one more day

Nov 20, 2010

Yep, that's it.  One more day to "do it up good."  I don't know if I want to jump up and down or cry.  I feel like I'm gonna miss eating all the things I want (along with the amts) sooo bad.  What's wrong with me?  So many others just can't wait to have surgery.  Well in my mind I want it but...IDK.  Sigh.  I would have liked to put it off until January as to enjoy just "one more year" of the holidays.  Hell you'd think I was gonna die or something!!  One would think when reading this that I thought I'd never enjoy eating again.  Well, maybe that is how I'm feeling.  So afraid to leave the old me behind, ya know? 

When I look at the before and after pics I just can't wait for that to be me.  So why on earth do I keep resisting this process?  Ok, for one thing I AM SCARED.  I'm such a baby when it comes to pain.  I don't want to die.  I want to continue to nurse Joshua.  I'ts so frightening to think it's permanent.  What if.  We could live our entire lives with this attitude.

Hopefully one year from now when I look back at these words I've written today, I'll be over-the-top happy!

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