JennaKopanyi

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It seems so backwards, doesn't it?
You read about it on the boards by the veterans, and think, well that's just crazy. Until you do it...
I went from 400-500 calories a day to closer to 900, and I am dropping weight, quickly. I thought it was going to take forever to get the rest of these pounds off of me, but I'm 15 from goal. FIFTEEN! I wear a size 6! Starting to fit in 4's, and I did it by practically doubling my calories?!
Looking back I now realize when I started to slow my weight loss, it was when I invited Jillian Michaels into my workout. I must have been runnning a crazy deficit, I lost 5 pounds in the past week in a half since I've increased my calories (and complex carbs). This journey is such a learning curve! It seems like I pretty much have to toss out a lot of what I used to believe to be true and start over again. And I know I need to listen to the WLS veterans more instead of thinking "That's crazy" or "that can't work for me"
I restarted week 3 of my 6 week 6 pack video (I was a slacker last week and since I didn't get in my 5 days, I feel that it shouldn't count) and as long as the weather holds, I hope to be going back to Curves more. I'll enjoy my (should be evil but aren't) chocolate cherry almond luna protein bars, and embrace this whole new side of weight loss (but still be vigilant about going overboard). I'm finally losing inches again too (which excites me more than pounds ever could) and my pants are freaking sexy! (I went shopping)

I've been toying with alternate pancakes, but they've een kinda blah. Here's what I did, try it and mess with it until you find the right ratios

1 TB CHOCOLATE PROTEIN POWDER
1 TB HAZEL MEAL
1 EGG
1 tsp FAUX SUGAR OF YOUR CHOICE

MILK OR WATER FOR THINNING AS NEEDED


MIX ALL MEASURED INGREDIENTS TOGETHER, ADD MILK/WATER AS NEEDED, POUR HALF IN SKILLET, COOK LIKE A PANCAKE, REPEAT WITH OTHER HALF

Happy Eating

Kinda doesn't really hit you until you put it all together, does it?
I wonder how the 9 month one will look? I am very excited to get there but also very happy about where I am and how far I've come
I am amused/amazed by this. The first 3 months post op the scale showed all the dramatic change, but the visual change really didn't happen until the last three months, did it? I am WOWed by myself. How cool is that?
PS I'm also now fitting in to 6's.

I did finally hear from my brother yesterday. He and his older son were doing sports things (the boy had ice hockey, my brother had indoor soccer), but I went over and saw my younger nephew and my sister in law, her nephew was also there.
She took one look at my face and told me how good I looked and how well I must be doing.

Then I took off my coat, and her jaw dropped.

My lovely red-orange coat is very puffy, it make me look about the size I was last winter, but it's warm and lined in faux fur, I love it.

SIL could not get over my transformation. I made some pointed comments about how it had been four months since they'd deigned to see me, but that went over her head (my brother didn't marry her for her brain) and she just seemed so amazed. She told me that my brother had been worried about me having the surgery because he didn't think I'd change my habits. I explained to her what my day looks like now and she seemed ready to reassure her husband when he came home. I never knew why my brother was not supportive of my surgery choice. I figured it was either the reason already listed or because he felt I could do it the old fashioned way. His only real comment before was, do you exercise and how often? (when I told him I was going to have it).
SIL also agrees that mom will probably want to have WLS when she sees me and my progress. She was also very complimentary about everything. She seems to think it was great that we now wear the same size (8) but I think that will get old when I go to size 6 and become less neat for her. She had the hardest trouble accepting that I no longer have DDD boobs. I'm down to a single D, possibly a C (I haven't bra shopped in a couple months and I don't know if I need a tighter band or a smaller cup yet, only that my bra is too big AGAIN).
She said she'd seem my pictures on FB but they don't do my new body justice. I thought that was really nice of her. I even showed her my scars (she asked) and made tragic noises at my stretch marks, but I'm optimistic about a bikini and tanning them up over the summer to minimize their impact.
I'm taking my son over there on his birthday (2/3) so he can play with his cousins. My brother should also be home so he can see me and interrogate me. Maybe he'll be nicer now that I'm prettier and thinner and healthy. I think I've been an embarassment to him and that was why he didn't want me around.

