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I am constantly talking to my 10 year old about ignoring mean girls.  Once they find your weakness - and they will - they will say almost anything to you to bring you down!

Recently, I had to get my head together, using the same words that I shared with my 10 year old.  A few weeks ago, one of my "good friends" planned to attend my 10 year old's ballet performance. I had not seen this friend in about 2 months. I shared with my "good friend" that I lost 20 or so pounds a day or so before the performance.  Well, on the day of the performance, my "good friend" did not mention anything about how I looked.  I waited a full week to ask her what she thought, and if she could tell that I lost a few pounds. Her response surprised me to no end. She says, "Well, did I say anything?  If I did not say anything, it means that I did not notice!  Furthermore, not only can I NOT tell you lost weight, but you look like you actually gained the 20 pounds!"

Well, needless to say, I was crushed, hurt and angry all at the same time.  I did not mention this exchange to anyone until maybe about 1 week ago.  I could not believe how these few words ruined me for a couple of weeks.  I felt a need to mention the conversation to my 10 year old.  She says, "Mommy, that was just mean!  I can't believe that Aunt ------ would say something like that to you!"  She was very upset.

I am not gonna kid you: I was truly messed up about what my  "good friend" said to me.  It was what she said, AND the way she said it.

What did I learn? Well, I thought you'd never ask!

My well-being was totally jacked up for weeks because of someone's stupid, irresponsible, unkind comments.  NO ONE walking the earth should have that kind of power over me! 

Kind, encouraging words from others is nice, however, It is my responsibility to speak kind, encouraging words to myself. 

I am responsible for my progress towards my goal.

Words can hurt worse than fists. I must remember how I felt when my "good friend" was so reckless with my feelings so that I will NEVER do this to anyone else. Golden rule: treat others the way that you want to be treated.

Today, I celebrate me - my past for making me the woman I am today, my present self, flaws and all, and and the me yet to come!

I love me!

I must admit, I have been dragging my tail for a few days.  Okay, okay - more like a couple of weeks.  I am sick of myself, so it is time for an attitude adjustment. 

I had my 1 month post - op visit yesterday.  I lost 23 pounds.  Do you know I had the nerve to be disappointed that it wasn't more?  Talk about stinking thinking!  My BMI dropped 5 points since surgery.   I went from being seriously obese to just plain old obese. That's significant, right?! I should be smiling and cheering myself on!  But not me!!!

Since Dr. Phil is not around to give me a smack - down, I need to take care of this myself.  My attitude SUCKS a big one!  I am moping, and behaving like a small child.  I am depressed, and I hardly exercise anymore.   Grant it, I have some significant arthritic pain issues in my knees and lower back (I had to come off of the NSAIDS 1 week pre - op, never to return to them post VSG), and I have sciatica.  But I AM NOT DEAD!  I have an opportunity to really get healthy and live a better life and I AM BLOWING IT!  SHAME ON ME!

Now, Ms. Sheryl, what exactly are you gonna do?

I am going to pick myself up by the boot straps, and get it together.  NOW.   
First, I have to acknowledge something really important: I am blessed beyond measure.  I really am!
Next, I need to make a plan for myself:
Mourn the loss of my former self, and get over it!!!!  A work in progress.
Contact my PCP to have her order something for the arthritic pain: DONE; will pick up the new prescription shortly.
Exercise daily, if it is nothing but walking around the neighborhood: I will do it right after my post.
Play in my closet - thanks, Seattle_Maui!  I have always enjoyed playing in my closet after a 10-15 lb weight loss just to see what I can fit.  I hesitated doing this because I did not want to be disappointed.  Seattle_Maui raised a good point: I could actually miss out on wearing some things as I lose weight if I don't start playing now!
Think positive: Definitely a work in progress, but I will definitely work on this.

I will update later today after I exercise. I gotta be accountable, right?

I love me.       

