It's Snowing, and I feel all Touchy Feely...

Mar 11, 2012

Yeah, it is snowing, but not sticking, but enjoyable just the same.  My being in the house for a week and a half is growing old - just making trips to the mailbox is boring, I am looking forward to seeing my plastic surgeon on Wednesday ;)

The pain hasn't been bad, and I am happily taking Tylenol every six hours to make sure the pain & swelling stay manageable.  I did get a little squirrely the other day, and vacuumed ;)  Okay, I was caught, who says men do not notice when we clean?!  Upon further reflection, I took my chewing out to heart, I want this incision to stay happily together - so no more secretive house cleaning sessions... 

My intake of protein has been no issue -- Thank You CHIKE!!!  I love their meal replacement shakes, and boy does it make mathematical sense, as I have been spending most of my awake time sitting - or laying - on my butt, sigh.  Keeping my calories down is harder than I thought, I just have TOO MUCH time on my hands... sigh.  As I preach about taking supplements, I am making triple sure to get all my nutrients in - especially IRON (rebuilding platelets is crucial) and all those lovely vitamins that support skin -- I want to heal STRONG!  It is funny, I even make a vitamin drink that has Miralax in it -- for the OTHER issue you need to consider while taking narcotics (I am still taking Oxycodone for the pain, but not as much as the first week).  Believe it or not, I think the doubled iron may also be helping in THAT area, but I could be talking out my... ear ;)  For some folks, if you get just enough iron, you can be stopped up, just a little extra, the complete opposite - color me green with happiness (ewww)!

My energy has been great, as I suggested about vacuuming two floors of my house... I started to reorganize both of my pantries, to which I received a talking to (thank you Jeff, you often are my Jimny Cricket!!!).  I hate to blame it on the Oxycodone, but it really is the reason I get all motivated.  No pain, and it wires me a little, go figure, I am opposite girl!  The added iron is also a BIG contributor to the energy -- after losing 19 pounds of flesh that contained a decent amount of blood, I need to get my body building it's supply up, and quick.  I was glad that I had a blood test less than a month before my reconstructive surgery, as I had a LOVELY if not well informed conversation with my Anesthesia Doc, "Are you in the Healthcare Field?!"  Lord, I do NOT feed my ego, but THANKS for the high complement!  Yup, I actually LOVE reading my results, I am such an information junkie... FEED MY MIND, oh, and my body ;)

I just had someone write me about one of the swimsuits I have up for grabs -- FOLKS!!! If you have a private profile, I cannot send you a message, PLEASE send me a private message, or "Friend" me... I am able to get swimsuits out, and ha ha, I can also make it to my mailbox -- so if you have some to donate, please private message me.

I tried on jeans the other day.  I haven't tried any that I haven't fit into before the panniculectomy, as I still have to deal with my Laura Croft Style Drainage Bulbs (I feel so heroic with my hand grenade drainage bulbs... NOT!), so I went with a pair I was wearing the day before surgery.  Here is my impression: Hmmm, they are loose in all the right places, FLAT front, that's new! But, sigh, they still don't seem HUGE, yet...  Hey, I am entitled to whine, if just a little bit, right?  It's only a number, and when I am less swollen, more active, I will happily donate those NON-stretch "Mom" jeans... I like Mom Jeans, they are high torso fitting, snug in all the right places!  I did make an observation that tickled me, I won't have to hide my FUP under LONG tops!!!  I only have loose inner thighs to deal with, when choosing a swimsuit with or without skirt!  That, is what makes me SMILE!

Okay, for those of you who do not know the difference between an Panniculectomy (what I just had done) and an Abdominoplasty, it is all about the muscles.  I still have probably 100+ pounds to lose, before I can qualify for a abdominoplasty, as I want to have as much loose skin hanging as possible when the surgeon goes in to tighten the muscles up!  Having had a huge chunk of flesh -- i.e. skin & fat - no muscle -- cut off has done my body & my head an amazing service!!!  My self esteem has never been in the toilet too long, but now - holy cow, I feel like laughing when I realize I have a LAP, not a gut to balance my laptop on ;)  I won't have to make sure my seat belt is securely UNDER my gut to protect me -- I have exposed hips -- holy cow!  For those of us who have been "Severely, Super, Morbidly Obese" (as if Morbidly didn't make us feel tragic already), to FINALLY see hip bones, it is a real WOW moment.  I am so motivated, I am happy to have received this gift!!!  I am so ready to plunge in, head first (swimming reference, ha ha), and lose the rest of this flesh suit that has left me a little isolated all these years.

Lots goes on in the head of someone making this journey.  Some are scared, some are overwhelmed, but staying in a positive mindset is the key - at least it has been for me.  Sure, I could have just hid behind all my fat, comfortably working in an anonymous job, but that isn't who lives inside this giant flesh suit.  I am a fun, outgoing, sometimes too loud, but always caring kind of person who should NOT be invisible because I used to weigh 474 pounds.  I laugh when I have people bump into me - I wear BRIGHT colors, I am LARGE, how could anyone NOT see me?!  It happened, a lot.  I find that as I have lost my size, more folks engage me at the Aquatic Center I have been going to for over two years, now.  Hell, I barely talked to ANYONE other then the reception folks who checked me in the first year and a half of going.  Now, I have folks cheering me on, encouraging me, and SEEING ME!  I am no longer invisible -- crap, I am tearing up.  Yes, this is an emotional journey, one I have not regret in the slightest.

Do I pull punches when I talk about losing the Fleshy Me?  I hope not.  I think it is interesting that hormones are released from our fat cells as we lose weight -- I think I have found I am a whole lot more vulnerable than I was before those damn hormones got released!  When I get choked up, it reminds me to say encouraging things to others - not just folks who are fat - as we all have vulnerabilities, it just isn't always as apparent.  So on that note - stay positive, and support your fellow human beings!!!  You just never know whose day you may effect in a positive way!!!

Brenda : )~

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