luv2laf70
Hmmmm
Feb 22, 2010
So it's been almost two years now and I only lost 70 lbs and gained 15 of them back. It is completely my fault and I know that. I still give myself cudos for losing what I did but am still very upset that I didn't lose more. I got to a point in my life where I was feeling good about myself and instead of enjoying it I spiralled down a dark path. I started drinking and as we all know that can put weight on you. Well, that's what happened to me. Now I'm struggeling to get it back off. I am depressed about it and don't want to go out into public. Everyone around me is having the surgery and having their WOW moments and I am so unhappy. I am jealous of them and want so badly to not be. I'm so happy because everyone deserves it. I just don't know how to get out of the funk and learn to like myself. Sometimes I think I sabatage myself because I'm afraid to be thin. I think i proved that to myself when I started drinking. Anyway, noone is going to read this but I'm just glad to vent. i have so much inside of me to get out but am afraid to say it all out loud. I'm afraid someone will here me and not understand it all. How stupid is that.