I've already started slipping off track.  This is NOT good.  I took my children to a Christmas party this past Saturday.  I am supposed to be on pureed foods.  Naturally, there were no pureed foods for me to eat.  I had some potatoe salad and soft chicken.  Then, I had a cupcake.  Yup; a cupcake that was loaded with tons of delicious icing.  BAD CHOICE!!!  My stomach has been upset ever since.  Now really - why would I expect anything different? Pre - VSG, I began having difficulty tolerating super sweet foods.  Did I think that having a VSG was gonna change that?  What was I thinking?
When you know better, you are supposed to do better, right? Now I know! I don't like learning by the seat of my pants, but perhaps I needed this to happen just as it did.  Eating regular foods right now, and loading up on carbs like that is a sure fire way to disaster.  I don't want that for me anymore. I went back to pureed foods yesterday, and stepped up my protein and water intake. I am hopeful that this will help with the hunger pangs (I certainly did not expect to feel hunger like this!). 

I have also fallen down in my exercise.  I will fix this today. My goal is to make it to the gym. If I don't make it, I will definitely exercise at home for at least 20 minutes.

I have been feeling pretty depressed of late.  I returned to therapy after 2 years.  It's all good though. I am working on the new, improved me - inside and out.

In spite of it all,

I love me so very much.

I am in somewhat of a lull.  I am 16 days post - op.   I am at the pureed stage.  I am enjoying more textures.  I still feel hungry at times.  I mean, I get real live hunger pangs!  I never expected this. I am getting in all of my protein most days.  I am doing better with the water. So what exactly is my problem?
I need to stop looking at those before and after photos.  I am so happy for everyone who's lost weight.  You look simply marvelous.  I guess I am just so anxious to get there myself.  I am so distressed every time I look at my stomach.  It is still quite large. I want to go through my closet to try on some of my clothing, but I am afraid that they will still be too snug.  I was happy on Sunday, however, because I wore a dress that was given to me by my cousin.  I could not get the sleeves up, and the dress was too snug to fasten.  Now, the sleeves are looser, and the dress buttons just fine.
I think I am a little depressed.
I have a sitter coming over to watch the children tonight so that I can get some me time.  I will go to the gym, and get those endorphins flowing like a river so that I can get myself together.

I love me.

I literally have to pull myself away from the Maury Show, but one cannot help but get caught up in the emotional aspects of the show when a woman is eager to prove via DNA that a particular man fathered her child.
Yesterday, Tuesday, November 29, 2011 was my 1 week post-op visit at the surgeon's office.  I was so anxious to hear my progress, that I almost called the nurse Maury!!!! 
On day 7 post VSG, I lost 11 pounds, which is 4.55% of my total body weight. 
YOU GO, SHERYL!!!  YEAH!!!  KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!

I shared with one of my OH friends, that I find myself thinking about food a lot.  Is this the same as a craving?  I don't want to tempt myself, so after preparing my family's food, I mix my shake or soup, and busy myself, remaining in the room with my kids during mealtime.  I have about 9 more days of full liquids, then on to the wonderful world of pureed foods.

Since becoming serious about my journey, which was only a month or so ago, I've tried to step up my game. Before, I was never big on frying, but I used to buy french fries at the drop of a dime!  Just before I got real, I started frying more food, and ordering take - out almost 2-3 times per week.  Now, I prepare food at home for my 2 little girls whether I feel like it or not.  I enjoy trying new healthy recipies for the children. I enjoy presenting a colorful and nutrient - full meal for my girls.  So, the food looks and smells lovely, and it is obvious that I enjoy preparing it now. 

I am experimenting with my food, well, liquids as well.
I made a lovely smoothie that left my little girls begging for my glass! I call it my Tropical Smoothie. Please try it, and let me know what you think.

Tropical Smoothie
6 oz Mango flavored Greek Yogurt
4 oz sugar - free Strawberry Jello
2-3 oz 1% Milk

Liquify in a blender, and voila!!!!

I love me.

