delayed again

Jun 10, 2012

So I still haven't had my surgery yet. When I arrived at the hospital on the day of the surgery I waited about 20 minutes before the front desk told me I had a call from bariatrics. I took the phone and listened to them tell me that because my psychiatrist hadn't signed off on it I wasn't eligible for the surgery because they're a center of excellence. I just wished they would have told me before I showed up. A woman even called the day before to make sure I was coming for surgery. So what did I do? I lost hope, started smoking again, immediately went off the pre-op diet and ate my way through my feelings. I lost ten pounds on my pre-op diet, but I've probably gained it all back now.

As things stand, I have to wait until my psychiatrist appointment on the 19th until I can even think of rescheduling the surgery. Which is frustrating, because I was all ready to go and now the doubts have been creeping back in, fostered largely by people I know who say I just need to lose weight the natural way. It seems like a lot of people have horror stories that they want to tell to me about someone they knew who it went badly for. There are very few people, perhaps none, that I would say fully support me. People are worried, I understand that, but it only causes me to worry more.

My mom keeps bringing up to me how hard it is for me to quit smoking. I know of the risks, but I also know a woman who had the surgery who smokes. And my ex smoked before and after. I want to quit but so many people smoke, and I keep getting drawn back in.

Overall though it doesn't seem real to me that I'm actually going to have the surgery. It probably won't until I talk to my psychiatrist and figure out what's going on in that department.

2 Comments