kwinkleman

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 Today is my one month surgiversary.  I have lost 37 pounds and I think I am in a stall LOL   But at least I made it this far.  I know that if we can cause stalls ourselves then I caused this one 110%.  I have not been drinking my protein shakes since surgery, they tasted bad before and even worse now.  And I haven't been taking my vitamins like I should.  I never got the chewable calcium so that is totally my fault as well.  But I am going to change all of that.  I just set reminders in my cell phone to take my vitamins, and this weekend since I am off Friday (and its payday) I am going to go get unflavored protein and try to find chewable calcium and get back on track.  TH and I am planning on going to the gym starting next week as well, if we don't go to the gym he has at least promised to walk with me everyday and try to do some type of strengthen exercises.  So I have a plan to get back on track and to continue losing.  It would probably help if I could stay away from the scale...but it is addicting!

Well I hope everyone has a Happy New Year!!!  Stay blessed and be safe!  

 HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!!!!!

Have you ever felt like it was almost impossible to get ahead?  Well that is how I have been feeling lately.  So surgery went fine, then I had a reaction to the pain meds...got that worked out.  Weight started coming off woohoo.  Pain finally started to go away (incision pain).  I finally got back to work.  And now they think I have an intestinal infection.  WHAT??  WHY??  Well according to the nurse who has so conveniently left for vacation till the 3rd of next year intestinal infections are not common (just my luck) but occur from the antibiotics that they give you after surgery.  I have had diarrhea for a month, I am not getting in my protein because the shakes that I have taste horrible after surgery.  I know I am not getting in my water/Gatorade which is not good when you have diarrhea.  I have to take these tiny baby sips so literally I am still working on the same glass that I started at 8am this morning....it is not 11am!  Eating is another story.  It seems that everything I put in my mouth I either don't chew enough or I am taking too big of bites so when it gets to my pouch it hurts.  I have to take the tiniest little baby bites and if I don't I am in extreme pain where I have to get up and walk to try and get it to pass.  Is it going to be this way forever?  I am a month out in 2 days, on week 7 I am suppose to start soft foods....how I am going to be able to eat soft foods if things like chili, cheese, and scrambled eggs get stuck now?  I have faith that it will get better, I read the posts from individuals that are 2+ years out and they are eating pretty normal things.  Are they baby biting it all?  I also never feel full or hungry.  After playing with my small portion of food for a half an hour I usually just give up and move on to doing something else.  We are suppose to wait 30 mins between eating and drinking...I would literally dry up if I did that.  I have to sip on something all day and even then I am not getting in the 64 oz of water/liquid that I need.
I am not just sitting around complaining though...I do have a plan.  I am going to get unflavored protein and put it in everything.  LOL  I am also going to keep sipping until I can't sip anymore.  I have started walking so that is a step in the right direction as far as exercise.  With foods, I guess I will stick to the more soupy/pureed foods.  Crackers (Ritz) and cream cheese goes down great so that is a plus...as I love cream cheese.  Gotta keep it simple I guess.

Well....that is what is going on in my crazy life.  I hope that every one had a Very Merry Christmas...and have a safe and Happy New Year!!

Well I saw one of my surgical associates today, the surgeon was called to the OR so I didn't get to see him...which honestly that was fine with me.  For the first time since this entire process started I felt like the doctor was actually listening.  Maybe it was when I started crying that he realized that I was not playing around.  He was very compassionate and acted like he genuinely cared about how I was feeling.  So when I gathered myself back to normal and wiped my tears he explained that I was doing ok.  He said that he looked at the CT and x-rays and really didn't think that I had a bowel obstruction and if I did I would be showing symptoms like vomiting, constipation, and would be a lot worse off then I am now.  He said that in his opinion the rash was from the strong cleanser that they used right before surgery, I still think it was the pain medication, but oh well it is going/gone away now so its ok.  He agreed that the pain patch was really not in my best interest and was not addressing the pain I was having correctly, so we are trying something else.  He asked me "what can I do to help you"!  A doctor has never asked me that before.  I felt comfortable talking to him, I feel very uncomfortable with my surgeon, not that he is not a great doctor I just think that our personalities don't match.  When I am in pain and don't feel well I don't want someone acting like arrogant.  And that is how he came off when I was in the hospital.  When I said I was having intense stabbing pain....he told me "um yea you did just have major surgery"...really???  But I am also on a morophine pump that I am pressing every 15 mins (yes I counted the minutes until it turned green again meaning I could get another shot).  He didn't seem to care.  So I struggled in the hospital and for the first week when I came home.

Anyway I also met with the NUT, she made me cry too.  Today has been an emotional day.  When I told her I wasn't getting in my protein I thought she was going to kick me but she didn't.  She was very helpful told me that if I can't stomach the protein shakes that I have to eat pureed foods with more protein.  Refried beans covered in cheese, scrambled egg with cheese, cottage cheese, pimiento cheese, tuna, chicken, salmon, things high in protein.  She said that I have to retrain my gut to eat at least 4 times a day....I have only been eating a few bites twice a day.  When I told her how tired I was she said that was my bodies way of saying that something was wrong.  No protein, not eating, not getting in my water, she said eventually my body would start using my muscle for energy which would make things like hair loss worse, and I would feel worse instead of better.  Her insight really helped me as well.  When I told her I was only drinking maybe 20oz of water a day she almost fainted.  I told her that I was just sipping my water because I was afraid I was going to overfill my pouch which would cause more pain then I am already in.  She told me at this stage I should be able to drink a full 4oz at one time.  She told me that the swelling should be down and I should be able to do more, drink more, snack more, eat a little more.  Not to the point of being miserable in pain but that I really have to do what I can to get the protein and water in.  She was not judgmental, she was not rude in her presence and you can tell that she is very devoted and passionate about nutrition and taking care of her body.  And she enjoys helping others know the best way to take care of their bodies as well.

All in all I have to say that I feel better today than I have any other day so far.  And I owe it to the fantastic doctor and NUT that I met with today.  They put things into reality, they let me know that I am not alone, I am not a failure, and that I am on the right track.  This is NOT the easy way out, this is tough, it hurts, its miserable sometimes.  And more times that I can could I have asked myself "why did you do this???"  But I am a positive person and I believe that it will get better.  (it better get better)   

 Today is my two week mark.  It is funny because when I look back the last two weeks have been HORRIBLE..yet it doesn't seem like two week have went by already...even though they have been the longest two weeks of my life.  So I started pureed foods today which includes things like chicken and tuna salad, cheese, crackers (Ritz), eggs, lunch meat, pureed veggies, pureed lean meats, things of that nature.  I tried tuna salad yesterday....it didn't work at all after about 1 minute of swallowing I felt as if my chest was going to explode, I walked it off and decided that tuna is off the menu!  I made homemade chicken salad in my new Ninja food processor....LOL it turned out to be chicken salad soup, it is more the consistency of applesauce than any type of chicken salad that I have ever had before but it tastes good LOL.  I have also found a love for pimento cheese spread.  A scoop of pimento cheese with 3 Ritz crackers is a great meal, so is refried beans with a little sour cream and guacamole....even a little queso cheese  LOL I miss my Mexican food.

I came back to work 1/2 days last Wednesday, today was suppose to be me first full work day....but I am heading to the house now.  I am tired, exhausted is a better word and just feeling kinda yucky.  
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day!