Well my 4 month anniversary  is today and exactly at 100 pounds lost as of today!!!! Well I still do not see it but the scale does not lie or at least can not. Getting kinda depressed because my long hair is gone now. This is worse than the actual bypass surgery for me to handle. Kinda over coating the loss of 100 pounds for me right now. Saw my new PT two days ago. I am real excited to start working out there. Starts next week. I have many aches in my muscles and joints that are new for me. My Dr says it is the firbermialga acting up. But my over all pain level is wayyyyy down from before. Last week as well my Dr reduced the kind of pain meds I have been on for the last 4 years. ANOTHER WOHOOOO!!!! Though I did try to not take them but my pain level was so high my blood pressure was going tooo high. Now that I am taking them and the pain level is less my BP is back to normal. I hope one day soon I will not have to take them anymore. Loosing this weight will be the key to it. I am well on my way. Took new pictures the other day and posted them here as well. I keep looking at them and do not see much difference but everyone that knows me says it is a major difference. I will refer to them and the scale on my judgment of the loss right now.

 

7-21-08
3 month anniversary it today!!!!!
Well I have not posted in a bit now. Just living life day to day. Nothing incredibly
 special has happened. Just trying to get through all this one day at a time. I still do
not "feel" the weight loss emotionally. I still look in a mirror and see me as I "was".
Been going to PT 3 days a week as well as working out in the pool where I live. As of a
couple days ago I stopped going to Physical Therapy because the therapist was not
doing anything for me but sitting there watching me do the water exercises I have been
doing in my pool for over 2 months now. I was not learning anything from him and he was
just exhausting my insurance for the year on the PT option. I was not getting anything
out of it except maby the first day that I learned 2 new stretches. That was it. I
figure I was doing the same things way before I started with him I can keep doing it
and do not need him staring at me taking about movies while I am doing it. I am very
motivated myself anyway. Just do not have access to a decent weight scale anymore so
I do not have a clue how much I have lost in the last 2 and a half weeks. Could be 5
pounds or 25. As I said I look in the mirror and still see my old me. I know I am close
to a loss of 100 pounds now. WOWO did I really say that?? Anyway, I still battle my
"tummy" every day. It is a very cranky thing. And very hard to get along with
sometimes. I can vomit for no reason and it does it when ever the hell it wants to. For
over a week now I have been vomiting about every morning when I get  up. NO I am
NOT pregnant. It would be one of those immaculate things if I was. Not sure why I
vomit it is not from eating something because my tummy is empty. But it definitely
vomits when ever the hell it wants to for no reason. I guess it is just something you
have to get use to. As little as I eat now I never worry about calories anymore. My
biggest worry is getting in enough food acceptable to my tummy every day. I drink
water like a fish and take my vitamins. Those were a pain in the butt to find some that
my tummy would accept as well. But I have as well found that the Vitamin B12 shots
are like energy on steroids and I love them. I get one a month. Makes a major
difference on my energy level as well. God bless my surgeon for giving those. Hum what
 else as happened.... my oldest son turned 19 and had a big BBQ for him. I did soo well
at the party I did not even have an urge to eat  Though the few peaces of cake I
brought back from it for him to eat did tempt me but I did not even have a nibble. I
was proud of myself. I have as well found out i do not get dumping syndrome. I know
with all this vomiting you might think I have it but I can eat peanut butter and vomit, I
eat nothing I vomit and I have tried a couple surgery things and nothing happens. So I
just NEVER buy or keep anything in the house that is junk food. Not even a crumb.
That has helps sooo much. The biggest sweet I get is a handful of my son's Berry
Cheerios. WOW it is actually pretty good when I have a sweet tooth. That or a few
slices organic sliced peaches. These things I do keep in stock. I can keep to a diet real
good as long as I do not even take a bite of anything. I know myself well enough to
know that even one bite can really screw up a diet for me. So I have been trying sooo
hard not to even thing about food I can not have. That and I just think how cranky my
stomach gets now when I give it new things.
Enough babbling. I will post sooner than this next time ;o)

6-25-08
Well I am 386 today. I have been averaging a loss of a pound a day for a while now ;o)

Went into the PT office today for the first time. Had a good workout in the pool. Will
 be going 3 days a week for a little while. I did more in that pool today that I thought
 I would have been able to do. NICEEEEE I see the scale loosing weight but I still do
 not "feel" the loss when I look in a mirror yet. I see it in the cloths I ware and soon
 not to ware. But I still have yet to feel it inside of my emotions. All things will come in
 their right time I guess.

