food for thought..

May 04, 2011

So this Sunday the family and I will be attending Disneyland for possibly the millionth time but on this particular day it is a meetup for the spooky kids aka "bats day" and I really hate the fact that this will be the 5th time I have gone to this event without being able to dress up a bit and feel ok about myself.. I feel like Ive wasted so much time avoiding everything and everyone but food. I am the biggest I have ever been right now and dread the thought of being stared at by old friends or. just. anyone. My profile pic is actually 30 pounds and 2 years ago. I have now resorted to my natural color and no makeup or piercings just because I hate being noticed and do not want attention being this size. There is so much to be gained with losing. I am hopeful that this will surely change once I drop at least 50 pounds and feel somewhat ok about wearing my nicer outfits.. I. cant. wait. to. feel. alive. again.

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