Krista1215
Emotion overload...
May 22, 2012
I am a mixed bag of emotions. My surgery is 2 days away...May 24, 2012. i want this surgery more than anything, but I am scared to death! I don't exactly know what i'm scared of. And i'm not scared enough to not get the surgery, but I feel so many different emotions. They are usually changing every hour or so.... I am happy, blessed, excited, and nervous, scared and sad all at the same time. i have pretty much told everyone in my close family and have received overwhelmingly positive responses and support from everyone. As far as friends go, I have only told my closest, oldest friend who has known me since we were 9 years old. Of corse, she is supporting me and happy for me.
I had all my pre-op testing and my EGD on Friday. I found out I have an ulcer....I can't believe it. I never felt anything, but she's treating it with pepcid....Also, the severe sleep apnea....thats just a joy. I'm so very happy I have had all this testing...he he. Me and my C-PAP machine have not made friends yet. It's really something that is going to take getting used to. I can't wait to get this weight off and start to get better physically.
2 days. 2 more days and I will be on my way to the "other side". I feel like i am going through a break up of some sort. Or even a death. I feel like the Krista I have known my whole life is going to "die" and this new person is going to be here. I know it won't really be like that, but I do really feel that way. I have been overwight for 25+ years of my life and I have obsessed about my weight and dieting every minute of everyday my whole life. I feel like I don't know what I will think about once I get to the "thin" me. I don't know how to live life as a thin person. I'm sure I'll figure it out, but for now. it remains the unknown, and I don't do well with the "unknown". So it is a big source of stress and anxiety for me. I talked to my nurse coordinator today, and she is amazing, she had the bypass surgery herself. She reassured me that everything will be ok. And to not be afraid to ask for some adavan when I get to the hospital to help ease myself before surgery. Am I going completely insane? When I started this journey, I was so pumped and ready to go and I wanted the surgery ASAP. And now that I'm having the surgery in just a couple days, I'm scared.........
What is wrong with me?
2 comments
I had all my pre-op testing and my EGD on Friday. I found out I have an ulcer....I can't believe it. I never felt anything, but she's treating it with pepcid....Also, the severe sleep apnea....thats just a joy. I'm so very happy I have had all this testing...he he. Me and my C-PAP machine have not made friends yet. It's really something that is going to take getting used to. I can't wait to get this weight off and start to get better physically.
2 days. 2 more days and I will be on my way to the "other side". I feel like i am going through a break up of some sort. Or even a death. I feel like the Krista I have known my whole life is going to "die" and this new person is going to be here. I know it won't really be like that, but I do really feel that way. I have been overwight for 25+ years of my life and I have obsessed about my weight and dieting every minute of everyday my whole life. I feel like I don't know what I will think about once I get to the "thin" me. I don't know how to live life as a thin person. I'm sure I'll figure it out, but for now. it remains the unknown, and I don't do well with the "unknown". So it is a big source of stress and anxiety for me. I talked to my nurse coordinator today, and she is amazing, she had the bypass surgery herself. She reassured me that everything will be ok. And to not be afraid to ask for some adavan when I get to the hospital to help ease myself before surgery. Am I going completely insane? When I started this journey, I was so pumped and ready to go and I wanted the surgery ASAP. And now that I'm having the surgery in just a couple days, I'm scared.........
What is wrong with me?
Aprrrroooooved!!!!!
Apr 25, 2012
So I got the call today. I have been approved for the gastric bypass surgery by my insurance company! I am scheduled for my surgery on 5/24! May 24, 2012. My new birth-day. The date that forever is now going to mean more to me than any other date. I have so many thoughts and so many feelings/emotions going through me that I am still not really able to process it all in my mind. I think I need to sleep on it and let it sink in and process the information. It still feels so surreal. I just can't wrap my head around it yet.
2 comments
Ready to change....
