Lots of Thoughts, and I included my Surgical Bill...

Apr 24, 2012

Okay, so I want to start with my usual sigh & eye roll, so come on -- try it, it actually makes me feel better, and might make you feel good too!!  There is an old saying, "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger," well, here is my Brenda-ism on that one: What doesn't kill me, just pisses me off... Yes, I am a drama queen in my narrative, but it makes me smile from the inside out!  So many folks tell me they love how I just let things "roll off my back," to which, ask Jeff or my daughter Kate, they will set you straight!  I LOVE to complain about things I cannot change, maybe that is why I do not (or ever had) high blood pressure.  I mostly joke to relieve my frustration, and truth be told, I do not take my complaining seriously.

For anyone who hasn't followed my journey from the early days (way back in March of 2010), I have often spoken of my mother.  She died in 2004, and I postponed getting surgery because of her care and subsequent death. Anyhow, bear with me, I am getting to the point, I just take the scenic route.  My mother used to be a very happy and positive person, until something just broke in her.  Seriously, she was miserable at least the last 20 years of her life, to the point that she was actually happy to get the diagnosis of Stage 4 cancer.  Having been born on her birthday, I like the parts of my personality that I received from her -- I luckily have a pretty decent mix of my father's as well, but my mom was funnier.  Knowing she was miserable, I just worked that much harder on never letting things bring me to a point I needed to just hide.  When she passed, it took me a long time to get over it, but it made me a little stronger in that I refuse to have a bad day.  Yup, I happily tell strangers, "A bad day alive is better than a good day dead!"  Another Brenda-ism:  If you cannot laugh (enjoy life), don't bother getting out of bed!  Laughter is what keeps me going, and it is great for the cardiovascular system!  Heart Healthy Laughter, hmmmm, I think I just came up with yet another Brenda-ism.  Staying positive does take effort, but hey, aren't YOU worth it?

Set backs happen, so does doo doo, so if you let it get to you, you won't be interested in seeing how this whole thing ends.  My mom said she had two regrets about dying.  TWO?!  ONLY TWO?!  For me, I try to aim to have zero regrets.  It really is in how you view things.  I wasn't paying attention to the light turning green > Kept me from getting plowed into by the red light runner.  I only lost one pound > If I just lose one pound a week, that adds up to 52 in a year.  My ex was cheating on me > Woke up to the fact that I could do better than that person.  I lost my job > I am forced to re-evaluate my life, and frankly, I need a vacation!  None of my underwear fits me > NONE of my underwear fits me - I get to find some cute ones!  Just how you look at anything can make you find a giggle, and trust me, folks will enjoy being around you more.  

Oh hey, and here is some really cool information -- I just got my bills from my surgery, my out of pocket is LESS than I imagined!  Sure, paying a hospital bill sucks, but frankly, for what I received, it would be worth the entire bill.  Here is the breakdown...

The surgeon's costs:  Panniculectomy  $4000; Cooter-ectomy (fat removal from the mons pubis) $1126
What insurance paid:  $999.36; $314.07
My charges: $249.84; $78.52

The Anesthesia: Panniculectomy $1720; Dermatolipectomy (cooter-ectomy) $1720
What insurance paid: $173.76; $173.76
My charges: $43.44; $43.44

SO, what they charged was: $8566
What insurance paid: $1660.95
My bill: $415.24

What I had expected and what I got were surprising to me. I knew my out of pocket maximum was $600, but dang!  What a bargain!  I am always interested in seeing what a hospital says your surgery/care costs, what they accepted as payment, and what you end up getting charged.  So, for those folks wanting to shop around, you have at least a little information to go on.  The Dermatolipectomy or as I like to call my Cooter-ectomy is a second, separate procedure - folks had asked about that, so now you know.  I have seen MANY panniculectomies, most without the dermatolipectomy, and frankly, it is TOTALLY worth the extra money.  Shoot, I have a bill of $415.24 > I have lost my Fup & gained a new Cooter!  See, it is in how you look at it.

Not that I mean to be a slacker, but I so darn behind on things relating to my OH portion of my life, yup, I do consider the support here as a very important part of my life.  Thanks to all who have commented & written, I am TRYING to respond to all of you.  I have to take photos of the latest added swimsuits, and I want Diane to know, your suit is ON IT'S WAY!  On the downside of my "light duty", I have gained five pounds, but turning it around, I only gained five pounds and it can also be connected to my period.  This also gives me the opportunity to say CHIKE is helping me take those five pounds & rid myself of them.  I am back to having one "meal," two meal replacements (iLikeChike dot com), and two small snacks (usually one Low Sodium V8 for one of those snacks).  I am getting really light stretching, walking, and light chores around the house to get my exercise in, and cannot wait until my seam heals.  Instead of being all correct, I take the liberty to refer to my open wound along my incision as a pop in my seam - go with it, or just stop reading.  Instead of being all bummed about being set back an additional couple of weeks, I just figure I will have more time to get my photos uploaded & sending out swimsuits.  

If you spend your waking moments obsessing on things you have no control over, you probably won't spend enough time changing them.  Sure, I could have sat at home, watching television when I was 474 pounds, but instead I spent my days being active and in the public eye.  Being that large I had to deal with being invisible, being a target, but I also was a role model to other fat folk afraid of doing things in public.  Surgery alone, even diet alone, will not help you attain the healthy weight you are striving for.  Exercise is a necessary part of existence.  Instead of looking at exercise as a painful part of the equation, try finding something you genuinely enjoy.  For me, I love to swim and bike.  I am hopeful that I will someday be able to run, as I really would dig doing a triathlon.  In the meantime, while I cannot swim or bike, I am working on core strengthening exercises.  Like I said, it's all in how you look at things.  It has taken me almost a year and a half, but I have already lost the equivalent to an adult in weight.  I know I have more to go, but I am still inspired that I can continue this and am staying motivated.  Motivation will sometimes be hard to muster, but if you look at the whole picture, you will find it easier to succeed.

Okay, I am ready to post this collection of my thoughts and go grab a bowl of soup.  I make most of my meals from scratch, so I know what goes into me!  Try it, you'll be surprised by how much easier it is to lose weight, and cheaper than eating out.  Stay positive, and know that if I can do this, so can YOU!

Brenda : )~

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