10 months and a battle with my brain!

Jan 28, 2011

I can't believe it's already been 10 months since I had WLS!! It's been a surreal, crazy ride and somehow it all seems to be catching up to me now. I think I've handled the changes overall pretty well until recently. Over the last ten months I've had moments where I think I'm still bigger but usually I can look at my progress pictures and snap out of it. For some reason lately even when I look at pictures or in the mirror I see HUGE!! I want to put on my over sized sweat pants and t shirts and hide! Nothing seems to look good and I have this perception that I'm still so big. I have a lot of sagging skin, especially in my belly and I know that doesn't help matters much. The reality of it is, I'm not that 450 pound woman I was a year ago!! I have lost 152 pounds, I see the number on the scale and the jeans that are 10 sizes smaller but my mind doesn't get it!! Maybe it's a funk I'm in or something! I'm seeing a therapist so that I can get out of my head and learn to embrace this new person I'm becoming. It's scary because I'm at a place I've never been before, I'm doing things I've never done before and It's all foreign to me! It'll take time to adjust and I know that I'll get there, it's just frustrating when your mind doesn't see the reality of what's there! Regardless, I'm proud of myself for all I've accomplished in the last ten months and I'm really enjoying living life! I'm a work in progress I know! I guess when you spend most of your life so big, it's hard to grasp the changes and the smaller you! I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm not that person anymore! It's hard to believe that I'm almost a year out but I don't regret a thing and I'm anxious to see what lies ahead! With a little help and a lot of faith I know it can only get better right?
I weigh myself on Fridays because that's the day I had surgery and this morning I stepped on the scale and saw 274, 152 pounds lost since surgery!! WOW!  Now to beat it into my thick head, lol I think I'll go try on my old jeans, maybe that will help! 

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