So then I went to Support Group. Not fun this time. No one really talked to me, and the group "discussion" was a plastic surgeon coming in to tell us what we had to look forward to. I'm aware that I'll need a breast lift (breast was spelled "brest" in his presentation) and maybe a tummy tuck, but not until after I'm done having and nursing my next (and last) child and only if I don't bounce back. Since I'm not having her (or him) until July of 2013, I kinda don't want to think about plastic surgery right now. And for the record, I think I look pretty darn good. Definately better than most of this pictures (even the afters!). Then the NutraMetrix people came in again and pimped their product. I feel like the evening was a waste of my time, and that's probably why I am feeling so down today. I look forward to support group nights (I get Red Lobster too) but that was such a downer for me, and I don't feel like I really got anything out of it. I don't want to spend an hour listening to a very slim man telling me about plastic surgery, or relisten to another lady who was there 2 months ago. I like it when Denise is in charge of meetings (she's the doctor's psychiatrist) and I don't think she was even there last night.

My son's birthday is coming up. We are having Teddi's sugarfree cupcake recipe for his cakes on the actual day, and then on the following Saturday, we are taking him to Cici's in Leesburg to eat all the pizza his little heart desires. My son is a carbivore. He's turning 2, so I'm not policing him yet. For the most part he eats what we do, supplemented with other items. When he gets older I will make sure he has good eating habits, but for now, he's not even overweight. He's heavy, but he's tall and solid and only gets a hint of a belly when he's full or ready to grow again.
I'm not sure what I am going to eat there, but as it was pointed out to me on FB, it's not my birthday and therefore not about what I can eat. I'll probably eat before we go or find a way to make it work for me. Yeah. Pizza buffet. But I think you can also order wings, and I love them and they love me. I'll be sure to take lots of pictures. If you live in the area, you should come out, my kid is soooooo cute

Again, I must say goodbye to a chunk of my wardrobe. Size 10 is too big now. How weird is it to say that?
I've been holding on to my 10, because the as the sizes go down I have less and less clothing...
All my clothes were given to me by a childhood friend who had no need for them (office clothes- decided to be a stay at home mom) or just outgrew them (gained a bit of weight with her pregnancy that she's having trouble getting off). So I need to check with her and see what she wants back and then I guess I will go about finding them new homes. My boss is already hinting at me for them and wears an 8-10 (depending on the cut) and of course my other friends who are shrinking along side of me may want some... I feel weird giving away someone else's clothes!
I'll probably take pictures of the outfits to ask what she wants kept, and then maybe post the pics on FB and see which friends want what.

So tonight I get to go through the closet and try on clothes. I think I'll turn on the heater in the bedroom first, work out in the living room and then my kid and I can play dress up (he likes shoes the best).

Once I pack up these 10's I will be very short on pants, and out of black ones :(
I guess it's time to hit the Salvation Army...

Well, our server is letting us down and I cannot get our inventory program to run, so I will update you guys instead.

Yesterday we went to Winchester to visit with some friends and attending a little one’s birthday party. I learned that I cannot eat any Popeye’s chicken, not even a small amount. I got the foamies for the first time in about 4 months. It was very distressing. My theory? I don’t think I can eat food that sits out, even (or especially) under heat lamps. I know I can eat fat, in fact, I can still eat wings, though that’s been a little while- and that is why I tried the chicken- so it’s not that. I blame leftovers in general.

Our kid had a lot of fun, he’s getting used to that house and the other three kids that live there. He stayed out of trouble until he got sleepy, then he kept trying to hurt himself (falling off of things). We are to take him back next Saturday to get his birthday hair cut, we’re pretty excited for that. I get tired of trying to pin him to cut his hair, he’s such a wriggle worm.

Honey took my pictures over the weekend and those are up. Six months has just flown by, and my fat has really melted off of me. YAY

I have met my surgeon’s goal as of this morning, but I know I can do better and I want my tummy to be flat. I won’t feel thin until it is, so I am keeping up with the six-week-six-pack video, I started week 3 this morning, and I’m feeling quite positive. I think when it’s done I’ll switch to Pilates for my extra work out.

I recently became addicted to Luna Protein Chocolate Cherry Almond Bars, and have added one a day to my diet. Amazingly, I’m losing weight faster even with those additional 180 calories. So yom! AND yay!

Tonight is support group in Frederick MD at Frederick Memorial Hospital. Seminar at 6pm, group at 7:30. If you are int eh area, you should come out!!! I really look forward to attending these and am very excited to go tonight. There is that shallow part of me that likes to go and say “Look at me! Look at me! Look how great I’m doing!” I freely admit that, but I also like talking to the newbies, sharing my progress and helping them see that it does work. When I first started going to group, there wasn’t a single thin person there, and it was discouraging. I mean, why do it, if the results are only…eh? I tend to be an all or nothing kind of girl, and I didn’t want to go through with this if I wasn’t going to get where I felt I deserved to be. I like to think of myself as a kind of inspiration to people. You get out what you put into this surgery. I work out like a fiend, twice a day (in fact I’m going to Zumba in the Curves circuit in a few). I made this work for me. It’s not easy, it’s still diet and exercise, but I’m lucky enough to say, “enough food, I am full” and I know that exercising works. I see results, I stay motivated. That’s is directly attributed to my RNY. I believe I will be one of those people who can maintain for life now that I’ve been given this head start.

