heathercross
3-1-05
As everyday passes, I can't believe the life I now have. I am living the life of a single girl in NYC and cannot believe how different the world is thin. Problems still exist for me. I still have the same insecurities. I still question what I look like daily, I still see myself as hugely overweight, I still work out like a feign (5-6X per week) in fear of gaining back weight, I still eat way too much food and I am still the same insecure woman I was before surgery. Although its been 2 1/2 yrs since I was 300+ lbs and 10 mos since I got Plastic Surgery, I am still the same person inside...In the 8 mos since I separated from my husband and been on my own, I am finally starting to come into my own. One of the men I have been dating, makes me feel as though I am the most special woman in the world. He makes me question my insecurities and helps me to see them before I vocalize them. But, one would think that is enough, is it? SO, why then do I need to date 2 other men in addition and always looking for a 4th, 5th or 6th? Will I ever be satisfied? I guess what it all comes down to is that I crave attention, I crave reassurance and I crave love. I am such the work in progress....Its all something I need to work on! But, you know what really scares me? I am on my own again. I come home, I am alone (except for Layla of course) and there is no one here to hold me accountable. It would be soooo easy to eat poorly, not work out and fall back into the same bad habits that got me to 305. I don't know how I do it sometimes. Probably FEAR!