Apr 15, 2012
So I'm sitting here, starting up my profile and realizing that I need to start my blog, not really knowing what I'm supposed to say. I have been on OH for quite awhile now as I have used this website as part of my information to decide whether to go ahead with WLS. I have spent hours upon hours reading, researching and visiting profiles, before and after pics, reading stories and journies from real live people...gathering up and soaking in all the information my brain could process with each sitting. And now it's my turn. My name is Krista and I'm 33 years old. I'm 5'4" and I weigh 355 pounds. I'm married and a mother to a beautiful little 20 month old girl named Grace Isabella, who is my whole world. I have finally made the life changing decision to have WLS-gastric bypass surgery by Dr. Khaitan in Cleveland, Ohio because of her and my desire to get healthy to be a good role model of a healthy lifestyle for her. To be physically able to keep up with that wonderful bundle of energy that is my daughter! This is a journey that I have thought about for years, prayed about and just recently found the means to have it come true! I have been over weight my whole life. Always the biggest kid in the class, always the girl with the biggest uniform, always the girl to hide from the school nurse on weigh in day and always the one picked last in gym class. Story of my life. I could repeat it year by year like clockwork. Moving on to high school was no different. Same story. Once out of high school, I began the roller coaster of life. Family problems, divorce, weight gain, weight loss, depression, happiness, carreer moves, joyous times, up, down and around enough times to make your head spin. Then I got pregnant and had my baby girl. Then, 4 months later we got married and ever since then, I have been on a spiral up and up. I finally got diagnosed with post partum depression and thyroid disease, and as I'm sure that has attributed to some of the weight problems lately, I know that they are not the cause of all of them. Bad genes? That's what I'd like to think. Lazy? Not at all. I just can't seem to get rid of it. I have tried every diet out there, every pill, shake and "secret formula" possible, and I just have never been able to be the person I know I am inside. In September of 2011, I got a job working for University Hospitals as a Phlebotomist and they have a bariatric center there. I began to meet preop patients coming in for bloodwork, then going to draw their blood the morning after surgery, then seeing them for their post op follow up labs. I could not believe my eyes. Had I finally found a possiblilty? Was this for me? I began talking extensively to these patients, asking them questions about what they were about to go through or what they had been through. No one told me they regret what they did. No one told me they would change and go back to before, EVERYONE told me it was THE BEST THING THEY HAD EVER DONE FOR THEMSELVES! So I searched out our bariatric nurse and made an appointment to go to an information session on February 23, 2012. Best day of my life. My sister and my my step mother went with me and not only did we get information on WLS procedures, but we were able to speak one on one with Julie, the bariatric nurse, who answered all my questions and because I work there, she invited us to stay for the support group meeting that immediately followed. Meeting all these people, all these thin, beautiful, happy people that supposedly had been like me before. Was it possible? The support group meeting turned out to be a question and answer session from us to them. All the post ops talking a bit about their stories and how they came about to do surgery and how again, NONE of them regretted when they had done and EVERYONE of them saying it was the best decision they had ever made. After the meeting was over and Julie got my information from me to contact me to set up an appt with Dr. Khaitan, I walked out of the room and broke in to tears. Sobbing really. The whole ride home. Just knowing that this was for me. This is what I had been meant to do. This is why things had gone so wonderfully and smoothly to become a phlebotomist and why it was even smoother to get a job there. God was on my side on this one. He had led me there. To help me turn my life around. To give me the tool I needed to bring out the person I have been trying for years to let out!
So on March 26th 2012, I had my initial consultation with Dr. Khaitan and her staff. I was told I was a great candidate for the bypass surgery and there were just some things I had to do to be ready for insurance approval. Fortunately, I found out that since I work for the hospital, we have basically pre authorized, authorization for the bariatric surgery, without any physician monitored weight loss efforts needed before approval. I just simply had to get my psychological clearance visit, my nutritional consultation, a letter from my PCP and a couple simple blood tests. I was submitted for approval on Friday April 13th! I sould have a surgery date by this coming Wednesday at the latest because our insurance company has a 24-48 hour turnaround time for approval and once Dr. Khaitans office gets that approval, they will schedule my surgery. They are thinking it will be mid to late May 2012! I cannot believe things are happening as quick as they are! This surgery is something that I have read up on many times in the past, I have investigated and thought about it, but never in my wildest dreams had ever thought would come true, let alone this quickly. I have the full support of my husband, my sister (who is also my best friend and my everything and will more than likely be the shoulder I cry on , the person I lean on and my biggest cheerleader through this whole journey) and my father and step mother. I feel pretty lucky having such a big support system around me.
