mandajolyn
Three weeks until my new life!
Feb 05, 2010
Three weeks until I have surgery and I'm relatively calm. As someone who worries and has anxieties about everything it's weird to feel so content about something. I'm sure as the days wind down I'll be more anxious about it. I think the last two weeks since I scheduled surgery my mind has been racing, thoughts are everywhere. I've asked myself (and my husband) if I'm making the right choice, if I can do this, if I can follow the plan and then I think about my reasons for doing this. I think about where I've been, how much of my life I've missed because of my weight, I think about what I want in life and all the dreams that have been put on hold because of my weight. I've been overweight since I was ten, I don't remember ever being "thin" and I do wonder how I'll adjust as I lose the weight. I'm very mindful of the mental/emotional stuff I have going on, I have to be. If I'm not I'll completely fall apart and I worry that I won't be able to deal with the adjustments. I deal with mental illness and I'm terrified that it'll affect me after surgery. I try to pay attention to how I feel, what I'm thinking and notice the things that may trigger anxiety.. I plan to go to therapy regularly so that as my body changes, as my life changes I can stay out of my head and keep from freaking out. I've learned that with any life change we need all the support we can get. I'm extremely lucky and blessed to have a wonderful husband who's been my rock through some really hard challenges. I've got amazing, supportive friends who are there for me every step of the way. Through this process I've met some really awesome people and continue to meet new friends who remind me that I'm not alone in my journey. When we are different, we often wonder or think that no one can understand what it's like, so it's a blessing to meet so many people who do know what it's like. People who are there or who have been there, they are such an inspiration and they remind me that I can do this.I'm scared but hopeful and I feel confident that this is the right choice for me. There are SO many things that I want to do with my life and at 28, I've missed to much already! I want a family, I've been with my husband for 7 years, married to him for 8 months and it breaks my heart that I can't give him babies right now. I'm hopeful that will change after surgery. The things I look forward to are the small things, being able to move easier, sleep better, walk further, have less pain. I can't wait to have babies, ride a bike, take a dance class, do so many things that I haven't been able to do. When I think about the work that is involved, the risks, the possible complications of surgery, it pales in comparison to the life lost, the health deteriorated, and the risk that's involved in being so overweight. My life is about to change and as scary as it is, I'm thrilled!
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About Me
Tallahassee, FL
Location
31.9
BMI
Surgery
03/26/2010
Surgery Date
Sep 29, 2008
Member Since
