ladyquenn
Sometimes you just have to blow something up, Happy New Years!
Jan 03, 2011
I realize that I didn't post at all during the Christmas season. We had an awesome Yule and circle and gathering with friends. I actually ate the Sugar Free Chocolate Cheesecake Cupcakes we made for circle and it was great! I discovered that corned beef is awesome as well as my sons Krab Dip but that chicken, fish and pork roast was not so good. My family was happy with the gifts and we had fun using them. It was a very West Virginia Christmas at my house this year, weapons and ammo for all except me...I wanted a Sony reader. YEA! I love it! Ill wait to get my gun for my birthday, Ill just use everyone elses till then.
New Years was also great, I started this year out 90 pounds lighter then I started it. Since July I have already lost a third of my total needed weight loss. I haven't been this light in over 5 years, my pants are starting to fall off me and Ive have only been able to fit them for a month. Darn it, Ill have to make some new clothes. I wont have time to make any till after Jacob goes back to WVU this weekend so all our family and friends will have to see the baggy ones this 12th night, but I promise to have some new ones soon that don't make me look like I a homeless person or wearing my Dads clothes.
Speaking of my dad, the day after Christmas 2003 he went into the hospital and never came home again. He had kidney failure (had been on dialysis a while) and pancreatic failure, primarily because he was obese. Not just fat but morbidly obese at over 450 pounds. He had diabetes for over 10 years and still thought all he had to do was take pills and eat what he wanted. He never did learn because on Christmas day he was still eating sugared candy, chocolate, cookies and many, many more things he just never thought he should give up. His last coherent words to me were not "I love you" or anything like that, they were "Don't be me". About 2 weeks later, on January 8, 2004, from long distance I had to tell the doctor to cease life support because no one else in my family really could. This was another reminder that I was the one turned too my whole life to make the tough decisions, it also meant that I could be the one to take the blame. My sister, when she is mad, has actually said to me that I killed dad, she has not dealt with her issues and loves to put them on others. I, however, have spent years learning what my problems are. I'm not saying they are all gone but I do take responsibility for them. I have taken the steps to save my life and to not be like my dad, just like he told me too, and my family is happier for it.
This years 12th night is on the anniversary of my dads death, I'm more worried about my mom since she wont be here. I will be surrounded by my family and friends that I love and that love me, so I will have lots of support this year. I hope he sees that I have don't what he asked and plan on being healthier every day. I don't make new Year's resolutions, they just seem like something to fail at and hate yourself later for but this year I have one, to live. That's all, and to most it seems so simple but we all know it really isn't. I'm going to LIVE! I'm going to swim, camp, hike, play paintball, go hunting, fish and do all the other things that I spent the last 15 years just watching the rest of my family do and I'm going to do them for my Dad too. So to celebrate the changes I have made and to remember my dad I am posting something I wrote for my dad when he died.
Theodore, My Dad
May 1941-January 2004
I have heard it said the worst thing that can happen to a parent is to outlive their children. I have decided that to sum up a parents life in a few paragraphs is very close. Since I have no clue where to start, I begin the way my father said a book about his life should begin. Theodore, when he was born he was very young...
Ted was born in Bakersfield, California, May 1941. He was what some would have called a spirited child, others might have used the term trouble maker instead. When he and his best friend Tom weren’t testing the combustibility of flatulence and throwing cats and dogs into the local women’s luncheon, Ted could be found at the afternoon sci-fi matinees or studying magic at the local magic shop from Howard Thurston III. His love of Science Fiction, Magic, and Chemistry would lead him to have an eventful life.
By highschool, Ted was considered a very bright kid with not-so-bright grades. Between mixing rocket fuel to test on the football field before homecoming and charity magic shows for fund raising and children’s events, he managed to develop interest in astronomy and some skills in photography. In 1959, right out of highschool, Ted joined the Navy and served 2 years. He was trained as a Sonar Technician and went to sea. After his term was up he came back to Bakersfield to go to college and joined the reserves for 2 years. His interest in astronomy and photography took him from the realm of his friend 'Tom, the soon to be jailbird’ to Bakersfield Junior College. There he studied astronomy while improving his photography by working on the schools yearbook committee. With a teachers encouragement he had many photos published. Not just in the schools publications but in the newspapers locally. One of his more dramatic images captured was taken at a football game seconds before the players ran over him. He did anything to get the best shots.
During this time his life changed focus. When faced with the uncertainty that a photo career might have, he decided to reenlist in the United States Navy. He had hoped to be able to use his photography skills in the navy, but as we all know once you sign up you don’t get much of a say, so in 1962 Ted became a Squid again. During his career time he served in Vietnam, crossed the equator twice, and was an instructor at the Fleet Anti-Submarine Warfare Training Center Pacific in San Diego, California. His kids called it ‘Fleet-aswa-tra-cen-pac’ for short because that is what they thought his name tag said.
