I really need to get on track :(

May 05, 2010

On April 23, 2010 I met with my surgeon regarding Bariatric Surgery.  I had already attended the seminar in Aug. 2009 and decided of the 3 options that I wanted to do the Sleeve Gastrectomy only to find out that my insurance, Blue Shield PPO does not cover that surgery.  When I went in for my first consult with the Surgeon that is the first thing he said "Just to let you know, your insurance wont cover the Sleeve" , after that it's like I didn't even hear what he was saying and I was so disappointed I tried my best to fight the tears.  My husband was sitting with me and I could see the saddness on his face for me.  The Surgeon kept talking about the 2 remaining surgeries I was eligible for which was the Gastric Bypass and the LapBand.  He asked me what I knew about the two and I explained I didn't want the band because I just didn't want something inside me like that and that I didn't want the bypass either because of dumping syndrome.  He asked what else bothered me about the surgery but I couldn't think straight but I had some other concerns like malabsorption and blockage along with the dumping.

Seemed like my visit got cut short as maybe he could see I was not completely sold on the other two as I had my heart set on the Sleeve procedure.  Now 13 days since that appointment, I lost 1 lb, I was told by him that I should work on losing 15-20 lbs and by now I am sure I gained the 1 lb back.  I only exercised once since then and I have been eating really bad still.  Possibly because I am discouraged about the surgery now.  I need it still because I am extremely obese, and at 37 years old I feel like this can't be my life, I have more years if I get healthy and maybe not so many if I dont.  I can't stand looking at myself in the mirror so it is brief.  I gained these last 30 lbs in such a short amount of time due to stress.  Weird thing, my husband was going th rough some stuff and he gained 30 lbs recently as well, he weighs the same as me but he difference here is I am 5'3 and he is 6'1.

I need to get back on track, I plan to do some type of exercise tonight because I am so tired of feeling tired and sluggish all the time and being out of breathe whenever I just move.  I am probably exaggerating a little but not much.

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