My day started off pretty rough.  I am 6 days post-op.  I had more abdominal pain today than I had in a couple of days.  I have the JP drain - the suture site is so tender, multiple incisions (8 to be exact) and significant bloating which I first thought was from all of the gas that was used to inflate my abdomen during my surgery. I called the surgeon's office to make my 1st post - op appointment.  Since I was so miserable, the receptionist tried to get me in to see the doc today.  I was then told to come in tomorrow morning.  The doctor that discharged me from the hospital told me to rely on my GI tract to do its job to get rid of the gas.  I gave my GI tract a full week. It is now time to take matters into my own hands.  GAS-X to the rescue!  But of course, I did not have any at home.

I have asthma.  I usually have a bit of respiratory trouble after surgeries.  So, true to form, I am coughing so much, that I am scaring my whole family.  Any moment, I expect one of my lungs to come out through my throat and land on my bed.  Generally, the only thing that gets rid of the "post-op asthma cough" is Robitussin with Codeine, steroids and antibiotics.  Great. 
 
My oldest daughter became sick with fever and a very sore throat over the weekend.  Mommy needed a mommy. But all mommies know that being a mommy takes precedence over needing one.  So, I worked on my daughter - medicating her, soothing her, hydrating her, and worrying about her all through the weekend.  She had an appointment today.  My discharge instructions say no driving for 2 weeks.  There was no one available to drive us to the pediatrician this afternoon. So mommy me had to drive with her painful, distended abdomen and wicked cough.  UGH!  So, off to the pediatrician we went, by way of the pharmacy to pick up some GAS-X.

It's strep throat, just as I thought!  Now, it's back to the pharmacy for the pink stuff (Amoxicillin). 

While waiting for the medication for my big girl, I thought about my abdominal woes.  I tried to remember what in the world did I do differently over the past couple of days that could have set me back like this.  Then I remembered: MILK.  My diet was advanced to full liquids on Friday.  I've had at least 2 cups of milk daily.  Time to switch over to my friend Lactaid.  I bought a half gallon before coming home.

Now, it's evening time at the Askins Ranch.  My abdomen is less distended - my friend, GAS-X did his job.  My sutures are no longer pulling near my drain, and my incisional pain has cut down significantly.  My kids are bathed, and settled in for the night. I am finally smiling. 

Now, I would like to make a cup of tea, and settle in. I am so glad to end my day on a better note. 

I love me.

Well, my surgery was a great success.  I had my VSG on 11/22/2011.  I was kinda disappointed that when I logged onto OH, I did not have any congratulatory messages.  So, I decided to do one of my own:

CONGRATULATIONS, AND WELCOME TO YOUR NEW LIFE, SHERYL!!! 

THERE WILL BE UPS AND DOWNS BUT STAY ON TASK!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!!



There.  That's better.

I am 2 days post-op.  I am COMPLETELY miserable.  My throat is sore.  I did not think I would need to come home with a JP drain, but I did.  The darn thing leaks. I finally got the idea to open one of my 2 year old's pull-ups and place it over the dressing.  Solved that problem!!!!   I think I have enough gas inside my body to fuel the entire neighborhood.  I am quite swollen, bloated and uncomfortable. Thank God for good pain meds.  I made the tragic mistake of allowing my babies to see my abdomen with 8 separate dressings and a JP drain, that was saturated with fluid. My 10 year old just could not stop crying, and my 2 year old kept telling me to put it (the drainage bulb) away.  I had to explain to my 10 year old that I was fine, and soon I will be in better control of my life and my health.  I don't think she bought this.

Now that I got the complaints off my chest, I can move on.  I am very happy I had the VSG.  I have dreams at night about wearing the smaller clothing in my closets, and moving around a lot better at Disney World next year.  I was supposed to take my girls to Disney World next month, but I changed the date to spring break 2012 because I was just not healthy enough to pull it off.  It just would not have been fair to my babies.

