Progress

May 19, 2011

So I'm currently around 117lbs down after about a year a four months. It's pretty surreal, I look back on pictures now and can't believe I was ever as big as I was. It always makes me laugh when people will comment on my weight with things like, 'Oh, I can see how you stay thin' or even things like 'You wouldn't understand you've never been this overweight.' PLEASE. Haha. People that I meet for the first time now are always completely floored when I show them old pictures. Oddly enough though, I still don't see a huge difference in myself, my body imaging definitely needs some correction. The other day I think I truly saw myself for what my size actually is now and it made me actually pause and stare at the mirror like I expected the image to get larger before my eyes, but no it stayed the same. I'm fit into a size 10 a few days ago. I don't think I can ever remember a time when I was a size 10, even when I was in middle school or elementary school. 
It scares me a lot that I'm able to eat more now. I feel like I eat way better than I used to but I count every single calorie and feel so guilty if I 'indulge' in a small pastry at work or eat a bite-size piece of candy. It's become a bit of an obsession because it seems that while it's so hard to get rid of weight now, it's so EASY to put it back on. I also don't know if I'll ever be comfortable with my weight, or if I'll just want to continually keep pushing myself to see how far I can actually get down. Does anyone else ever feel like there isn't really a point where you'll just be satisfied with your weight and body? Maybe it's just my emotions flying. lol

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