In 1964, while home on leave, Dad went to a party with his friend Tom (who wasn’t in jail yet) and met Carolyn Jo. In the first five minutes he managed to convey to Carolyn and her friends what he really was, a vulgar sailor that she wanted nothing to do with. Carolyn’s dislike of Ted in no way dissuaded him. You see years of running from angry luncheon guest and blowing things up had made him stubborn. He decided he wanted to marry her and that was the way it was going to be. But alas, even that could not be simple. Carolyn said yes, they started to plan a wedding, then the Navy decided to mess things up. Ted’s home port was being changed to Honolulu, Hawaii. The Navy would only pay to move dependants not fiancees, so Carolyn’s official designation had to change, and quick.
They had started planning the wedding but at that moment a road trip to Las Vegas was born. Carolyn’s Mother, Rachael, in her infinite wisdom helped them to go to Las Vegas to get married. After a car breakdown in Barstow followed by a rescue, Ted and Carolyn finally got married on August 22, 1964 at the Little White Chapel on the Hill. He then promptly had to leave for Hawaii and my mom and dad wouldn’t see each other again until she arrived there months later and very pregnant with their first child, Teddi Rachael. Ted always said "How many husbands give their wives a 2 year honeymoon in Hawaii?"
During this time in Hawaii, Carolyn met the LDS missionaries and desired to join the church. Ted was out to sea at the time so Carolyn sent him a letter telling him what she wanted to do. He wrote back that she could go ahead if she wanted to, just don’t make him when he got back. A couple months after he returned from sea he had heard the discussions, quit drinking and was baptized. Ted has a very strong testimony of what he believes and not being physically able to go to church for a couple years did nothing to change that.
The navy makes life difficult sometimes, moving around can be both a blessing and a curse. Their next child, Patti Catherine, was born in San Diego, California in 1967, then Kathi Christine met the world suddenly in 1968 in Bakersfield, California, and finally Joseph Andrew arrived in 1971 back in San Diego again.
Ted left the United States Navy and the West Coast after 23 years of service. He then relocated his family to the east coast in 1980. Living in Manassas and Herndon, Virginia and later moving to Joppatowne and Gaithersburg, Maryland. He became a technical writer for companies including, IBM, Singer/Link, and Martin-Marietta.
Ted didn’t just use his teaching and writing skills for work. He spent a lot of his free time writing teaching curriculums for church as well as training teachers and teaching seminary. One of my favorite stories from his Sunday school teaching days was when her brother was a sunbeam. Ted was working with a group of first time teachers and Joe’s class was to be the test class. When the children were asked where did they come from, my brother proudly raised his hand and answered "Room 3". When the new teacher tried to explain that wasn’t the answer, Joe responded, "It said so on the door". The teacher didn’t have much experience with the Smith family "smart-aleck" gene, and in all fairness, Joe wasn’t trying to be a "smart-aleck" it just came naturally in our house.
In 1997 Ted and Carolyn moved to Kansas to be close to Joe and his family, then later to North Carolina to help Patti with her business and family. In both Kansas and North Carolina he had time again to study the stars and pursue other things he liked to do. Astronomy was something he enjoyed doing, and the small towns made it easier for him to see the sky. He also was an active computer and tabletop gamer and enjoyed collecting miniature figures.
Ted always taught his family and students that if you read from the Bible, Book of Mormon, Pearl of Great Price, Doctrine and Covenant, the church magazines, and one other book a year you could always give a 10 minute talk without much notice. Well, I don’t read all of them as he would like, but as you can see I can still write a talk when I needs too. I am still mad at him for making me have to write this, but Ted said he would get me to speak in church again and he was close.
Ted told his family many times there were certain things that made him very happy. He had three daughters and one son that on occasion did things he wished they hadn’t, but they finished highschool when some of their friends didn’t, he never had to bail them out of jail, and they didn’t do drugs. They all married people he was proud to call family even when they all ticked him off. Ted said that they married well because he knew their spouses loved them. He had five grandchildren he was proud of, Jacob, Rachael, Andrew, Gabrielle, Holly and a cat named Tigger, all of whom he tormented equally. I would have rather he not taught them the "pull my finger" game, but that is what grandpas do. I think Kathi got off easy only having a cat.
In closing, I remember that some of Ted’s apologies took 10 minutes to get and some took 10 years. Some things he said this last summer, and some he waited until he was in the hospital. I am reminded that my Dad had two things he always told everyone to remember. First, Murphy was an optimist, and things can always be worse, and second, the sun always comes up tomorrow. He reminds us that we have children to turn into parents and grandparents, and that it is our duty to make sure that they outlive us because that is the way it’s supposed to be. But until our time comes, we should grow, learn, make mistakes, apologize for them eventually, and occasionally blow something up.
