Quest for Knowledge

Jan 25, 2010

I spent more than 7 hours straight last night scouring the net for information about the different procedures. Initially I was looking into RNY but after much thought I'm looking more into VSG. I think the thought of having normal body functions post-op gave me a little comfort in my decision to have surgery at all.

I'm really wrestling with the feelings of failure. I know I shouldn't feel like this, but I just feel like maybe there is something wrong with me. How could I let myself get to this point? Why couldn't I just be more disciplined? Why don't I have will power? I can't even bring myself to tell people what I am contemplating for fear of judgment. I just can't do it alone. I've tried. I know failure! I just for once would like to sleep with a little success by my side. I just for once I want to be healthy. I'd rather cut out 85% of my stomach now, than die of heart failure not so far from now.

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