I am anything but a poster child for WLS!

Mar 30, 2010

It's been a long time since I have written a blog.  So much has happened.  My WLS has taken a back seat to everything else in my life.  It's just one thing after another and it seems like it will never end.  Thankfully, I am still on track with my weight loss.  I am now down to 185lbs, which by itself is a dream.  I haven't been this weight since I was like 12.  I still want to lose at least 30 more pounds, but now, I find myself in a predicament that may halt my weight loss, at least for the next 6 months, which of course is right smack dab in the middle of our "honeymoon" period.   

I am 3 months pregnant.  Wonderful, not.  I'm still not used to it, but accepting it.  My health is fine, my vitamin levels are perfect, I do see a high risk OB, but they said they have never seen a WLS patient have a bad outcome to a pregnancy because of WLS.  I max out on all the vitamins necessary.  I'm more a high risk patient because of the large abdominal mass complicating things.  I was supposed to have it removed on Feb. 16th, but low and behold, pre-op testing revealed an OOPS.  Ok, and it is NOT my fault.  I was on the Nuvaring, and I was practically abstinent...  my poor husband.  I had ONE night in January where things felt normal and I felt like being loved.  I paid for that.  So EFF the Nuvaring, I'm never using it again.  They say use 2 forms of birth control for 18 months.  My forms of B/C was abstinence (well mostly) and Nuvaring.  It had to be foolproof, or so I thought.  I will survive, the baby will be ok... I'm due 10/26 but as always will have a c-section about 2 weeks early.  This is all so new, I just had a baby last February!  I'm not used to having 2 under 2 for sure!  Right in time for my birthday on 10/24 and my husbands birthday is 10/10.  Everyone is concerned.  I have not returned to my surgeon because the people I see have it all under control, not to mention I feel so ashamed of myself.  I'm not going to be seeing more than one doctor so that way I don't get 2 different versions of what is best.  My high risk practice knows how to deal with WLS patients.  I did not even want a 4th child, at least not for a few years.  Like I said i'm fresh from just having my 3rd.

The good part is i'm still losing weight and that is ok in the docs minds as long as I stay out of ketosis.  I'm managing to do that by making sure i eat plenty of good and bad carbs.  I don't overload on bad carbs, but I try to have a little bit each day.  They check for ketones every 2 weeks, that's how often I go.  They also do ultrasound each visit to monitor growth.  I will get used to this i'm sure, but as you can all imagine, I already had enough on my plate.

Now I have to have surgery on June 2nd, a week after they tell me what I'm having, which could jeopordize everything.  I'm more concerned for the baby in all of this.  I will be 20 weeks then, and I can't even be excited yet because I have the potential to lose this baby because of the damn mass in my abdomen, not even because of WLS.  We have no choice but to take it off because it's causing me severe pain, and it can also get in the way of the uterus coming out of the pelvis.

I feel so ashamed of myself though.  I have support of people, but feel like I can't come out on the OH messageboards for fear of scolding.  I did everything right, but there is no way in hell I would ever terminate a pregnancy.  If my mass turns out to be cancerous, I would put off my life for the baby and wait to have therapy.  I hope it doesn't come to that, but hey I will do what I gotta do.  

Back to WLS stuff... since I got pregnant I'm finding that a lot of foods that didn't make me dump before are starting too now, for no reason.  I'm used to eating cheese and crackers for lunch, now, it causes me sweats and poudning heart along with nausea.  It's mild dumping always but still.  I don't dump on sugar either, I dump on high fats.  I try to avoid it where possible, but I just got back from vacation and eating out at every meal caused me problems.   I always lost weight with all of my other pregnancies, so maybe even for this, I will come out at or near my first goal of 160.  They can't not expect me to lose weight only 6 months after an RNY so it will happen, it will just happen slowly.  

I can eat pretty much anything without trouble.  I eat more chicken now. I was scared of chicken for a long time because of my lapband and not being able to eat it, but I do well.  I only get stuck with certain forms of hamburger.  Like if I have to have mcDonalds, I cannot have an angus burger patty, it gets stuck, but I am good with a regular hamburger patty from there.  Weird!  Steak does ok, but i've only tried tenderloin, no other cuts.  I do good with salad, and I can even have a very small amount of pasta depending on the type of pasta.  I can eat more than I think I should be able too though.  And I do drink the occasional Coke Zero.  Yeah yeah, like I said, i'm no poster child for RNY.  It causes me no pain and I take it as a treat once and a while.  I also occasionally sip with my meals.  I can't help it though, I had a problem doing that with my lapband as well.  I feel like I am gagging on my food if I can't at least rinse it out of the back of my throat.  But, I don't drink much, just a couple sips during a meal.  I am good with my vitamins and ok with my protein though.  I take a scoop of unjury and mix it with s/f apple cider mix and that is so good and you can barely taste the protein.  I do that, s/f hot chocolate, and Chai.  The chai isn't sugar free, but hey, if it's cold out, that does me good!

I have absolutely no energy.  I have no motivation to get out and do anything.  I'm miserable in that regard.  I now have pregnancy to blame for that though.  Like I said, it's one thing after another. I hope that maybe in December i'll be able to get out and get fit.  Maybe i'd lose more weight and tone up some of this flab if I worked out.  Starting this week it's getting in the 70's here in Michigan, so I'm going to be walking to pick my kids up from school, which is a mile round trip.  Unfortunately I can only do that in September/October and April/May/June due to our crazy weather.  

Mentally i'm just all depressed and stressed out due to everything, but once this is all over, I'll be on the mend. I look in the mirror, and I'm like, ewww gross.  I wear a size 14 pants, but could probably do a size 12 easily, my 14's are loose, very lose.  Yet, I still see a size 26/28 in the mirror.  It's all the hanging skin.  When I sit in the bath tub i'm disgustingly grossed out.  I look like a steaming pile of flub.... he he.   Ah well, as long as I'm clothed i'm happy!

Well enough for now, i'll update my progress as time rolls on. 

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