2nd time in 1 DAY!) Just made an appointment to meet with a personal trainer starting Monday. Victoria @ New York Health & Racquetball has worked with a WLS patient previously, so, this should be good.
2-13-03 Well, I was sooooo good on Tuesday, and then last night I GAVE IN TO THE SWEET TOOTH AGAIN! I went out around 9pm scouring NYC for Detour Bars, ALL SOLD OUT! I'm not buying a case of anything till I try one; I have had too many nasty protein bars. Well, I picked up some ice cream for my hubby @
2-15-03 6 MONTHS AGO TODAY, I HAD SURGERY! God, was I scared back then, I was scared of surviving the surgery. I was not scared of the unknown and the eating, I was scared that I wouldn't make it off the operating table! I had never had surgery before and I cried everyday up till the day before surgery! Looking back now, THIS WAS THE BEST DECISION OF MY LIFE! I am down 95lbs, yes, I wanted to be down 100lbs in 6 mos, but, what can I do? I can work harder today and every day till my 210 lb body reaches my goal of 150 Lbs...I am 60lbs away from goal! I want to be there by my 1 yr. aniv of 8/15. Can I do it? I think I can, will I do it? If I don't I will die trying. I NEVER WILL BE FAT AGAIN, FAT IS BAD, FAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE TO ME ANYMORE! I WILL NOT BE THAT FAT GIRL ANYMORE! I have done so much in these 6 mos, I was thinking last night what I have accomplished in the past 6 mos (that I couldn't do pre-op), here are some of them: cross my legs, fingers can wrap around my wrist, sleep thru the night without getting up to go the bathroom, shop at NORMAL Stores for something other than shoes or purses or jewelry, make it through the day without running my stockings b/c I was fat, eat only 1 slice of pizza instead of 4, walk 2 miles in 20 minutes, play vball again (WELL), wear jeans, contemplate having kids, get up @ 6am & workout, workout 2X per day (someday), drink 64oz of Water without a thought, tuck my shirt in, wear tight instead of baggy clothing, JOG/RUN a NYC avenue, take up ONLY "1" subway/bus seat, being tired from doing too much not from just living and have a dog & walk her A LOT!
2-17-03 Was supposed to start with my Personal trainer today @ 10am, HOWEVER, with all this snow in NYC, I cancelled and rescheduled for next Saturday! We already have a foot, thank goodness I was already off work today and the stock market was closed! I just took my 6 mos old Bulldog out into the snow. The side walks are a mess and so are the streets since NO ONE could move their cars. Well, Layla and I walked thru the streets. She is 6 mos old and tiny but a pudgy little thing (35lbs), we ran through the streets and jumped over the mounds of snow (which we far bigger than she)...Spending the day downloading songs to my new MP3 player, all my music makes exercising easier. Tomorrow, when I go back to work, I am starting the next 6 mos off my journey, since I was 6 mos out on Saturday, I know the next 6 mos will be 10X harder than the first 6 mos. My 1st short term goal is to lose the last 5lbs to get me to the Century Club (currently holding @ 95lbs). Soon there after, I want to be 199 (currently @ 210), so that’s goal #2. Then the next goals are #3 @ 175lbs and the FINAL goal (hopefully by 8-15) I will be @ 150lbs. What a journey. Oh, I learned something about myself yesterday as I was hugging the porcelain god (aka throwing up from having 3 mixed drinks the night before)...My tummy can't handle it. As much as I tell myself not much has changed and I am the dame, I AM NOT THE SAME PERSON I WAS 6 SHORT MONTHS AGO! Who am I kidding! I have been very fortunate and can eat everything and don't dunno, but, I know my limits. I drank 3 cranberry & vodkas, that was 1-1 1/2 to many. From now on, 1-2 drinks is fine. Also, with all the bad food last week and a trip to McD's, I know now that I can't do that often, maybe occasionally, but, not every day or every week. My choices need to be better and I know that. Here is to everyone and to the next six months!
