melly37

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First off, I am weighing in at 194 today, so no change really from a week ago.  Can't complain, could be going up!

On Monday my best friend emailed me at work and said she no longer wanted to be my friend.  She didn't have any real explanation for this....she tried to say I didn't answer a couple of long emails from her, but I never got those emails.  She is going through a lot, and has been for the last two years or so.  Her teenage son is HORRIBLE to her and has really turned her life upside-down.  She has turned to valium, and she was already on anti-depressant and anxiety meds.  

I have been worried about her and have gone over to check on her when I could.  I don't know if all of the stress and meds have her going completely bonkers or what.....but the nasty emails she sent on Monday were totally out of the blue and very unwarrented.  I was shocked when she sent the email,  but I was also EXTREMELY hurt  and VERY angry .  My band at that point SLAMMED SHUT.  ALMOST COMPLETELY!!  I couldn't really get water down.  I had to spit the water back out because it wasn't going down. 

I was scared.  That night I came home and knew better than to try and eat.  Instead, I made two cappicinos and tried to calm down.  My sweet DH really tried to help out.  He knows her well too.....and knows she can get a wild hair up her butt and freak out.  This time was different and my DH was cussing her out for hurting me like this.  After a few days had passed I really just felt sorry for her.  I can't just love someone one day and hate them the next.  As a friend I wanted to reach out and help her....for whatever she is going through.  But.....I didn't want to risk trying to talk to her and getting upset all over again.  When my band shut, it actually hurt!  I don't want that to happen again!  Maybe I should be on valium!  ha ha ha ha  I think I will have some wine tonight and just try and chill out.   I have five days off of work including the weekend and I intend to enjoy it.  My OH buddy Linda K has been so good to me, listening and letting me lean on her virtual shoulder.  Maybe one day I will have the chance to meet her in person. 

Okay, so for two days in a row I am at 194.4!!!  Wooo Hooo!!   I am loving that!!

The new bariatric clinic that my insurance has directed me to go to emailed me a packet to fill out and fax back to them.  It's the same damn thing I had to fill out when I was HOPING to have surgery with Frezza.  LOL  It will be a little more fun filling it out this time as my co-morbidities have gone in to remission!  ha!  So, I guess one of the big questions.....is having the band a physician supervised diet?    tee hee!  Oh well, I am very happy with my results so far.

A co-worker asked me if I was proud of myself with losing the weight that I have.  I didn't hesitate a bit.  I said, "Yes, I have worked very hard to get here!" I definitely think those power walks at lunch are helping me out right now for sure! 

I got a call from my PCP on Monday with my blood test results.  DIABETES has been CONTROLLED!!  Wooo Hooooo!!  No meds are needed anymore!!  My A1C was 6.1, and I am sure it will only get better.   He said everything looked good, EXCEPT my cholesterol.  The number had crept up to 224.   I certainly don't understand that one.  Oh well, hopefully that will only get better also.

I am also reporting that I had my Upper GI test done yesterday.  I think everything looked good.  We'll see what the trained surgeons had to say though.  I compared my pictures to the ones Sandy posted recently of strectched pouches, etc.  My pouch didn't look stretched at all, but the band looked tight!  LOL 

  Okay, I weighed in at 197 this morning!!  Woooo Hoooo!!!  I did go up last week to 200 for two days then back down again.  I really think my power walks at lunch are helping me a lot.  If I can make myself do them during the hottest part of the year, I should have no trouble keeping this up throught the fall and winter months! 

My size 16 pants are getting a little loose on me, so today I am going to try on some 14's!!  I can't wait to try some on and see if they fit comfortably.  Several people at work have been commenting on how nice I am looking, I have to admit it feels really good.  I think it feels even that much better because I know I am working hard to get to where I am....it's not just falling off automatically. 

I hope my Upper GI goes well on Tuesday.  I am just a little worried because it's so early in the morning and my band is super tight in the mornings.  Last night I was able to eat about 3 TBS of grilled chicken, 3 TBS of broccoli and 1-2 TBS of beans.  That's a good healthy dinner, and even though that's not a lot of food, I think it's a good bandster size meal.  So, most of the time I don't think my band is too tight, but the new doc will think so just by looking at the morning results of barium going through.  The new docs might not even be looking for tightness.....they probably mainly want to see if the band is positioned right, no slips or dilations.  I sure hope everything looks good!

It's amazing with 63 pounds gone I am starting to feel so different.  I mean when I touch my elbows, knees, and shoulders I can actually feel bones that have been hiding out under mounds of fat!  ha!  It feels so good!!  I can feel my hip bones if I push in...it will be great when I can feel them easily!  I am hoping to hear about my blood test results soon also.  I hope the numbers look really good!

I made it!  I made it!  I made it!!  I usually update this once a week, but had to pop in and celebrate being at 199.4 this morning!!!!!  It felt so good not to see the 2 at the beginning!!  I know with my body I might be 200 again tomorrow, but I won't probably go much higher than that ever again, thank goodness!!

The scale said 200.6 this morning!!  UGH!!  I recovered from Auntie Flow okay.....she just always seems to throw things off!!  Damn her!!  I am at least confident now that I will hit ONEderland this week though!  My friend Linda (from the boards) have bee really trying to help each other get to that mini goal and she made it this morning!  Yeah!!   We both came to realize that we have worked too hard and been through too much to just let the weight stall now. 

I have my Upper GI done in a couple of weeks.  I hope and pray that my band and pouch look good.  I just can't understand why my band is so tight still.  IF everything looks like it's supposed to then I will be happy and thankful I haven't needed another fill yet.  So, please cross your fingers ad pray that my band and pouch are good!   Yesterday, I couldn't really eat much of anything.  "Journey" was extra tight.  I have been very stressed lately at home and some at work, so that can pretty much explain it.  However, my mind starts thinking awful things about slips, etc. 

I will try to make time to ride my bike this week,and I am going to tackle cleaning out the closet.  I have no idea how much and what kind of winter and fall clothes I need until I get in there and try on some stuff!  Luckily I saw some size 16 dress pants (a few pair) the other day that I guess I kept from the last time I yo-yo'd down to that size.  LOL  No more yo-yo'ing for me now!!!  And THAT is a great feeling!!! 

Auntie Flow came to see me yesterday.  UGH!!   She really tightens up my band and makes me feel miserable.  Cramps, back ache, fatigue.  Yesterday was Joe's birthday, so he took a day off and we went to see Batman.  I normally don't have trouble with popcorn, but I had some trouble yestrday.  To continue my unhealthy eating, we made some corn dogs for dinner and that was a no-no.  The few bites I had felt stuck in my stoma. 

I am sipping a protein shake now, and will probably have coffee, water and soup the rest of the day.  My weight still refuses to get below 201.  I really want to get down below 200 finally.   UGH!  I don't know why it's going so dang slow! 

I have my upper GI scheduled for August 19th, I sure hope everything looks good.  Some days, like yesterday I am always afraid I am stretching my pouch.    There  have been a lot of people posting about slips, etc. lately.  It makes me paranoid.  It makes me wonder just how delicate your stoma and esophogus are.  I mean.....would it take repeated and extreme abuse o cause a slip or pouch dilation?  Or, could it be just a couple of bad days?   I love my band....I'm sure most of my negativity is Aunt Flow talking.  Stupid bitch.  LOL