Well I am getting over a nasty cold for the last few days. Saw my GP today I am 
"officially" under 400 pounds now!!!!!! 394 to be accurate. Got a referral today for PT
 office. Will start learning more exercises in the water that will not hurt me. And 
another biggie today. I walked up 5 steps today all by myself. No wheelchair!!! I have
 not dun that in almost 2 years now. Guess all the exercising in the pool for the last
 couple of months has been making good differences!!! Only good thing to come in the
 future!
Today was a good day.

6-11-08
I just need to concentrate on my vitamins and not do to much.THINGS ARE GOOD
 RIGHT NOW.  NO HOSPITALS IN SIGHT THIS WEEK ;O)

Well just saw the Dr. Down to 405 now WOHOOOO One more B12 shot as well. I am
 learning to love them!!!!! I see my Remutoligist tomorrow. All is good and well right now.
 Though;Had a bad time a few days ago. Was vomiting for like 3 hours every few minutes. Nothing came out. Was not fun and would not stop no madder what I tried. I did not eat anything new. I think it was from a late night swim I had and got pretty cold in the water. Could not figure out why I got cold since it was a warm night and the
 pool was heated. But what is just is. I just learned not to swim at night ;o)

6-8-08
I am still kicking. Have not been able to weight myself since my last posted weight.
 This Wed I will go to the surgeons office for my monthly checkup and B12 shot. I 
know I am loosing weight things are starting to get real different with my body. I am
 very curious on how much right now. I think I am still having a problem with my
 kidneys. And these vitamins are sooo many it is real hard to get all of them down in
 one day. I am getting in all my water every day though. It is kinda a habit now. I
 have more energy anymore than I have had in many years. I am still limited on many
 things due to other medical Issues I have. Of those I see my Rumotoligist this
 Thursday. Not sure what her response is going to b yet.

5-28-08
Well I am 5 weeks and 2 days post op and finally feeling back to normal. I was
 admitted to the hospital almost 2 weeks ago for 3 days. They had to stabilize 
several things and take me off most of my meds. They said the meds were over dosing
me because I have lost so much weight I did not need them anymore. GOOD THINGS!!!!
 Less meds!!! And sooo glad I am feeling better. For a bit there I was not sure if I 
was going to so south. It was pretty scary. I am now working out in the pool where I 
live daily.  I have more energy now than I can remember in the last several years. I 
am still real careful not to push myself to hard. I still have other medical problems that
 can hurt me real fast as well. But I am doing better right now than I though I would
 be. I even got out of my wheel chair and was able to walk across my living room for
 the first time in almost a year!!!! It has been a HARD thing this surgery to recover 
from and learn to live with but I would most definitely make the decision to do it again. 
I will start PT at the physical Therapists office in 2 weeks. He will give me more things
 to do when I work out in the pool. Not sure what my weight lose is right now because 
I do not have access to a scale that will work for me. The one I have at home I need 
to be under 350 for it to work. Real soon I hope. I also have been learning that my 
"new" stomach has a will and brain all it's own and very separate from anything it usto
 resemble. I am looking for a name for it. Nothing has stuck so far. As I introduce 
food to it again "it" tells me what it will and will not accept. I have learned one of the
 things I "usto" love it will most definitely WILL NOT accept under no uncertain terms.
 I am going to sooo miss sea food especially shrimp. "IT" has made it very clear that it
 is an un acceptable food. Among many others.   I know I am all over the board on this
 post. Many things going on right now. Since I am feeling better now sooo many things 
are coming fast and happening fast. I will post when I am a bit more focused. Kathy 

5-22-08
Doing allot better today!!!!. Saw my GP yesterday and had some labs taken. Hopefully
 will get a call tomorrow with the results. I am feeling better right now than I have 
since the surgery. Got the release from my GP to work out in the pool again. Today was
 a very good day. Spent it relaxing and cleaning house. Tomorrow I have to go out for a
 bit but not for to long. Eating is something I have to remember to do lately. Woke up 
at 8am this morning but did not even think to eat till almost noon. I am finding I do not 
get hungry much but I will feel weak if I do not eat. Still fighting every day to drink 
enough water as well. The Dr at the hospital wanted me to take in Gatorade for a week
 or so to keep my numbers up in my blood. Every time I go to take a drink of one I 
keep hearing in the back of my head "do not drink your calories"!!! If you took the same
 nutrition class I did you would know that it means and laugh. Anyway, overall I am 
doing allot better right now. Pain in the tummy is all but gone. A buss ride irritates it
 but kills the tailbone. But no buss ride today thankfully!!!!!! Be well my Friends. Kathy


