Going crazy slowly

Aug 14, 2011

This is just a little off subject, but not too far.  A couple of years ago I had to have a hystorectomy.  I had polycystic ovarian disease and had already had to have an ovary removed and had a close call with uterine cancer.  I had pre-cancerous cells on my uterus.  Well, I came off the meds for the polycystic ovarian disease, because my husband and I had not had any children.  Instead of a pregnancy, I ended up with cysts on my one remaining ovary.  It was the doctors recommendation because of the presence of cancer in the last operation to do a full hystorectomy.  My husband and I now cannot have any children of our own.

SO . . .  my disgustingly perfect sister in law is pregnant.  I am just sick about it.  The relationship with my husbands brother and sister in law is complicated at best.  I cannot make myself be happy for them.  I feel like their perfection and happiness is being shoved down my throat.  This is truly making me crazy.

I feel like I failed at the most basic part of being female.  I am now being compared with my thin, blonde, perfect sister in law. AHHHHH!!!!!!

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