Good - no, Great news!

Nov 03, 2011

I haven't blogged in about 2 months.  I fell into an emotional slump, which actually intensified this past weekend.  I traveled on business.  My mirrors at home are all but draped.  This is how upsetting my hugeness is to me.  Well, I accidentally took a real good look at me in the hotel mirror.  I was stuck for a good 5 minutes.  I literally found myself looking behind me to see who was standing in my mirror with me. Not funny - I actually did this.  After regrouping, I looked at myself in the mirror and said, "I love you, girl.  Fat and all - I really love you."  Then, I crawled into bed with a pint of ice cream that I did not enjoy because I was so COMPLETELY upset over seeing myself for the first time in about a year.

Two days ago, I spoke with my new bff - you guessed it: the surgery scheduler.  I was approved by my health insurance company for the VSG surgery!  I was so close to tears - I think the blue funk that I've been in for so long is why I am so guarded with my emotions.  The surgery scheduler previously gave me my tentative date of 12/19/2011.  However, on Tuesday, I was moved to 12/20/2011.  I figured, as long as I leave 2011 as post VSG, I can live with the change.  Well, the surgery scheduler called me yesterday with some fantastic news: I was moved up to 11/22/2011.  I am so completely excited, I just don't know what to do with myself.

I mentioned in my last post that I had a lap band about 6 years ago.  It was actually 11/07/2005.  I not only gained every pound back, but I added an additional 15, reaching an all time high of 245 lbs.  I feel like such a huge failure for gaining all of this weight after lap band surgery, that I chose not to tell anyone except the 2 people who are closest to me that I am having WLS again. 

I have my pre - op day on 11/07/2011.  I am seeing that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.

I LOVE ME.

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