Where's my head at???

Mar 20, 2012

I think I need therapy. I am totally willing to starve myself to stay skinny and get skinnier. I am so terrified that its killing me. Literally cant sleep, I am terrified of everything that I put in my mouth. If I eat more then I should my mind and body goes into complete freak out mode. If I eat something that isnt good for me and really shouldnt be eatting I go into complete freak mode. My feel like im going to have a mental break down. My body feels like its crawling and my insides feel like they hurt and like im disgusted in myself.

Im having a hard time loosing weight, I can keep it off but loseing it is so hard and im terrified of food and gaining weight. Yet, when something gets put infront of me I almost always eat it. I do have times that I dont but I mostly do. If its in my house I eat it till its gone... YET IM TERRIFIED AND I PANIC AND I FEEL ANXIOUS, I FEEL DISGUSTED, I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE, I CANT SLEEP, I CANT FUNCTION MENTALLY AND ALL I DO IS BEAT UP ON MYSELF.

I HATE ME!!! I.....HATE.....ME!!!!

I know I need help...... I been alone in this my entire post surgery. No doctors have checked up on me and when I call they say im pass my time when I am soooooo not. So I gave up going to them cuz how can I trust someone who doesnt even keep track of me. No therapy to help me, no nutrition classes or anything. Im alone.... as usual and I was doing ok till now!!!!!

IM SCARED!!!!

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