Emotion overload...

May 22, 2012

I am a mixed bag of emotions.  My surgery is 2 days away...May 24, 2012.  i want this surgery more than anything, but I am scared to death!  I don't exactly know what i'm scared of.  And i'm not scared enough to not get the surgery, but I feel so many different emotions.  They are usually changing every hour or so....  I am happy, blessed, excited, and nervous, scared and sad all at the same time.  i have pretty much told everyone in my close family and have received overwhelmingly positive responses and support from everyone.  As far as friends go, I have only told my closest, oldest friend who has known me since we were 9 years old.  Of corse, she is supporting me and happy for me.  

I had all my pre-op testing and my EGD on Friday.  I found out I have an ulcer....I can't believe it. I never felt anything, but she's treating it with pepcid....Also,  the severe sleep apnea....thats just a joy.  I'm so very happy I have had all this testing...he he. Me and my C-PAP machine have not made friends yet.  It's really something that is going to take getting used to.  I can't wait to get this weight off and start to get better physically.

2 days.  2 more days and I will be on my way to the "other side".  I feel like i am going through a break up of some sort.  Or even a death.  I feel like the Krista I have known my whole life is going to "die" and this new person is going to be here.  I know it won't really be like that, but I do really feel that way.  I have been overwight for 25+ years of my life and I have obsessed about my weight and dieting every minute of everyday my whole life.  I feel like I don't know what I will think about once I get to the "thin" me.  I don't know how to live life as a thin person.  I'm sure I'll figure it out, but for now. it remains the unknown, and I don't do well with the "unknown". So it is a big source of stress and anxiety for me.  I talked to my nurse coordinator today, and she is amazing, she had the bypass surgery herself.  She reassured me that everything will be ok.  And to not be afraid to ask for some adavan when I get to the hospital to help ease myself before surgery.  Am I going completely insane?  When I started this journey, I was so pumped and ready to go and I wanted the surgery ASAP.  And now that I'm having the surgery in just a couple days, I'm scared.........

What is wrong with me?

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