melly37

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

I had my follow-up with Dr. Acosta this past Friday.    I truly dreaded this appointment, as I know I have not met any of his goals for me, thus far.  My eating has been OKAY most of the time, but the little bit of bad days, have totally thrown my weight loss out the window. 

I thought I had probably gained a couple of pounds since my last visit in August, but it turned out to be FIVE FREAKING POUNDS!!  That is quite a bit.....it takes a lot for me to lose 5 pounds.    I weighed in at 182 on his scales.  It was 179.9 on my own that morning. 

The NUT reviewed my eating log and declared I wasn't eating enough.  *sigh*  Seriously?  I know that isn't true.  I had a few days where my calories were over 1,000 and then some days around 700 or so.  I just think my body needs ULTRA low calories to be able to lose.  The problem with that is I can hardly ever stick to low calories.....I am talking below 800 every single day. 

She also said my protein intake was too low.  I had eliminated my protein shake a couple of months ago to save on calories and carbs, but now I am not getting quite enough protein.  She was pleased, for the most part, on my carb counts.  She suggests 60 a day.  So, I finished up with her and waited on Dr. Acosta.

I could tell he was disappointed with me.  That hurt quite a bit.  He is a good man and has helped me out quite a bit.  I don't want to let him down.  I told him about every angle I am trying and approaching to lose my weight.  I am seeing the endocrinologist NP, and will be starting therapy soon. 

He kind of seemed at a loss as to what to tell me.  I talked to him about the calorie amounts and he agreed that it would be okay if I went super low with my calories as long as I added in a protein shake and kept my protein numbers up.  He then lowered his expectations for me. 

This was hurtful and a relief, all at the same time.  He set his sites on me getting down to 157, which would be at a 50% EWL.  This means losing 25 more pounds.  The lowest I accomplished with the band was 152, so I know it's totally doable.  I was actually VERY happy at that weight.  So, he basically reset his goal for me to match what I already had in mind.....but the fact that he lowered his expectation on what HE thought I could accomplish really kind of stung.  I left my appointment feeling like a failure.  Dr. Acosta and his staff were kind to me and never once said anything inappropriate.......I just know I let him down and am letting myself down, as well.  *sigh*

My next appointment will be in June.  I have 6 months in front of me and I am betting on me.  Yes, I am still on my own timeline, but I feel I am close to getting it all together.  Have a great week, everyone!

I see Dr. Acosta a week from tomorrow for a follow-up appointment.  Will I miraculously lose 20 pounds in a week?    Uhhh......no.  Will I possibly disappoint him because I haven't lost but a few measly pounds since seeing him back in August?   Mostly likely....yes. 

Instead of stressing about what I have and haven't done, I am choosing to focus on the positives.  Even though my eating has not been a shining example for anyone, I have not gained weight.  I have also been dealing with some very weird hormonal issues.  I am truly hoping that those issues are resolving!! 

The endocrinologist NP that I have been seeing put me on Metformin.  Even though my blood sugars are pretty good (A1C is almost normal), she felt that Metformin could help out with the hormonal issues.  After taking it for a couple of weeks my period actually came ON TIME and it was a regular, heavy period!  I never thought I would rejoice over such a thing!  ha ha  However, if this continues, that means I won't be experiencing the cravings, tiredness and moodiness of PMS for weeks on end!!  Those PMS cravings were killing me. 

My period that started on the 1st is still here, but dwindling....and the scale shows 180.0.  So, not too bad. 

I have also made the decision to "fix" my eating compulsions.  I did contact the therapist that was recommended to me that specializes in eating disorders.  She has a waiting list, but said she would contact me in January for an appointment. 

All of this being said, I know I won't make the goals my surgeon had set forth for me by this next follow-up, but guess what?  I am following my own timeline.  I am working through my issues and not giving up.  I WILL get to my goal.....just in my own time!