Usually I go to Red Lobster between work and support group, but this month, I’m kinda poor. I’m hoping to go see my nephews and brother instead (he will have to let me know if the older son’s schedule will allow it). I get kinda irritated that they never have time for my family. I would like for my son to grow up with his cousins, but they are so busy with their hockey or other sport of the season. You’d think you would make a little time for your family, but whatever.

I haven’t seen my nephews since September (my brother or his wife either for that matter) so I hope I get a jaw drop at least when I see them (that was close to 40 pounds ago). More importantly, I’d really like to just hang out with my nephews for a couple hours.

I should probably check and see if my system is up and running and then tell my boss I have to run away. So I will stop rambling and ruin your lunch time entertainment read.

I hope all of you are doing well :)

For the first time since my RNY I have been able to tolerate a decent amount of salad! It had egg, green pepper, cucumber, cheese, chicken, and of course, lettuce. And I ate it! Tummy's kinda gurlgly, but I think it's just cuz it's so new and alien.
Yay.

End toddler-share moment :)

These last couple of nights my husband and I have been passing out early. We occassionally sleep on our futon in the living room, this started when he wanted to do online gaming with his friends, and wanted me nearby so that when he was ready for bed, there I was, or in general he could just turn around and look at me with adoration any time he wanted. It turns out that we sleeping out there more than in the bedroom. The last three nights, we've been zonked by 9:30, 10:00. I usually stay up until 11:30, 12 with him, but not this week. We're all getting over the same cold (my husband, our son, and I) and I bet this is a huge part of it.
It makes me a little sad because this is our day:
6am, I wake up, and do the 6 week 6 pack video
7am, I leave for work, protein shake in hand
8am, I arrive at work (officially) and get to my day
9am, Hubby wakes up, we talk online, he gets baby ready and drops him off at day care when he go to work (930 am)
1230, I go to Curves for my lunch break
430, I head home, pick up my son on the way
530, dinner with the monster followed by playing with him
830-900, Husband comes home

the only variation is if i work go to curves in teh morning instead, then i do the video an hour or so after dinner.

So as you can see, we don't get to spend a lot of time together... sleeping further robs us of quality time. sigh. he's been working 6 day weeks with only saturdays off, hopefully that will change soon, I miss him.
I know I'm pushing it too hard, trying to stay awake to spend time with him instead of getting in my 8 hours, on top of being sick, I'm really not surprised that we keep zonking so early, I just wish I didn't wake up so tired.

Tonight we have promised to sleep in the bed room, after finishing season one, disc 2 of Blood Ties (we only made it halfway through last night) and doing pictures (didn't get around to that either).

The last 2 mornings, the monster has kinda woken up with me, and followed me to the bathroom. The first day he came in, this morning he couldn't do much more than nudge the door. He's exhausted too. I gave him extra cuddles both mornings and he went right back to sleep.

This morning I am really feeling the 6w6p, my abs are so tight it's crazy! and I'm only a week and a half into it, i can't imagine how i will feel not only for staying with it for the duration, but also how my body will look and feel after.

:)