5-16-08
Well I am just having a wonderful week. Just got out of the hospital today. Was
 admitted 3 days ago. Ringing in my ears, blotches in my eyes, dizzy, vomiting and
 passing out here and there for a bit now is not a fun thing. Was in my plumologiest
 office for a checkup and almost passed out. Went directly downstairs to the er. They
 admitted me. My blood came out showing possible blood clots, elevated kidney function.
 low potassium and way lo blood pressure. They checked everywhere for clots and could 
not find one thankfully, got my potassium up and allot of fluids to get my kidney function
 back to normal. Still dizzy, ringing, bloches, BP is still to dam low  and vomiting but 
they released me. They alsso removed about 80% of the meds I was taking. Guess lost
 enough weight that I did not need them anymore ;o) I see my GP on Tuesday but if 
anything gets worse I am to go directly back to the er. This hospital stay went very
 well the nurses at Penrose were great in caring for me. Got home today and the second
 I laied in my own bed I feel asleep for 3 hours. It felt good to be in my own bed. I 
am now at 417 that is down something like 39 pounds in 3 1/2 weeks. I do not in any 
way regret having the surgery. I knew it was going to be a hard recovery for me and
 anything could happen. But in the long run it will save my life and extend it in the long
 term. I just need to baby my body. I feel real weird 3 trips on the buss and one 
Jacquie for 5 min is still too much for me to handle. It is killing me looking at the pool
 every day and not being able to get in it and exercises. Not exercising might give me a
 blood clot and exercising in it will give me an infection. I am kinda stuck between a rock
 and hard place right now. The exercises the PT is giving me to do in bed are obviously 
not enough. And I am sooo sick of spending all day every day in bed it is driving me 
nuts. But if I do anything I most definitely have a bad response from my body. I hope
 this vitamin B12 shot they gave me in the hospital will help with the energy level. But 
right now all I am suppose to do is just rest and do nothing. This is killing me. My head
 wants to be like I was before surgery and do what I did then but my body is telling 
me it will not let me so far. Yes, do not worry I am listening to my body. Guess it just
 needs some more sleep right now. I will do as much of that this weekend as I can and 
have my labs re checked on Tuesday. We will see what happens next. I will keep ya 
posted ;o)

5-9-08
Well it has been a hard week or at least soar one. I took the metro handy cap buss 2
 days ago (took my autistic son to a Dr apmt) and still recovering from that one. Not 
again for a long time!!!! Set me back a bit. It feels like someone put my tummy in a 
blender and just shook for hours. Never never again! I am healing better from the 
antibiotics. Still have one open wound but it is starting to look pretty good. CJ has 
been soooo AWESOME. She makes me feel very welcome even if I just need to have
 someone hear me and what is wrong. Her and Dr T are staying on top of everything
 and even a small concern is very much cared for. Still curled up in bed with a heating
 pad now. NEVER take the buss this close to post op!!!! ya gunna pay for it if ya do! 
Blenders are not fun things. My PT came over today. Went well and he has suce great
 ideas for streching I would have never though of. Still beeing careful do not worry.


5-6-08
Well I spent the night in the er on iv fluids and iv antibiotics. The tummy was not doing
 well. That was 2 days ago. I am doing allot better now and the incisions are healing 
real good now. Had PT at my home again today. He is really helping me find ways to 
exercise around my other medical problems. But my neck is killing me today after he 
left. Hazards of having 2 herniated disks was not his fault. I just need to be more 
careful. I can get injured real easy. I can not exercise now for the next day or two till
 the neck is better. That can go south real fast if I am not careful.  The good news is
 I am down 31 pounds in 2 1/2 weeks. WOWO is all I got to say. Eating is still a hard
 thing and I have to really watch I take in enough water properly. I am ranging loosing
 2 pounds a day since surgery. I hope it stays that way for a while. I relay need to 
loose allot. Talk soon. K

5-3-08
11 days post op. Dr T released me to get in the pool and Jacuzzi  3 days ago. 
Yesterday I went in the Jacuzzi. After about 5 min one of my incisions started oozing
 puss. Immediately got out and called Dr T's office and talked to CJ. She called back
 and they put me on antibiotics as a precaution. No more water for me for a bit again.
 That 5 min felt sooo good. But I need to be careful of the incision. Today when I 
changed the bandage the  incision has opened up. Does not look very good but then it is
 not horribly bad either. I will give till Monday for the antibiotics to work. If it gets 
any worse or is not better by Monday I will call Dr T's office again.  My first trip out
 after my surgery was 3 days ago when I went to go see Dr T. It took everything I 
had out of me by the time I got home I was just exhausted. Slept till yesterday when
 I had to go to the grocery store and get a few things for my son.  A little over and 
hour there and I was sooo exhausted by the time I got home I slept till 9am this 
morning. Anyway, I "feel" fine. Just get tired easy is all. Eating is hard as hell or
 should I say the lack of eating. I am down 23 pounds since surgery as of 3 days ago!!!!!
 wohooooo!!!!!