As I sit here typing this, I have so many things I want to say, so many feelings and emotions running through me day in and day out. I'm so excited, but yet so incredibly scared at the same time. Food has always been my best friend. Through good times and bad, happy and sad, he was always there. Always someone to count on. I'm so happy to get healthy and get my health to a point where I no longer walk around with the fear that I may have a heart attack at any given moment, but a part of me is sad, so sad to break that tie with my friend. A good, reliable friend. Someone that was there for me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Someone that was never too busy for me, never too preoccupied with taking care of someone else, never, ever dared to put me second, someone who cared about me just as much as I cared about him. A friend that has caused this obese body. This big outer shell of a person that can't chase after her daughter, that can't walk up a flight of staris without wanting to die, can't physically stand for long periods of time to take her daughter to the park or for walks, that would never be caught dead in a swimsuit at a pool or the beach, that can't fit comfortably in chairs, basically, that is so limited in everything she does. Some friend, huh? I'm ready to "break up". I can't keep living like this. I want my freedom. I want to be a great role model for my little girl so she doesn't have these issues, so that she isn't embarassed by having the "fat" mom, so that she learns young and has a fulfilling life. So that she can have siblings. As scared as I am, I'm even more optimistic for what the future holds and for whats to come in my life very soon. I'm ready to change.
0 comments
So on March 26th 2012, I had my initial consultation with Dr. Khaitan and her staff. I was told I was a great candidate for the bypass surgery and there were just some things I had to do to be ready for insurance approval. Fortunately, I found out that since I work for the hospital, we have basically pre authorized, authorization for the bariatric surgery, without any physician monitored weight loss efforts needed before approval. I just simply had to get my psychological clearance visit, my nutritional consultation, a letter from my PCP and a couple simple blood tests. I was submitted for approval on Friday April 13th! I sould have a surgery date by this coming Wednesday at the latest because our insurance company has a 24-48 hour turnaround time for approval and once Dr. Khaitans office gets that approval, they will schedule my surgery. They are thinking it will be mid to late May 2012! I cannot believe things are happening as quick as they are! This surgery is something that I have read up on many times in the past, I have investigated and thought about it, but never in my wildest dreams had ever thought would come true, let alone this quickly. I have the full support of my husband, my sister (who is also my best friend and my everything and will more than likely be the shoulder I cry on , the person I lean on and my biggest cheerleader through this whole journey) and my father and step mother. I feel pretty lucky having such a big support system around me.
As I sit here typing this, I have so many things I want to say, so many feelings and emotions running through me day in and day out. I'm so excited, but yet so incredibly scared at the same time. Food has always been my best friend. Through good times and bad, happy and sad, he was always there. Always someone to count on. I'm so happy to get healthy and get my health to a point where I no longer walk around with the fear that I may have a heart attack at any given moment, but a part of me is sad, so sad to break that tie with my friend. A good, reliable friend. Someone that was there for me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Someone that was never too busy for me, never too preoccupied with taking care of someone else, never, ever dared to put me second, someone who cared about me just as much as I cared about him. A friend that has caused this obese body. This big outer shell of a person that can't chase after her daughter, that can't walk up a flight of staris without wanting to die, can't physically stand for long periods of time to take her daughter to the park or for walks, that would never be caught dead in a swimsuit at a pool or the beach, that can't fit comfortably in chairs, basically, that is so limited in everything she does. Some friend, huh? I'm ready to "break up". I can't keep living like this. I want my freedom. I want to be a great role model for my little girl so she doesn't have these issues, so that she isn't embarassed by having the "fat" mom, so that she learns young and has a fulfilling life. So that she can have siblings. As scared as I am, I'm even more optimistic for what the future holds and for whats to come in my life very soon. I'm ready to change.
