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Wow, I just realized I am now 14 months post-surgery.  Life IS grand!  No better way to describe it.  Work life, home life, social life, health life - -everything is in a good place at the moment.  Was just talking to my Sis the other day and said how happy and at peace I feel.  Sure, there are bumps in the road - - my work drives me crazy most days.  Our stock price is down the toilet which causes concerns about job security.  Unrealistic demands, limited work resources to get the job done and all that.  But it's no different than most other places I imagine right now.  

I am down 180+ lbs and the scale is still moving.  I feel more balanced in my outlook on food.  Not near perfect (what is THAT anyway?!) but much better than before.  I am still ultra conservative (by most peoples standards) in my food choices - - - MY choices -- but not feeling deprived or anything.  

Dating is exhilarating.  Seriously!  While I *am* still the same person with the same values I've always had...I am a bit different.  Different in that I am re-experiencing things now in my NON-SMO life.  I have been both fat and thin PRIOR to WLS so I do have memories of my "thin" life.  But honestly I don't think they were as good as things are now.  My head is in a better place, my values are in tact and my zest for life is in full swing.  But it's not a careless zest like it was in my thin 20's.  I do believe I have GAINED so much in this journey so far.  So while I don't EVER wish to have been fat, I do appreciate all that I have learned along the way.  

I am now looking into plastic surgery.  I personally would still like to lose a bit more but would be content right where I am as well.  Now my skin...whole 'nother story.  Looking at THAT pisses me off.  That is when I get frustrated with myself.  With the denial I held myself in for several years.  Things I think I need done...arms, legs, tummy and boobs - FOR CERTAIN.  Have a consult set up with a surgeon who is familiar with WLS patients.  Of course, this will be one of several consultations because I am scared to death of plastic surgery.  I will do my research thoroughly.  I had nauseau for WEEKS after RNY and I keep having this thought of tempting fate once with electing to have RNY.  But I know in my heart it's just something I gotta do for myself.  

Well it's off to la-la land for me right now.  

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count.  It's the life in your years."  

- Abraham Lincoln

I seriously cannot grasp that one whole year - 365 days - has passed by.  I remember as clear as day feeling like I was run over by a mack truck right after surgery.  Smelling THAT hospital smell.  Fluttering my eyes open to see my Sis standing there with a big forced smile, worried look and sigh of relief.  The intense need to pee and contemplating what body parts I would use to get outta bed to reach the bathroom.  The fuzzy blue slipper socks that I *still* use on days when I am looking for a comfort day.  Thanking God that I did actually wake up and showed signs of being coherent & stable.  Assuring my nurse I would take those 4 pieces of crushed pain pills in a just a few minutes....then promptly tossing them down the drain.  

The past year has been filled with ups and downs.  Mostly ups.  I feel incredibly healthy.  I am active.  And it doesn't hurt when I am active now.  In fact, most days I can't sit still.  I have lost 162 lbs and each day make a conscious CHOICE to respect my body like never before.  

Life is good.  I hope I am lucky enough to take this amazing trip down memory lane next year on this day.  And again in 20 years.  50 years.  

I am thankful for my Sis who has stood by me through thick and thin.  At my best and at my worst.  Without judgement but with encouragement, kindness, compassion and love.  

Today, I feel very blessed.  


  

Well first, I really suck at updating this blog.  Guess it's cause I'm an old fashioned girl (ahem...NO comments!) and still write in a journal - yep, the PAPER kind!!  So this online blog gets the red headed stepchild treatment.  

Happy to say I am minus more than 150 lbs!!  Now the last few months on the scale have been very S L O W.  It's all good though because my clothing sizes are still moving down.  Never quite understood that phenomena but it's true for me.  I'm a bit nervous for my 1 year lab results as I have been feeling sluggish lately.  I take all my  vits regularly but ya never know.  And my doc is gonna bug me about taking out the gallbladder since I have "sludge" in there.  I'm just not wanting to do that.  Guess I have some little attachment to that useless bugger.  Something about permanently removing body parts just doesn't sit right with me.  I suppose if/when the sludge causes me a real gallbladder attack like I have heard about from others...I might feel different at that point. 

Now anywho...about this itch I have.  Over the past few months, I have this intense feeling that I want to change a bunch of things in my life.  Oh you know, like change my career, move across the country , backpack in Europe for vaca and all that.  The funny thing is...there is nothing particularly wrong with my current life!!  Sure, I'm NOT feeling the love for work like I used to but that's just cause the politics exhaust me.  But I'm smart enough to know that corporate politics are EVERYWHERE!!  So not sure what I'd be gaining exactly.  Although I *do* seem to thrive in the "fresh slate" environments that I can build up to whatever I want.  I'd miss my family (well some of them) terribly.  And it'd have to be somewhere that has 4 seasons cause I actually dig the Fall & Winter months!  So....do I scratch that itch?  

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step."
                                   - Lao Tzo

to the Bahamas baby!!  I'm so excited to go you'd think it was my very first vacation or something, LOL.  I've been to beautiful places before but I just know having fun in the sun with my Sis will make this a special trip.  Funny how I planned this trip going essentially "solo" as a mission.  Always thought it would be cool to take a vacation by myself.  Still want to do that sometime in the near future.  But it turned out that my Sis would be coming along as well.  Guess you could say it was meant to be.

My WLS progress is continuing to go well.  I *think* I'm in a better place not getting so freaked about the scale.  Someone please remind me of that when I am boo-hooing over a stupid pound or two.  

And one of these days I just might actually post a picture or two.   