4-30-08
 Well it is 8 days post op and they say I am not suppose to be feeling hunger but I
 am. I drink my 8 oz of milk in 2 oz increments, 3 times a day with the protean shake
 stuff in it. I take my children's vitamins, I drink my water like I am suppose to but 
have found my stomach aching for a more. No not my head, it is physical my stomach. 
So what i have done is take a can of hearty tomato soup and strain everything but the
 juice out. I take 2 oz of the juice. Drink 1 1/2 of water with eating 1/2 oz of the 
soup. That has seemed to help allot. Not sure if I am suppose to but I will see my 
surgeon tomorrow and ask him what am I to do and if it was OK.


4-28-08  Well first of all WOOOOHHOOOO it is over and all done. I truly did not
 know how this was going to come out. Second an INCREDIBLE THANK YOU to Dr 
Tillquist!!!!! You did an awesome job on my surgery. The only good part of this experience
 was your ability's and care of me. To be direct there was a pretty horrible experience
 in the hospital by the nursing staff but that is not reflective at all on Dr Tillquiest. 
The hospital issues will be dealt with in other ways but had nothing to do with him.  I
 am now 7 days post opp and healing incredibly well. Everything is exactly what I
 expected from the procedure. I am feeling a little lonely for my "food" but I was
 expecting that as well and that is a mental issue I have to grow through. That will
 take time and allot of agony on my part. But the hardest part is over. Yes the
 anesthesia was the worst part but the anesthesiologist talked me through everything
 the night before and the A, B and C if there were complications after surgery. She
 "the anesthesiologist" did great. I got in the operating room and was starting to really
 get nervous. Then the next thing I knew I was being woken up and it was all over. 
With no tube in my throat to boot. Dr T has let me have a little extra help at home
 for a week  or so to get me back to my usual (insurance is paying for).  With all my
 other medical issues if I go to fast I could really hurt myself. This will end pretty
 much at the end of this week. Though the Physical Therapist wants it to continue and
 extra week or two so I can get more working knowledge to help build up my muscles in
 my legs and not hurt myself as I loose weight. I want out of this dam wheelchair as
 soon as I can. Dr T will hopefully release me at the end of this week to get back in
 the pool and hot tub so I can start working out in there as well. I have had a work out
 regiment in there myself for a very long time now. The Physical Therapist wants to
 teach me a bit more I can do safely in the water after I can get in it. Yes, as
 everyone can tell I am excited  and want to start now. I know pace myself. My almost
 5 year track to get this surgery is over. I am sure everyone before me has felt
 exactly what I do right now and everyone after me will as well. It is just incredible for
 "me" to be able to see an end to this weight and a future for me now!!! I thank Dr
 Tillquist for this and you not being like other gastric surgeons that would not touch
 someone with a BMI over %50. I recommend him to anyone and everyone!!!! You are in
 safe and very capable hands.  Best wishes to all that read this, Kathleen Screen


4-25-04
Surgery went well. Got home from the hospitol earlier today. The hospitol nurses were
 horrible and I am soooo glad to be home. THe surgon and surgery was exceloent so I
 guess that is all that truley madders. Will post more when I am up to it a bit more.


4-21-08
Well it is the morning of!!!! 3 more hours to go. Talked to the anesthesiologist last night
 she was very nice and knowledgeable.Set me a little at ease. She is most definitely
 going to give me something to calm me down. Last night Lori and I had a nice evening
 together talking and just plain old gabbing like kids on a sleepover. It was comforting.I
 am still doing all I can NOT to think about the surgery still if that is possible. I only
 have a few min then I got to run because we are heading to the hospital.Pray for me.
 This is going to be a rough road. 


4-19-08
I go to Denver tomorrow afternoon with a friend of mine (Lori). We are staying in a
 hotel next to the hospital so we do not have to get up at 3am to drive to the hospital
 on Monday morning. I will also get that time and space to re focus on the surgery.
 Several of my friends wanted to get together at the hotel to have a "Lady's night"
 gabbing but Lori said she did not want to and wants to sleep not visit with people so
 that will not happen now. She will sleep in my hotel room while I probably will not get a
 wink of sleep and either real quiet in the room or wandering the hallways till the
 morning by myself. She says I can visit with my friends in the hotel bar if I really
 wanted to. But she needs her sleep. I drop my autistic son off tomorrow at 11am with
 his respite care provider I use. Today I am packing for him and me. Trying to keep
 busy and not think about Monday. So far it is kinda working. On fluids still, jello and
 drinks are my friend!! Not sure what to say right now because I have sooo many things
 going through my head I will probably just babble again and make no sense ;o)  


