biggest person in the room (my china experience)

Jul 18, 2010

since i dont have much to talk about today except me being constipated lol, i figure ill cut and paste something i wrote in the forum when someone asked if you feel like the biggest person in the room all the time...

"i feel like that everywhere i go...at work when im in meetings or going to lunch with my vendors, or to the store with girl friends, or when i cruise through stores that have clothes i cant fit like white house/black market (cause i love shopping for accesories)...everywhere!

i think the biggest experience i had that crushed me mentally for years after was my trip to china...now i had been to china 3 times before that for a couple weeks at a times but the last time was for two months with my daughters...so we basically lived there, we had an apartment, we had to go grocery shopping, went to the malls, etc. that was a very horrible experience. i normally like to be in the background and i hate when ppl look at me unless im feeling very sexy then i dont mind being stared at lol.

if anyone has ever been to asia would probably know that they stare alot. i got laughed at and stared at so badly i was so angry after the first two weeks we were there. i even got harrassed at the plant which turned into a huge thing with the global hr dept. while on the street, for example hailing a cab, ppl would walk past and look me dead in my eyes with a disgusted look on their faces. even the guys riding their bikes past me would stop and turn around and just stand there starring like i was a freak show...wth?!?!?! i felt like a huge fat blob and it really hit the most with the incident at the plant when two technicans pointed at me, made a gesture like my boobs and stomach were huge and walked off laughing out loud. china was the worse, hong kong wasnt as bad, and tokyo was more forgiving because alot of their women were fat too... but in china every woman i saw was small.

to this day im still messed up about it even when i go to nyc chinatown or to the chinese market. i always feel like im being stared at by them. crazy thing is that one of my best friends is chinese from tawian and shes the sweetest person alive! if it wasnt for her i would be irrate lol. but one thing is when i run to the store with her i just feel so huge compared to her...ugh i hate being fat!

one thing i vowed was i would never take a trip to asia until im atleast in a size 14...im not trying to be skinny but way smaller then i am now!"

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