- HEALTH TRACKER
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Hi name is June,
I am 45 been doing the yo yo for years. When I was five years old I weighed 95 pounds was rushed to hospital the fat was sufficating my heart. At 7 years because of being in the system was put on riddelen was a bean pole maybe 45 pounds. Age 18 had a wash board stomach then at 23 was last time I saw size 18 pants.
My story is my story we all have one I am one that doesn't like to dwell. But here it goes. I was molested as a child a few times but then again many other children where to. So I used that has a crutch. I ate to get big to hide to become fearless. I had some close people in my life that would think they were helping me by saying things to me. Wich in turn just made me go the oppisite way and gain more once again was using excusses. I thought if I was big enough that people would be scared of me and I would never have to worry about and advancement from any one. Long story short I was killing myself. No one made me eat the way I did no one forced food down me.
I took some thing that my x husband said personally. I used what he said and blamed him and gained over 150 pounds in less then a year.
I then was having medical problems ones that will be with me for the rest of my life. I needed to make some changes so I did.
I left my husband and moved out of state closer to my mom with my brothers. I found my old high school sweet heart and forgot why we split up ( remember now lol ) Well that is where my little one steps in. My little girl my life savor. At that time I was at my heaviest right before I got pregnant. Was 400+ During that time I had lost around 147 pounds.
Life had changed for me and is still changing. I met a wonderful man 18 months after she was born. He and I share a very spiritual life. He has taught me many things. I no longer hold grudges have anger. I also take responsibility for my own actions and emotions.
Many of us like to blame others for the things we do. The hardest thing in life is to be honest with yourself. With me no one made me eat what I did and how much. No one forced me to stay in the house and do nothing. No one forced me as a adult to smoke. I did all these things on my own they were my choices. As hard as it was to admit all that life became easier.
I no longer blame any one for the way I am today. If some one said some thing to you and it upset you well you percieved it that way no one said hey now you have to cry. With me I look at it as if they have a issue with me then that is their issue. If I have a issue with me then well I better change don't you think?
Yes I am having the gastric bypass done and yes this is my decision I am doing it for myself and for my daughter. There is no more choices this is a life change and not a fad. I have quit smoking mind you I have smoked for over 30 years and about 18 years was 3+ packs a day. I have already changed my eating habit. I am making steps to do this life changes forever. There is no go back. This isn't like a marriage or a job. You can not quit this well you can if you want it to be the end but this is forever. Commitment every day for the rest of your life. I know I may never drink another soda pop. Or have any kind of sweets. I am fully aware of this.
I am no longer scared nor will I ever hide behind my weight.
Right now its hard for me to walk breath bend I wear slip on shoes. Pull on pants miss wearing real pants. I want to lay in a bath tub so bad I can't remember the last time I had a bath Showers are fine but I do miss relaxing in a tub. Will be happy to get rid of the odor. Yes the obese odor you can take a shower and by end of day smell badly. To sleep all night miss that to. I don't now because of the weight. Sitting in a chair for more then 20 minutes kills my hips my back shoulders. I am constantly tired. It is going to be nice to wear shorts again during the summer woohooo can't wait for that one.
Most of all I want to beable to sit on the floor with my little girl and play with her or take her to the park and have enough energy to run around with her. Yes I also want to feel attractive for myself no one else. I want to beable to breath again. Wear regular clothes. Lets face it unless we spend a fortune we in some plain ugly clothes lol. I would love to become a designer for womens clothing.
When all is said and done I do want to help others to prevent getting as big as I am. Life is to short. Live and love life.