4-16-08
Well that last thing left to do and pass has been completed!!! The pre op testing and
 questions are all over. All ready pre warned the surgeon my Iron, sed rate and anemia
 will be off on the labs. Have been for a long time now  for other medical reasons. I am
 scheduled for the 21st that is in 5 more days!!!!! I am still waiting for the "left" foot
 to drop. I probably will not believe this is real till I get to the hospital that morning.
 Everything is all set. Nothing left to "get done" ....son is all taken care of, will is
 complete, house is spotless and organized, hotel taken care of, transportation to and
 from the hospital done,  all the vitamins-baby food- drinks- applesauce-jello- basically
 all the necessities are bought and just waiting for my return,  CNA for the first
  week at home is about the only thing left to do. All my lists are done. Though I have
 a crap load of them for after the surgery on what I am suppose to do when I get
 home and the proceeding few weeks. I have organized all those on my lap top nice and
 neat. NO I am not an obsessive neat freak. I just forget more things than I can
 remember sometimes so writing it down helps allot. I always have tooo many things to
 do. And yes I am babbling yet again trying to think of anything but what is to come.
 My pulmonogist can not attend the surgery. And as soon as I am un conscious the
 friend that is coming to the hospital is leaving. No one will be there for me if I am
 ok or if something bad happens. I have no family that cares to speak of. Last time I
 was in ICU on a respirator and in a comma almost died they did not care enough to
 even come see if I was ok. You really think they will come for an elective surgery
 NOT. It is just going to be me again by myself. But then no one got me here to this
 point in my life but me. And it will take me to get me out of it. I just hope my autistic
 son will not have a melt down while I am in the hospital. He has only had 2 in the last
 year and been over 7 months since the last one. He is with respite care I trust and I
 know she understands him. But she has never been through one of his meltdowns. He
 only has them when I am sick anymore. I have done all I can to prepare him for this. 
All I can do now is pray for him to be ok while I am in the hospital. There is nothing
 more I can do.  If I do not do this surgery he will loose me permanently allot sooner
 than he is ready to comprehend and then he will really be lost in this world in a
 permanent way. I need  to live long enough in this world to give him enough time to
 learn and be able to function in society without me. He is far from that yet. His life
 would be lost if I died. There is very serious of permanent life long institulatizon if
 something happens to me.   Well babbling over. My head is in soo many directions I can
 not even focus them. I just do not want to think about the "left" foot or anesthesia so
 I am trying to keep distracted. Worst part is I have nothing left to do for the next 5
 days !!!!!!  I will try and post the night before. If I can get Internet access that is.
 Now that is going to be one interesting post I think!!!!   Kathy

4-10-08
Well it is almost time. 11 more days till surgery!!! Not sure what I am feeling right now
 because it is going sooo many different ways but it is very hard to sleep at night
 because of over thinking everything. I have a couple friends that will visit me in the
 hospital so I will at least not be alone. Now I just have to get through that morning
 before they put me out. That anxiety is about killing me right now. That morning it is
 gunna be impossible. I saw my pulmonologist yesterday for a routine thing. I asked him
 if he could attend the surgery. He said he does not have privileges at that hospital in
 Denver. I asked if he could attend as a friend and be in the or if anything for just my
 peace of mind since he knows my lungs so well. He said he will call the surgeon and talk
 to him. Have no idea what is going to happen but my pulmonologist knows how scared I
 am of the anesthesia. He was the one they called in when that old anesthesiologist
 almost killed me. He has cared for my lungs ever since. I completely trust him and if
 he is able to be in the or room I would feel soooo much more comfortable about
 everything. I could release those fears to him and my trust of him. He got me through
 it last time and knows what to do for me. I am not saying there is any problems with
 anyone at the new hospital. I just know him and have not spoken or met the
 anesthesiologist that is going to care for me. I do not even know his name. He
 probably will not even know my name till the morning of surgery. Anyway, I am
 babbling I will stop.  

I see my surgeon on the 15th for the 2 hour pre op and the 2
 hour hospital pre opp stuff. That is the last thing till the surgery left to do. I will tell
 my surgeon then how I am feeling again and to have something ready to calm me down
 when I get to the hospital. As well as ask how the conversation went. I keep thinking
 in the back of my head "what is going to happen next" to keep me from having the
 surgery . I have waited soooo long for this and something ALWAYS prevents it in some
 way or another. Guess the good news is that I have never gotten this close to it
 before. The "left" foot always falls for me. Just praying this time that it does not.  
Be well my friends I will update after my pre op, Kathy


3-27-08
Well the date is Finally here!!!!!!!! April 21st. ALLLL the waiting is over. I was
hoping for a sooner date but I can be pa cent a few more weeks. I have waited
four and a half years. I have allot to do anyway prior to the surgery. There are
a 100 things going through my head that needs to be done. I am planing on
going to Denver at least one if not 2 days early. A nice hotel for me by myself to
help me get focused and my head wrapped around the surgery. Anesthesia is
still a bad subject for me. I have an autistic son I will have settled in with
professionally licensed respite care that I have used for over a year now, before I leave. That day or 2 in the hotel will give me a chance to re focus
on me and not always caring for him. I have plenty of support for him
scheduled after I get home from surgery till I recover. I am so anxious for the
surgery now. All the waiting and appointments are over. I am almost there.