Hope everyone is well this morning

Wow, has it really been 6 months?
On July 19, 2010 I walked into the OR, and laid on their table. It was freezing in there. I didn't get scared or nervous until they started to strap me down. They took their sweet time before they remembered to put the Valium in my IV, since they took so long and my anxiety was so high, it knocked me out in moments. I remember thinking, "What am I doing?" and "Is this what I really want?" I was terrified that it was just going to be another failed weight loss attempt, and I'd screw up my insides as well as look like crap on the outside.
When I woke up, I wasn't nauseous! They had been warned and apparently took care of that. The last time I was put under for surgery I felt like I'd been dropped back onto this plane, I was nauseous, scared, panicked, and in tears. I was short tempered with the nurses when they brought me back to my room, and I couldn't stop crying even when my friend and my brother came to talk to me. THIS TIME, I woke up like I'd been hibernating, it was hard to come back to reality, I was apparently very, very drugged since I could barely hold myself upright without wanting to flop back. I was quiet and introspective, I didn't cry, and I only got a little gurgly over my ice chips. I wanted my husband with me once I realized it was 6:30 pm (surgery was at noon) and I was sure he was worried. Dr McKenna took out my gall bladder while he was in there since it looked like it would need to come out soon anyway, this added to the time and gave me a few more scars to remember him by.
Before I go on, I would like to explore the difference in waking up from surgery. I heard somewhere that a percentage of the population wakes up from surgery the way I did the first time (I don't remember the number, though I think it was high). I have 2 theories on this. #1 your subconscious remembers the trauma and pain of surgery even if you don't realize it and is crying as an outlet. But it doesn't happen to everyone, and it didn't happen to me the second time. My next theory is my favorite #2 when you are put under your mind is completely open, repressed memories come to the surface and play. They might be locked up safe again by the time you come out, but the damage is done, they got out and they brought back the pain of whatever you were trying to forget. I like this theory a lot, because when I had surgery #1, I hadn't dealt with my trauma, and it was bad. I had been sexually assaulted by 4 different men between the time I was 4 until the day before my 17th birthday. I never dealt with it. I thought I did, but I didn't. I know this because that's the trauma that landed me in the hospital 5 years ago. Apparently childhood trauma can manifest itself as a physical pain in the lower abdomen. Since I didn't know this at the time, and no test gave them any reason for the searing pain (that coincided with me TRYING to deal with the past) they did exploratory surgery, found my appendix to be slightly inflamed and took that and said that's that. It wasn't until I ended up in there AGAIN a few months later that the gastroenterologist asked me if I'd ever been raped. I almost denied it without thinking, my mother was sitting right there and she had never believed me (another level of psychosis I've since dealt with). It took another year (of pointless therapy, and less pointless talking it out with a friend, and a LOT of introspection) before I felt that I was in control of myself again. I had some other issues, poor life choices, but I had also resolved them. Once all that was dealt with and behind me, I decided to start dating, I was finally ready for a real relationship, with someone I could see forever with. In May 2008, I met my husband, who is very grateful that I'd put myself together and didn't come to him still broken.
I finally confronted my mother about my anger at her and her lack of belief in me when I needed her most (she was visiting with her best friend at my home and her friend and I got drunk together) later in a drunken rage, I told her every little thing about then that I didn't even know I was holding on to. My husband listened to the whole thing and that big chunk of the Jenna-puzzle finally clicked for him. He's promised to never ask me to confide in my mother ever again. The best part? The anger is gone. This was in March or April 2010.
So I was in the right mental place before surgery in July, I'd resolved the worst things in my life and I believe that as a result, I didn't have a traumatic unlocked repressed memory marathon tormenting me while I was out. YAY.

I probably should have weighed myself this morning since it's my half-a-surgiversary, but I didn't. I will post pictures tonight after my husband takes them. On this journey I've lost 80 pounds, countless inches, gone from size 20 to a size 8, and I'm not even done yet. I'm happier than I've been in a long time (these last two years haven't been unhappy per se, but I'm happier with myself). My diabetes is in remission, I'm reconnecting with old friends, and seeing them more often. I'm more active with my son, I exercise 2 times a day and seeing results. I take all of my vitamins and drink lots of water. I'm where I want to be (another 25 pounds lost wouldn't hurt, but for here, well, here is a great place to be), my life is pretty fabulous, and I'm in a place mentally where I can accept and embrace that, whereas I could not before.
I would like to thank my surgeon, for giving me my tool/weapon, my husband for his amazing support, my son for inspiring me to make my next pregnancy healthier and for helping put me into a qualifying weight (I know I did it to myself and he's not to blame), my wonderful friends in real life and on-line whom I've learned to make more time for because friends are so amazingly important and make life more entertaining. If you don't stay connected to people, then things stop mattering. And I want to thank ME, for deciding to do this for myself, for sticking with the changes, for taking charge, and becoming me again, I missed me.

I bet you didn't really read all of this, but its my surgiversary, I can be as long winded as I want :P If you DID read it all, then you are truly amazing. I love you all! Thanks for your continued support, it means the world.

So my hair is still coming out when i touch it, but it's thicker now, and it feels better, healthier. I started taking the super b-complex twice a day (although I tend to only remember it once) and my multi has a lot of biotin in it as well. The result? Not letting myself stress over it anymore, enjoying the new cut, and when I shower, I can feel how heavy the hair is becoming. Come on, you know you all do it, rinse your hair and let it flop? I can't be the only one... and so it feels heavier than it did when it was twice as long.
Sounds like a lot, I cut off half of my hair, but the spindly things I fed to the trash, darely as thick as a dime. tragic, really. Much happier with my hair now, though I will not be dying it any time soon.