2-18-03 OH ALL THE SNOW IN
2-20-03 Went to support group tonight, afterwards I went out for dinner/drinks with a couple members/friends. I really enjoy group, I love to see the friends I have met and I also like hearing everyone's points of view. I just wish we had a separate group for pre-ops and new post-ops and another group for those 6 mos out and on. Also, their was some lady there who had a DS 3 mos ago and she was on her soapbox preaching and get long term post-ops ATTITUDE, I wanted to SLUG her, she was all like "I have lost 75lbs in 3 mos" "why can't you be happy this way, why would you want to eat sweets, why, why why?" She's lucky I wasn't sitting close by or she would have gotten my 2cents!
2-22-03 Started w/ my personal trainer, Victoria, today! She has worked with a few WLS patients before, we talked about my short term and long term goals. She is $75/hour, so, I am only going to meet with her 2X per month. She gave me 2 wks worth of homework, so, I will hopefully see some changes in my body the next time we meet! I need to get back to the grind and get serious, the HONEYMOON PERIOD IS OVER!
2-23-03 Went out shopping today, bought a bunch or workout clothes @ Marshals (all Larges) and also went and got some things (undergarments) @ Lane Bryant. Well, I can officially say I am out of that store, all tops are HUGE, I can fit the 14 and 16 bottoms, but also the 16's @ regular stores, plus, since LB was sold from the Limited to Charming Shops, there style and quality has TANKED! They are now just a step above Fashion Bug and Kmart in my opinion, I swear there spring line looks like Kathy Ireland designed it for Kmart! That’s ok, there is an Ann Taylor Loft (across the street), a GAP on the opposite corner and a Banana Republic 2 blks away, and SO, who needs LB anyway!
2-26-03 Went to see my PCP today to look into why I AM SO TIRED & DIZZY all the time. I have figured out a few things (1) this occurs when I don't get enough water in (2) I need to eat a 30/40/30 Carb/fat/protein breakfast in the morning to keep me alert, focused and NON-dizzy and (3) I need to get some sugar in my diet to keep my blood sugar at a normal level! I also got all my blood work done! My dtr was thrilled with my process and this I am very goal-motivated!
2-27-03 Thinking of a new career as a Registered Dietician (RD). Went to an Open House @ Hunter College (CUNY)...This is a "2nd degree" program and I would need to take about 80 credits to be ELIGIBLE for the DI (Didatetic Internship) and also to sit for the Exam (RD). I am going to take the first 2 pre-requisite courses this summer (Food Science & Intro to Nutrition) and see what I think of it. Then it’s on to Micro-Biology, Organic Chemistry, Anatomy & Physiology, and a few OTHER Sciences! I must take all of these BEFORE I can even enroll in the program! I thought with all the OBESITY in the , I could maybe team up with some bariatric surgeons of a hospital and be their RD. I think I would be an ASSET to anyone who is considering doing this since "I HAVE WALKED IN THEIR SHOES". My only concern is credibility! I don't want people to look at me and be like "she’s to fat to be a Nutrionist". My hubby thinks I wouldn't be taken seriously unless I am a size 6/8 and TOTALLY FIT! Thanks to all of you on the site who have emailed me privately or posted on the boards supporting my decision!
2-28-03 I am letting time slip away from me! I am now 6 1/2 mos out and down 96lbs (@ 209). I have only lost 1lb in the past 3 wks. I am going crazy. I think my hair maybe starting to fall out a bit also as I am seeing a good bit of hair in the drain in the morning! I have 60lbs to go (want to be 150). I need to kick it in gear! Yes, I am eating more, BUT, NO I am not as dedicated to working out lately. Starting today, or tomorrow, March 1, I am going to dedicate myself 150% to working out a MINIMUM of 5 days per week. I am also going to get off the bus @ 55th St and walk home (that’s an additional 2.3 mi) each day of walking. I also, MUST get to the gym EVERY MONRNING @ 6:00 AM. Additionally, once it gets warm again, I am going to start the running program. That being said, if I work out every morning, plus 5 days a week @ 2.3mi, and vball 2 days a week, I should be able to EASILY make my goal of 150lbs (total of 155lbs lost) by August 15th, 2003! Short term goal, 5 more Lbs by 3-15 (total of 101lbs lost) and to get me to the WONDERFUL 199lbs! I will be the HAPPIEST GIRL IN NYC by the time I get to 199!