3-22-08
Well I have all my clearances finished. On Monday I will get my surgery date. I am
hoping for April 11th. That date will work real well for my family and what is going on
in my life. I am sooo excited and happy this is really going to happen. I have waited
sooo long. But again my only worry is the anesthesia. I could barley sleep last night
thinking of what would happen if I stop breathing again. I am 100% sure of the surgery
and not scared at all about recovery or even a surgical complication.  I have had a total
of 9 surgeries in my life. But I am just scared witless about not breathing. It kinda
feels like being underwater and you can not inhale at all. Not even the water. You are
consciousness know you are drowning but can do nothing to stop it.  Not even move. I
know what happened in my last surgery was not my fault but an error by the
anesthesiologist. But those little flashbacks of the little memory of it are a killer. I
know I should just think of it as I have had 8 out of 9 surgeries with no problems. But
no madder how it happened, not breathing is not a fun thing to remember.  I am very
sure I am gunna need something to calm me down when I am there. My surgeon has
already said they will take several precautions.. including extra time for my body to
recover from the anesthesia medicine on the ventilator.They will make very sure I am
conscious and breathing on my own  before extabate. And up to 2 days in ICU while
they monitor my breathing and sure everything is OK. Most likely one but two if there
is even a hint or a problem. I am soo glad my surgeon is too careful.  My puomoligist
has also given a few suggestions that he will do. I never want to be this big again.   I
have no one but me to blame for what I am. And it will take me to get me to resemble
something normal again. As well as a little help from a very good surgeon. Fear and
 flashbacks or not,  The only one that can get me healthy is me. I accept who I am,
what I am and what I have done to my body. I am so ashamed of myself I have
withdrawn from all my friends and will not even see them anymore. All but Lori that is.
She loves and cares for me for who I am. She sees me for me. There is not a day that
goes by we do not talk.  She is an RN and knows how to see people. But she is more to
me then my family I have and not seen in over 5 years. When I was in ICU and almost
died after my last surgery they could not even spend the time to come to the hospital
much less call or even send flowers.  I know several of my other friends would be like
Lori with me  but I guess I am to ashamed of myself to give them that chance. I am
soo looking forward to going out with them again. Very soon I will be. I just need to get
through the anesthesia!!!!!   My best friend Lori is already buying me new cloths at the
thrift stores for when I loose weight. Makes no sense to buy new stuff when I will be
out of them so fast. She even went through her old stuff and gave me some very nice
things. One in particular was gorgeous. I have it hanging in my bedroom for incentive.
Soon Lori and I can go shopping together. My wheelchair right now is not to conducive to
going from store to store when you do not have a lift for it. I can not wait till Lori and
I can get all dressed up and go to a club again. The funny  thing is we met (her and 
 her husband) at a club 8 or 9  years ago. When I usto go out, there was scheduled
places and times that my friends and I all got together at clubs. I do not go to the
clubs to meet strangers. I usually went with a date when I went.  But then back then
I was working 50 or 60 hours a week and raising 2 disabled kids by myself. getting up
for work at 3am was a killer. You know the old saying work hard play hard. I  had a
PHD in that back then. Well I do not  work anymore nor do I play anymore. As well as
my kids are raised. All that stress is gone now  and it is time to work on me. My
disability's withstanding. I can not use them as an excuse to continue gaining weight. Or
to stay as I am now. Just the eyes in children when I go out now is just killing me. Not
 including all the health problems I am having from being this heave or the ones I will
be getting quiet soon because of it.   Well enough with the babbling. I am waiting till
Monday to get my surgery date. I will keep ya posted.

3-7-08
Well I have posted a couple times now. Not much luck or fun so far. Well today I got
the good news!! The surgeon IS going to do my bypass!!! I need only a chest x ray to do
the go ahead. I know it will come out just fine. I have yet to have any heart problems.
He (the surgeon) has over 1,000 bypasses under his belt and the heaviest person he
has ever done was almost 800 pounds. I am a little over 400. We also discussed it I
will get the traditional bypass not the band. I was not sure because of my Celiac
Disease. Hopefully before the month is over it will be completed. I will post again when
I have a date. I am sooo nervous because of the anesthesia. I posted earlier about the
horrible mistake the anaesthesiologist made when my gallbladder was taken out a year
ago. He almost killed me. I expressed my fears to this surgeon. I asked if he could
have something ready when I get to the hospital to calm me down. I still have real bad
flashbacks from that anesthesiologist almost killing me.
Anyway, I am just VERY excited I can not waite!!!!!!! The 4 1/2 year waite for this is
almost over!!!

