2+ months and feeling a little blue...

Oct 02, 2011

I had another bad weekend with food and am again feeling ashamed.  This is the third time that this has happened so it's becoming a habit.  I've also started smoking again.  Why?  Why am I doing this?  It's just so easy to eat the "bad" food and I just seem to be constantly craving something.  I'm sure this is where the smoking thing snuck back in.  I have never been a regular smoker- only social.  But in the last two weeks I have been doing it much more than socially.  To the point that I just WANT, want, want one all the time.  I'm sure this has to do with the transfer addiction factor but I just don't know what else to do.  

I had a second interview for a job I REALLY, REALLY want which would add an additional 20,000 to our income.  After talking to a reference on Friday, I feel like my chances have been compromised based on something she said.  I'm trying not to get bummed about it yet, but can't help but feel the need to prepare myself for disappointment.  So I'm getting more depressed already.  

I just feel like the food I am supposed to be eating is so boring, too.  Cheese, lunchmeat, eggs, etc.  It's just so much protein.  I didn't think I'd get sick of it so soon...but I just am.  I'm even getting sick of my doctored up protein shakes.  

So this Sunday night brings me some disappointment and self loathing.  I know it will get better but I just need to get this situation under control.  I've been attending the monthly support group and every other week counseling but it just doesn't seem to be helping enough.  

I don't want to fail when I have just started! 

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