Randomness

Jan 31, 2010

Morning!
 
I thought I'd throw out a bit of trivial blabbering.  I saw a show called the X-Factor.  It was about a young woman on a weight loss journey.  She wasn't having WLS, just changing her lifestyle & way of eating.  Anyway, through the process she discovered her hubby was sabotaging her attempts.  He would order pizza & leave it out on the counter for her to discover or leave sugary snacks about the house for her to find.  He admitted to doing this because he felt comfortable with the way things were.  It was familiar to him.  He would rather have her stay the way she was than to change the routines that they had adhered to for the bulk of their marriage.  That made me stop and think.

My hubby has made several comments on how he loves me just the way I am.  It doesn't matter to him how huge I am in his eyes because he loves me just the way I am.  He's scared. I'm scared.  We have become so accustomed to our sedentary life style that it kind of feels like we are facing a death.  He has warmed up to at least eating healthier & taking walks with me but, I still see it in his eyes.  My niece after having her WLS has him (and myself) worried about certain things.  Things like turning into a party Patty, forgetting my morals, etc. 

Then, knowing my own demons, I know that I am addicted to food.  I use food for all my emotions.  Happy, sad, glad or mad, I eat.  I also know that usually an addict will find a way to manifest one addiction for another.  This has me worried.  I don't want to "trade off" one addiction for another.  I am fine with gaining confidence in myself but not to the point that I decide I want to spend my life in the club scene and become like my niece, a hoochie mama!  I asked her what changed in her so much that she went from one extreme to another and she said that she had always been this person but she just didn't have the confidence to act on it until after her WLS.  Even my hubby's Aunt hit the bars after her WLS.  She was a holy roller before, then, wham!  I couldn't believe it! 

So, I intend on making sure to focus on positive things to get addicted to.  The most selfish thing I want is to be able to fit into a pair of Levi's or Wrangler's with ease.  I don't want to be the next Miss America, I want to be able to get on my horse and not worry about hurting her or fixating on how to fall so I don't burst my liver or spleen...LOL!  I know, that could happen no matter how much you weigh, but still, when you weigh as much as I do, that kind of becomes a fixation...ha-ha! 

OK...enough randomness!  Have a great day gang!

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