2-22-08
I posted a very long post, not to long ago of my very long 4 year fight to get the
bypass. I have my pre op in 2 weeks.  The 7th of March. I am very excited. It has
 been a long road. I have no doubts about doing this. Today I read from others here
how scared they are for the procedure. I know exactly what you are going through
and I will be a total mess the day of my surgery. Not long ago when they took my
gallbladder out the Aanesthesiologist almost killed me.  My pulmonologist has given
me a full bill of health for the bypass surgery. What happened before was due to the
Anesthesiologist error not a reaction from me. I am going to be a mess when they
roll me into the operating room. But I also know I have to have the bypass. It is
either the bypass or dying from a heart attack soon. I am 41 and still healthy enough
for the procedure right now. I do not know if I can say that a year from now. So it is
now or never. That still will not help when I am scared beyond words when I feel
that mask going on my face and thinking about what happened last time. I have a
fragmented memory from it. My Pulmonologist will make sure everything goes ok
during the surgery. It still does not help the fear though.

I am wondering if they can give me something before I get into the hospital the day
of surgery. 


1-08
I have been trying for over 4 and half years now to get a gastric bypass. I have taken
the classes twice here locally in Colorado Springs. 1st time the Inc said I needed a
current diet for 6 months. They said the one that I just ended 2 months ago with my
Dr monitoring did not count. Even though it lasted over 9 months. They said the diet
had to start AFTER the request for the bypass not before. My Dr (PCP) said let him
fight the Inc and told me to wait. I kept calling the PCP over and over. After 8 months
I changed Inc companies and PCP. Then went again to the class. Waited for months to
get into the surgeons office. Then he said that he needs yet again the diet so I
agreed. Went to a nutritionist twice a week for 7 months as well as my NEW PCP every
3 weeks. I get sick real easy so he (new PCP) took very good care of me. I lost close
to 100 pounds and was soo proud of myself. But in knowing me as well, I also knew that
 I could not stay on the diet much longer. It took all I had to just get to this point and
timeline the surgeon gave me. I made a new appointment with the same surgeon and saw
him. He told me he will not do the bypass for another 6 to 8 months. Because I was
diagnosed with Celiac Disease and I can only receive a gastric band because of this. I
was heartbroken. I left the office and just cried. I spent the last almost year daily
planning and working for the bypass and was yet again shot down and felt very betrayed
by the surgeon and his promises (again). He said that he will not be starting to do
bands for another 6 months. I went back 6 months later and he told me yet again to
wait another 6 months because I had a body mass index a little larger than 40% at
that time.  I now wait another 6 months and have gained back most the weight I had
lost. The year before.  I have every co morbidity index there is. I now wait again
because he told me again in 6 months he would do it. I yet again go back and was just
told last week that he completely refuses to do the bypass at all. That my BMI was
larger now than he would ever attempt a bypass on. Now he sends me to a DR 60 miles
away that does not take my Inc. Now I was referred to another DR. that does take
my Inc. I have an appointment in 2 months. Yes 2 more months of waiting. And scared
out of my pants now that I am just seeking ANYONE that will do it and not necessarily
WHO they are and the exp they have. The surgery itself is scary enough. Trust is in
short supply now as well. I have been to 2 classes and been the only one in both that
was 100% sure she wanted the surgery and could not get it. Not for lack of me not
following the diet rules or the rules period. And not for mental reasons, Every Dr that
currently cares for me  will sign off in that area for  me.  I now have all the co
 morbidity as well as a few others. As well as herniated disks, ALOT of continues pain
and pain killers. I need 2 knee replacements, 2 disks fused as well as a few more things
but no surgeon will touch me until I lose weight. I have been almost completely bed
ridden from the pain for 2 years now. My BMI is 81%. I was 42% 4 years ago. I am
sitting here crying while I am typing this. Not sure why I am every typing this. I have
not really discussed this with anyone but my best friend/therapist. No she is not a
certified one but she is an RN and the only person in this world I consider my family. If
you knew me you would know I am a very strong person but something just urged me to
write this when I found this web site today.

I now sit here in hopes on yet another "only” 2 month wait for yet another appointment.
I can walk but minimally. I have an electric wheelchair I use to get around. I still take
care of myself by myself. But I also know very soon I will not be able to do ether.

