Day 34- Time flies when you are having "fun"...

Aug 30, 2011

Boy oh boy does time go by fast sometimes.  There are days like today when I look back and feel like I had my surgery yesterday!  Thankfully it was almost five weeks ago instead of yesterday :) 

We had kickball tonight, the start of the fall season.  It was the first time I'd seen a few people since before my surgery.  A few of them who knew I had the surgery asked how much I had lost and told me that they could really tell in my face.  It was nice to hear although I am totally self concious when people outside my "inner circle" ask me about it.  I don't know why I feel so awkward talking about it.  Hubby says people are going to find out eventually so I might as well be up front with them.  But I'm struggling a little with that.  My motto has kinda been, if they don't need to know I'm not going to tell them.  Hubby, on the other hand, might as well put a flashing neon sign on my ass that says "weight loss surgery patient".  Men!

Thankfully our anniversary turned out nice.  I had a major case of the post-surgery hormone's surging through my body so was a little emotional.  Hubby came home from work with flowers and a nice card.  I had a treasure hunt for him with clues that lead to his new hunting tree stand.  He was really surprised and didn't think we were exchanging gifts so didn't get me anything.  I'm not in it for the gifts but I can't help but feel a little disappointed.  I was also a little disappointed he didn't plan dinner and my crazy emotions kept making me think that he had forgotten or something until last minute.  I sucked it up and he took me to a new Carribean place only to discover it was closed!  We went to plan B and ended up stopping at a less than adequate vietnamese place.  I got Pho, which is surprisingly low in calories, and ate only a little bit.  The whole time I just couldn't get the nagging feeling out of my mind telling me that he had forgotten until last minute.  When we got home, I was still sulking a bit and decided to go off and sulk on a walk with the dogs.  By the time I got ready, he had put on his clothes and was coming with me.  We took a super long walk and even managed to run a little (although my too big pants started fallilng down :)  By the time we got back I felt a ton better. 

As soon as we got home, hubby was exhausted and went to bed.  I followed but he fell asleep in about 30 seconds.  I was soooo pissed!  I got up out of bed and came onto the couch.  I sat there for about 2 hours going back and forth between emotions.  One minute I was fuming mad that he had the gall to fall asleep early on our freakin' anniversary!  The next minute I was crying because I felt like he'd forgotten and not spent much time on planning anything.  Back and forth, back and forth.  At some point he came out, found me crying and was so confused as to what was going on.  I finally told him that I felt like he had forgotten our anniversary and dind't do anything to make it special.  I also told him that I was very hurt he fell asleep right away.  He felt super bad and tried to assure me about a dozen times that he hadn't forgotten but didn't know what I wanted to do and wasn't sure what time I'd get home from work and didn't know we would be exchanging gifts and so on.  He also said he was so sorry he fell asleep but he was just exhausted.  I felt a little better after this but still not one hundred percent.  

This morning I woke up feeling a lot better and hubby called to make sure I was doing better.  I still think he forgot a little bit (despite more assurances that he didn't).  I guess if he didn't forget then I should be even more upset that he didn't even plan anything special.  Right?  Anyways, despite all that I'm sort of mad at myself for letting my stupid overemotional hormones get in the way of enjoying my anniversary.  Even if everything wasn't perfectly preplanned like the crazy type A planner in my wants, it was a really nice night with the man that I love.  And I spent most of it silently sulking and being annoyed and hurt.  Geesh!  Shame on me! 

So yeah, that's that.  Food stresses have been about the same.  I'm struggling a bit with balancing eating with a chaotic schedule.  Tonight we were supposed to grill at kickball and it started raining so I had to go without food from my lunch at 3:00 to after kickball at 10.  I wasn't starving or anything but could definitely tell the body wanted food.  I need to get better at keeping snacks on hand and when I have the snacks actually eating them.  

Over and out!

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