Lately I've been hanging around the Main forum board.  Kinda like it there.  Wide variety of people and I enjoy the "Grateful" posts by Ramon!  And participating in that post is a bonus for my soul.  

So I am thinking about taking a Belly Dancing class.  What a hoot that would be!  Pondering that one to see if I can make it work with my other commitments.  And if I have the nerve to go through with it!!  We shall see. 

"Dance is the poetic baring of the soul through motion."
                            - Scott Nilsson

  

So I've been (silently) proud about the healthy choices I've been making.  I'm not a "shout it from the rooftop" kinda girl when it comes to myself.  Heck, I don't even have a ticker because I think only my doc and I really care how much weight I lose.  

Well in one freaking day, my "healthy" choice gets thrown to the wind.  Correction, I throw it to the wind.  Here's how it happened.  Toss in a helping of serious family drama since Christmas day, an ounce of disgust over reading some recent posts on OH and sprinkle in the knowledge of upcoming job stress.  And voila...I find myself making a bad choice.  I get that this isn't a big deal to some people but to me it was and still is.  And I didn't binge on a bag of Cheetos or a box of Krispy Kremes or anything like that - but it wasn't a healthy life choice nontheless.  And the sad thing is that I had "that conversation" with myself while I was making said bad decision.  You know, the conversation where you talk yourself out of making a bad choice.  But apparently, I didn't really care.  

So to every bad thing, something good MUST come of it as well...right?  Otherwise I will have missed the life lesson and repeat it.  I guess the thing I learned is that I really need to find something besides exercise and my "control" over food to help me cope with stress.  

Ok, now my pity party is officially over.  In reality, 2007 was a great year for me.  And I know 2008 will be just as rewarding, if not more.  

"In times of stress, be bold and valiant."
            - Horace

GREAT!  Yep, that's what my doc said.  I was stoked!!!  All my vitamin levels are either on target or better than average.  YAY!  I do have some occasional episodes of low blood sugar but it's weird because I eat such a minimal amount of carbs and sugar.  Usually, they say it's after a high carb meal.  Not me, but then again, my whole WLS journey has been different than most others.  Before surgery, my doc explained how my body doesn't process carbs like a "normal" person's body so I am very careful about carbs and sugar. 

I have currently lost 130lbs since surgery.  I can't believe it.  I feel it in my clothes each day.  It's amazing.  Someday I hope to actually *see* it in the mirror...  

Have to say I seriously miss my boobs.  I know that may sound vain and I don't regret having better health ... BUT ...it IS how I feel.  I'm a sensual chic and I miss those voluptuous parts of me.  

So I'm sitting at the doc's office in the waiting room and pic up a schedule for upcoming WLS group meetings (haven't been to one since surgery).  Start talking to this lady who is there for her first consult on WLS.  Two other ladies overhear us talking (they are also pre-op) and come over to ask me questions.  It was so cool and I really enjoyed sharing my experience with them!!  I hope they take whatever path is best for them.

Now get this.  My doc says I am a "model patient" with respect to my weight loss progress, exercise routine and food choices.  Ummm, me???  Blows my mind how much this surgery has changed my life.  

I hope this feeling lasts forever.  Well, I'll take what I can get - - whether "forever" exists or not.  

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow.  Learn as if you were to live forever."
                          - Mahatma Gandhi                       

WOW, I cannot believe I'm at the 7 month mark.  Time has seriously flown by.  And the weight has been coming off nicely.    

Since my day of surgery, I have lost 118 pounds!!  That is like losing a little more than half a pound per DAY!  Now of course that rate is not gonna continue forever, but I'll take what I can get and work my butt off for the rest.  

But ya know, as much as I am a bit "obsessed" with my scale...I am just so tickled to be feeling good physically.  My energy level is high and I feel like I just want to keep going & going.  And yes, I am working through the scale obsession as best I can.  

I am so much more in tune with my body then ever before!  I like to exercise.  I am aware of everything I put in my body.  In other words, I am taking responsibility.  And dayum...it feels GOOD!  

Now it's not to say every day has been "peaches and cream" because there have been days that, quite frankly, sucked.  But you take the good with the bad, if it's something you really want.  Some days I think "why didn't you do this sooner" but quickly realize that I waited all these years to research wls, learn what my new lifestyle would entail and get myself "together" for this life long commitment.  I had surgery when I knew I would be ready for whatever challenge was put in front of me.  So in the end, it really was the perfect time.  

"Life is all about timing.  The unreachable becomes reachable.  The unavailable becomes available.  The unattainable becomes attainable."
                                         - Stacey Charter

Although this isn't what she (Stacey Charter) was talking about...I think this quote is appropriate.  CONFESSION:  I'm a quote junkie!!  

Happy 7 month surgiversary to me!!                 

There was a time I packed my dreams away
Living in a shell, hiding from myself.
There was a time when I was so afraid
I thought I’d reached the end.
Baby, that was then.
But I am made of more than my yesterdays.

This is my now,
And I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around,
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fear’s behind me,
Gone are the shadows and doubt.
That was then.
This is my now.

I had to decide.
Was I gonna play it safe?
Or look somewhere deep inside,
Try to turn the tide.
Find the strength to take that step of faith?

This is my now,
And I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around,
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fear’s behind me,
Gone are the shadows and doubt.
That was then.
This is my now.

I have a courage like never before, yeah.
I settled for less, but I’m ready for more.
Ready for more…

This is my now,
And I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around,
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fear’s behind me,
Gone are the shadows and doubt.
That was then.
This is my now,
And I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around,
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fear’s behind me,
Gone are the shadows and doubt.
That was then.
This is my now.
This is my now.