Well it is 8 days post op and they say I am not suppose to be feeling hunger but I am.
I drink my 8 oz of milk in 2 oz increments, 3 times a day with the protean shake stuff
in it. I take my children's vitamins, I drink my water like I am suppose to but have
found my stomach aching for a more. No not my head, it is physical my stomach. So
what i have done is take a can of hearty tomato soup and strain everything but the
juice out. I take 2 oz of the juice. Drink 1 1/2 of water with eating 1/2 oz of the
soup. That has seemed to help allot. Not sure if I am suppose to but I will see my
surgeon tomorrow and ask him what am I to do and if it was OK.

1-7-08
Well I have posted a couple times now. Not much luck or fun so far. Well today I got the good news!! The surgeon IS going to do my bypass!!! I need only a chest x ray to do the go ahead. I know it will come out just fine. I have yet to have any heart problems. He (the surgeon) has over 1,000 bypasses under his belt and the heaviest person he has ever done was almost 800 pounds. I am a little over 400. We also discussed it I will get the traditional bypass not the band. I was not sure because of my Celiac Disease. Hopefully before the month is over it will be completed. I will post again when I have a date. I am sooo nervous because of the anesthesia. I posted earlier about the horrible mistake the anaesthesiologist made when my gallbladder was taken out a year ago. He almost killed me. I expressed my fears to this surgeon. I asked if he could have something ready when I get to the hospital to calm me down. I still have real bad flashbacks from that anesthesiologist almost killing me. Anyway, I am just VERY excited I can not waite!!!!!!! The 4 1/2 year waite for this is almost over!!!

1-4-08
I have been trying for over 4 and half years now to get a gastric bypass. I have taken the classes twice here locally in Colorado Springs. 1st time the Inc said I needed a current diet for 6 months. They said the one that I just ended 2 months ago with my Dr monitoring did not count. Even though it lasted over 9 months. They said the diet had to start AFTER the request for the bypass not before. My Dr (PCP) said let him fight the Inc and told me to wait. I kept calling the PCP over and over. After 8 months I changed Inc companies and PCP. Then went again to the class. Waited for months to get into the surgeons office. Then he said that he needs yet again the diet so I agreed. Went to a nutritionist twice a week for 7 months as well as my NEW PCP every 3 weeks. I get sick real easy so he (new PCP) took very good care of me. I lost close to 100 pounds and was soo proud of myself. But in knowing me as well, I also knew that I could not stay on the diet much longer. It took all I had to just get to this point and timeline the surgeon gave me. I made a new appointment with the same surgeon and saw him. He told me he will not do the bypass for another 6 to 8 months. Because I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease and I can only receive a gastric band because of this. I was heartbroken. I left the office and just cried. I spent the last almost year daily planning and working for the bypass and was yet again shot down and felt very betrayed by the surgeon and his promises (again). He said that he will not be starting to do bands for another 6 months. I went back 6 months later and he told me yet again to wait another 6 months because I had a body mass index a little larger than 40% at that time.  I now wait another 6 months and have gained back most the weight I had lost. The year before. I have every co morbidity index there is. I now wait again because he told me again in 6 months he would do it. I yet again go back and was just told last week that he completely refuses to do the bypass at all. That my BMI was larger now than he would ever attempt a bypass on. Now he sends me to a DR 60 miles away that does not take my Inc. Now I was referred to another DR. that does take my Inc. I have an appointment in 2 months. Yes 2 more months of waiting. And scared out of my pants now that I am just seeking ANYONE that will do it and not necessarily WHO they are and the exp they have. The surgery itself is scary enough. Trust is in short supply now as well. I have been to 2 classes and been the only one in both that was 100% sure she wanted the surgery and could not get it. Not for lack of me not following the diet rules or the rules period. And not for mental reasons, Every Dr that currently cares for mewill sign off in that area for me. I now have all the co morbidity as well as a few others. As well as herniated disks, ALOT of continues pain and pain killers. I need 2 knee replacements, 2 disks fused as well as a few more things but no surgeon will touch me until I lose weight. I have been almost completely bed ridden from the pain for 2 years now. My BMI is 81%. I was 42% 4 years ago. I am sitting here crying while I am typing this. Not sure why I am every typing this. I have not really discussed this with anyone but my best friend/therapist. No she is not a certified one but she is an RN and the only person in this world I consider my family. If you knew me you would know I am a very strong person but something just urged me to write this when I found this web site today.I now sit here in hopes on yet another "only” 2 month wait for yet another appointment. I can walk but minimally. I have an electric wheelchair I use to get around. I still take care of myself by myself. But I also know very soon I will not be able to do ether. Kathy