Karidian
Hello optifast.. you son of a bitch.
Dec 21, 2012
Well here we go.
It's just under a month to go until my surgery on Jan 16. I'm feeling a mixture of nerves and excitement at that. My journey, as they say, has been pretty long. From being overweight for longer than I actually would admit, to admitting it, to finally realizing that I had to do something to save my life. That was a hard road, looking at the reality of my situation, facing it. Realizing that I needed help to break so many bad habbits, emotional triggers and so on. When I developed diabetes that should have been the big warning, but I sorta blew it off as "my dad has it". A few years later when my health started to decline and I started to retreat i knew I needed to get something done. I was recommended a lap-band, but I outright rejected the idea. Surgery to me as extreme, invasive.. doing something like that, just because I lacked the willpower to stop eating. It seemed grotesque.
2 years later, I was told something similar by my endocrinologist. This time he didn't pull punches. Sexual function, bowels, organs, my life expectancy.. they were all at risk. So I decided to the TWH clinic and it's orientation meeting. Its scared the shit out of me. I do not like being out of control of my fate, my condition... surgery scared me. It still does. I have a very healthy fear of death. i still got stuff to do. The stats were terrifying. But I pushed on and made it through the various meetings and steps.. until I got to the psychologist. And that's where the shit hit the fan.
Eating for me is hunger yes, but it's also a love, a companion, someone I went to, a way to deal. I was dealing with a lot. I worked with a fantastic psychologist who asked the right questions..and worked on things beyond eating. About who I am, and what I was doing. Cognitive behavior therapy. I recommend it folks.. It's awesome. I feel like the great breakthroughs in my journey were made here. And I continue to try and work on these issues.
So here I am. Scared of surgery? Yep. Going through with it? Hell yes.
Now if only optifast wouldn't make me gag.
