Life Plan Devotion #224 [through the waters]

May 25, 2010

Hi, Everyone.
What a beautiful day here in Kansas! I have windows open, to bring in the breeze and so that I can hear the birds singing. What a beautiful day to be alive and to live for the Lord!
Please pray for those having surgery today, for those recovering from surgery, and please pray for one of the readers of the Life Plan Devotion, who must deal with a serious family issue today. God knows the details.
If you are new to this daily devotion, or if you've missed the past few devotion posts, you may wish to visit my profile blog and read them, before reading today's.
Have a great day.
Blessings,
Mary

Life Plan Devotion #224 [through the waters]

Isaiah 43:2a "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you" (NIV).

     In the early stages of coming out of a chloroform-induced state, I do not grasp the exchange of words between Nate and Cedric, nor am I able to understand why Cedric is saying that I promised to sing a song to them, but I pay attention to the four words whispered to me by God, "Say nothing; just sing."
     I open my eyes, the sunlight piercing them, causing much pain. Clearing my throat, I croak out, "What?"  Cedric repeats himself, reiterating my promise to sing a song. I see Nate staring at me, in the rear view mirror. The voice inside me, no longer a whisper, again warns, "Say nothing; just sing."
     Opening my mouth, I sing the first song I can think of, a song from my childhood, a song that wells up from the deepest part of me, "Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong, they are weak but He is strong."
     By the time I finish the chorus, the car turns into the church parking lot. I fumble and fairly stumble out of the car. Despite still feeling confused and in pain, I manage to say, "Thanks for the ride." Cedric giggles and responds with, "No. Thank you."
     Climbing the steps and entering the church, feeling like I must be getting the flu, I am surprised that the service has already begun. I look at the clock at the back of the church--it is 7:10--two hours and ten minutes have passed.
     My therapist has me breathe my way back to the present, and I open my eyes. My face and blouse is drenched with my tears. I didn't realize I had cried through the nearly two hours of hypnosis, of the two hours of trauma I endured on Sunday, June 13, 1971.
     Why didn't I remember what happened, when it happened. If I had, I could have tried to fight or get away, but my therapist says, "You might have been killed." I know he's right.
     In a state of shock, I do realize that being chloroformed and raped at the age of 15 changed who I am, and it explains why I had panic attacks and depression for decades, why I'm obese, why I have trouble trusting men and being intimate with my husband.
     After getting back home, I write in my journal. I don't want to risk forgetting all that I remembered. My daughter comes through the door, and we talk. I share everything, but I begin to question my memories. Maybe it was all just my vivid imagination.
     My daughter says, "Didn't you remember the date?" and I say, "Yes, Sunday, June 13th, 1971." My daughter pauses, then says, "If that date was a Sunday, wouldn't you have to believe?" and I shake my head "yes."
     We move to the computer, and I type in "June 13, 1971" at the Search bar. It takes a while to find a web site that provides a calendar for 1971, not just a list of what happened on that day, but we're finally successful. I scroll down the page of monthly calendars to June, and I hold my breath.
     There it is--June 13, 1971, and it was, indeed, a Sunday. It's all true. It has to be. I sit there weeping, with a mixture of regret and relief.
     I had begun a new chapter in my life, one that was to make me more desperate for God than I had ever been. [to be continued]

What this has to do with weight loss:
When you get to the root of why you gained weight in the first place, you are at a moment of decision. You can continue the self-destructive behavior, or you can decide to deal and heal, knowing that it won't be instant, nor will it be easy. Know that while you may experience moments where you feel like you're passing through high waters, the Lord is with you, and you will pass through.

Prayer for Today:
"Heavenly Father, there are times when there seems to be no shortage of problems and crises, but it makes me realize all the more that there is also no shortage of Your grace. You have promised that You can work all things for our good, for those who love You and have been called according to Your purpose (Romans 8:28). I may not be able to imagine how that's possible, but I trust You. I know Your Word is true, and I'm willing to be patient, to see Your Word fulfilled in my life. I'm desperate for You, Lord. You are the air I breathe. You are the only song I can sing. When I begin to fear the difficult days ahead, when I must confront the past, I ask You to grant me a willing heart, to sustain me. I pray in the Name of Jesus, who was crucified, who paid for all sin, even the sins committed against me. Amen."

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