Hello Everyone,

I am again fighting the head battle... I know that my body can deal without junk, I did it for years... but my head is screaming for carbs...I am tracking what I am eating again and trying to remain honest with myself about it. 

How sad is it that I have a hard time being honest with myself. I can eat something then when I have to write it down, I struggle with it.  But this is a process and I know that and I am trying to get my head back into the game of how bad I want this and why I did this all to begin with. 

I reread my posts and I remember the pain in my life and how desperate I was for this. How much work and time I invested to prepare and make this the most successful chance I could to be healthy. 

So now that I am reconnecting with that, I have to go back to what I did in the beginning. Undo the damage i have done in the past 3yrs.  

I am looking for ways to stop using food again to cope. 

I am going to check out all of the stuff that has been added to this site to acquaint myself with it and be able to use it to help me the most.

So yesterday I went out with my mother, my daughter, my sister and my sister-in-law. I ate a healthy breakfast in the morning, then when we had lunch i went with a turkey breast wrap, dry with lettuce and tomatoe and no cheese. I had unsweeted tea and a few chips. I ate half at lunch and the rest later in the afternoon. I tried a piece of a jelly donut thing my daughter bought...uuugghhh... so hard sometimes not to try stuff.   then last night my brother and sister cooked dinner for me, my mom, my sister in law and brother in law.  I had 6 scallops (yum) and half of an asiago cheese roll with butter, I later ate the other half of the roll (didn't want to do that). I also ate some granola with honey and nuts (some...like 1 1/2 cups). then later i ate a hershey with almonds bar, and a handful of chocolate covered coffee beans. I was doing good all day then struggled at night. I am fighting alot of head stuff.  I would appreciate any suggestions of what to do to help.

I really want to do this, to use my tool to lose the 30 I gained back, plus build healthy habits.

Well thanks for letting me rant and rave here. I am striving to come on here at least every other day... part of being honest.

Lisa H.

340+/209/178  -141lbs

rny/gb 10-23-03