Day 17- FINALLY some alone time!

Aug 13, 2011

For the first time since my surgery I FINALLY got some alone time!  Right after surgery my mom was here for a week and the day after she left, I went back to work.  This morning, hubby got up and went out of town to a golf tournament with his brother and uncles.  I slept in until about 10:30 (of course I couldn't fall asleep last night so was up until 3) and got up with a bug up my butt to do some therapeutic cleaning.  And holy crap did I clean!  The dining room, which tends to be the "catch all room" for just about everything was a disaster and is now so clean you could eat off the floor!  The kitchen is spotless, the living room is rearranged and cleaned and I even washed the sheets and blankets on all the beds!  Call me crazy for using my first "free day" to clean the house but at a time where I feel so out of control with everything else in my life, it was nice to take control of something.  

Despite all the cleaning I got done today, I neglected my eating habits a little bit.  The day started off well with a protein shake (I use Body Fortress vanilla and chocolate) with an ounce of my new sugar free syrup- Dolce de Leche.  Yummy!  I drank this at about 11 and then got cleaning.  At about 5:00 I realized I was starving and hadn't eaten anything since the morning so had 2 ounces of chicken salad.  Fast forward until 10pm and I realized I hadn't eaten anything since 5 and was starving.  I ate about 2 cups of watermelon over the course of an hour (it's mostly water so I figured it was ok) but by midnight was pretty hungry again.  At about 1am (crazy schedule today, I know) I had a couple pieces of beef jerky.  I was drinking lots of water all day, as I was busy cleaning, but I don't feel great about my food and/or choices.  Part of it is that I'm just not sure WHAT to be eating now.  But this is exactly what would happen pre-surgery.  I'd get so busy with life that I'd forget to eat and when I remembered I'd be famished and make all the wrong choices.  I need to stop this again before it starts!

The negativity just kind of treaded water today.  I didn't THINK about failure a lot but it was still THERE, hovering over me.  The TV playing in the background reminded me a few times that failure is possible and seems somewhat inevitable.  I CAN'T let these thoughts rule me though.  I need some sort of "victory" whether non-scale or not to help me reaffirm that I did the right thing.  But I just don't want to take that scale out of the closet.  I'll leave optimism for tomorrow, though.  

Over and out!

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