11Jenn11
First off let me start by saying how much I enjoy this sight and all the advice I read here and support I see for everyone and from everyone.
STATS:
345 highest weight
333 at first wls appointment
315 at pre-op appointment (many last meals but i still lost)
305 night before surgery
Here I am the day before surgery and I thought I better fill this out now. I’m Jennifer; I’m 25 and have been overweight as long as I can remember. My dad likes to say it’s because my mother taught me poor eating habits but she left when I was 11 and he didn’t change them lol. And then of course as I got older I didn’t change them myself. I lost 65 lbs. on the no carb diet but then it came back slowly. I’ve done many other diets throughout my life like so many other have with minimal success. My biggest problem right now is that I put my career first (geriatric care) and ill work all day with no food then when I get home I stuff myself and go to sleep. Terrible for your health and no change in sight. So after my dad’s wife had her sleeve done I thought why don’t I? I second guessed my decision time and time again and even as I sit here thinking I’ll be in surgery in less than 12 hours I’m still 2nd guessing myself trying to convince myself I can lose the weight on my own (come on would I be this size if I could do it alone). I had my first appointment with my surgeon on August 14, 2013. I was told I had to do 2 visits to the NUT, 1 psych eval, blood work, ekg, chest x-ray, gyno, and full health history. I put most of it off until February 2014 when I went full gear realizing my time was running out. I waited so long to get the ball running because the holidays are super busy for me at work and they refused to give me time off. I did have to go back for a 2nd chest x-ray and then a cat scan because they found a mass on my lung that turned out to be ok. My insurance ends at the end of next month when I turn 26 so it’s now or never. I initially didn’t tell my dad as I went through pre-op appointments because I thought I might back out and I didn’t want him to be disappointed so he didn’t find out I was having the surgery until a week and a half ago. He was so happy and told me he would be mad if I didn’t tell him. (Obviously since I’m a daddy’s girl). As of right now I’ve decided not to tell any other family or even my mother. I don’t want anyone to worry about me. I guess that decision might be selfish but it’s the decision I’ve made for their mental health.
Everyone (2 friends I told, my dad and his wife) keeps asking if I’m excited, no, I’m not excited I’m embarrassed that I’m at this point. Embarrassed that I lied to all my friends about what surgery I’m having. Embarrassed that I’ll be helpless in a few hours and not able to take care of myself 100%. I’m also grateful that my dad kept me on his insurance. I’m grateful that god has given me this opportunity. Grateful I have plenty of sick time to use at work. Grateful for a 2 week break to recover. And I’m scared of course. Scared I’ll die (kind of but I’m sure I’ll be ok). Scared I won’t be able to afford all the bills that keep coming in from both pre-op and post-op. scared I won’t be successful and then I’ll be more embarrassed. Scared ill regret this later on in life. Scared for complications. But at the end of the day I’m going to choose to feel blessed over anything else. I truly believe god will watch over me as he has my whole life.
So the decision has been made, work has been taken care of until my return, bags are packed and it’s time to go. I’m going to stay with my dad, his wife, and my 3 little brothers while I recover but I want to come back to my apartment as soon as I can. I told my dad to go to work but he said he wants to take the day off to stay at the hospital so he will drive me in the morning (6am check in). Wish me luck and I guess I’ll add more once I cross over to the other side.