I read someone else's blog who was about 1 month post - op RNY.  She, too was quite miserable.  She had many unfortunate things to contend with.  I pray that she will eventually embrace her second chance at life with an uplifting attitude.  I plan to.  I know it's easier said than done, but no one is more responsible for my happiness and success in life but God and me.  I will no longer give another person, situation or meal that kind of power over me.

I love you, Sheryl - you are alright with me!

In my Carly Simon voice...
I am 1 week away from my VSG.  I am so overwhelmed and excited about being on the other side of this fat hill that I call my life.  I apologize for my negative vibes. I will try to clean up my language and put my attitude in check for the rest of my post.
The truth is, I am struggling to keep my spirits up.  I feel quite lonely, as I've chosen to not share my upcoming life changing bariatric surgery a secret.  I shared only with the 2-3 individuals closest to me.  The downfall to keeping secrets is, when I have something to share - good or bad, I, well, can't.
I am hopeful for a very short hospital stay: 1 day.  I also anticipate a speedy recovery.  I am trying to focus on all of the things that I will be able to do with my kids, and getting into all of the pretty things in my closet that I purchased when I lost weight a couple of years ago; some of which still have the sales tags.  I will restart my devotionals so that I can move from this pit that I am in.
I love me.  Really, I do.
Sheryl

I haven't blogged in about 2 months.  I fell into an emotional slump, which actually intensified this past weekend.  I traveled on business.  My mirrors at home are all but draped.  This is how upsetting my hugeness is to me.  Well, I accidentally took a real good look at me in the hotel mirror.  I was stuck for a good 5 minutes.  I literally found myself looking behind me to see who was standing in my mirror with me. Not funny - I actually did this.  After regrouping, I looked at myself in the mirror and said, "I love you, girl.  Fat and all - I really love you."  Then, I crawled into bed with a pint of ice cream that I did not enjoy because I was so COMPLETELY upset over seeing myself for the first time in about a year.

Two days ago, I spoke with my new bff - you guessed it: the surgery scheduler.  I was approved by my health insurance company for the VSG surgery!  I was so close to tears - I think the blue funk that I've been in for so long is why I am so guarded with my emotions.  The surgery scheduler previously gave me my tentative date of 12/19/2011.  However, on Tuesday, I was moved to 12/20/2011.  I figured, as long as I leave 2011 as post VSG, I can live with the change.  Well, the surgery scheduler called me yesterday with some fantastic news: I was moved up to 11/22/2011.  I am so completely excited, I just don't know what to do with myself.

I mentioned in my last post that I had a lap band about 6 years ago.  It was actually 11/07/2005.  I not only gained every pound back, but I added an additional 15, reaching an all time high of 245 lbs.  I feel like such a huge failure for gaining all of this weight after lap band surgery, that I chose not to tell anyone except the 2 people who are closest to me that I am having WLS again. 

I have my pre - op day on 11/07/2011.  I am seeing that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.

I LOVE ME.

Hi.  I am a Christian woman - a minister.  I am a daughter, sister, auntie and proud mom of 2 beautiful little girls. I am a fast friend who likes to laugh.  I am a medical professional and a boss.  I am all of these things and more, but what brings me here is, I am obese and unhealthy.  My knees hurt very badly, and I am losing ground as far as mobility is concerned.

I had a lap band placed about 6 years ago. Initially, I did great.  Then, I had significant health issues requiring a couple of surgeries that prevented me from getting the band adjustments for a while.  Then, when I finally decided to get back on task with my weight loss, my lap band was urgently removed.

Since becoming a parent, I have a renewed commitment to getting healthy and losing weight.  I attended an information session in April of this year, thus beginning my journey towards health and wellness.  I want so badly to be on the other side of this.  I really do not want to cross into the new year without having my VSG.   

I am really encouraged by the stories I've read, and the pics I've viewed.  Thank you kindly for your candid comments and support that you give and receive so readily.

Sheryl