SweetMelissa1127
The Beginning
Apr 29, 2018
Like most American's who have been fighting the obesity battle their whole lives, I am exhausted from the roller coaster ride provided by my bathroom scale. In other words, this is not my first rodeo and I'm tired.
I walked into my first Weight Watchers meeting in the 7th grade at 142lbs. My best friend and her mother had joined and the suggestion was made that Lauren would be more successful if she had a friend to count calories, fats and carbs with her. I went to that first meeting but I just couldn't get into it. I remember my first spoonful of "Light n Lively" vanilla ice cream and blurting, "nah, I'll wait until later in life, like after I have babies, to put myself through this torture." By the time I reached high school I was 200 lbs.
As young girl I learned the joys of socializing: ice cream after mini golf, pizza at the roller rink, giant troughs of popcorn at the movie theater washed down with giant cups of soda. We would hang out with friends and then go home and order a large pizza with extra cheese delivered for our late night snack. We would rent VHS tapes, from the local "video store," and lay around eating Chinese food or hoagies and cheesesteaks and french fries or chips! Everything we did was food based! We were programmed from an early age to RUN when we heard the Good Humor Man coming to beg for a buck for this summertime treat and in Philly, it was double jeopardy with the Water Ice man following closly behind, with his Italian ice and Philly soft pretzels with extra mustard and salt please! This was life, and this was the beginning of what would be a lifelong battle with myself.
I was always told that I was "pretty" by my mom and the rest of my family, "if you could only loose 10 lbs you'd be so much prettier." My childhood was not the easiest. My father was inexplainably absent and my mother re-married to an emotionally battering ex-marine. They were always fighting, visciously, in front of myself and my baby brother. Then one night, the fight to end all fights which resulted in my grandfather showing up and beating the crap out of him until the police arrived, as my brother and I watched from the top of the staircase. We moved from that home shortly and into my grandparents home who made it perfectly clear that it was only temporary. Shortly after that we were in a rental row home in South West Philly and my mom's new boyfriend was moving in with us.
That relationship lasted longer than the others but he and I had a deep dislike for one another. Lauren and I had discovered that he was a drug dealer and when we found his stash, we flushed it. All of it. It wasn't much longer before he was in jail and we were moving again. After a brief time on family assistance, my mother was able to enroll in "shorthand" and medical terminology courses at a local college and land herself a decent job in the cashier's office at a nearby hospital and by the time I was finishing my first Weight Watcher's meeting we were moving again! I finished out my elementary school years in Catholic school in Philly and then, just as we had settled into the new house, we moved again half way through my freshman year of high school, this time to Delaware County (Delco), the suburbs. We were truly moving up! The suburbs had cable TV - and MTV! However, I didn't know a single person at my new school as I began my sophomore year in Public high school.
At the time that I began attending the new school I was topping out at 200lbs. Feeling self conscious about my weight, it was an unsettling time of my life. Teenage years are difficult enough without all of the changes I was being forced to roll through. In any event, I was able to make a few close friends who liked to drink beers on the weekends and smoke cigarettes and weed. That's when the weight really started to creep up on me. By the time I graduated high school I was 230lbs and, my mom was moving, again! This time, she was moving to northern NJ because her job was relocating. The heart surgeon she worked for had taken a new position and had asked her to come along and help him get things set up at the new facility. I had a choice to stay and find my own way, or to go with her and start anew. Needless to say, at 18, I was done moving everytime she wanted to up and leave so I moved in with friends sho had just bought their first home in South West Philly.
My mother and brother moved in July, 1988. I was working for a prestigious brokerage house in Center City Philly for a whopping $4.00 per hour. I probably don't need to tell you that I didn't last very long without my mom helping e out and, in October, 1988 she picked me up and I left Philly for the last time. On November 7, 1988 I began my career at the same hospital as my mother. In March of 1989 I met my future ex-husband and fell completely head over heals for the man of my dreams. My mother lost her job in June, 1989 after some restructuring took place and was once again moving, back to Delco. I, once again, kissed my mother and brother goodbye and went about building a life and a 30 year career in Northern New Jersey.
The independent days that make up the life of early 20-somethings lead to years of care free eating and partying and by the time I was 25 years old, I was 250 lbs and pregnant with our first child. At 8 months pregnant I caved to social expectations and moved in with my baby daddy and gave birth to the prettiest and most perfect baby girl the following February. In February 1997 I became engaged to be married on the eve of our daughter's first birthday. I was perfectly content and happy in the first few years of motherhood. My mom had moved again, this time to South Jersey, but she was a wonderful Granny and the three of us became super close in that time spending at least 1 whole weekend per month doing mother/daughter/granddaughter things together.
Then the unimaginable happened, my mother was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer at the age of 50. I lost my mom forever on July 30, 1999, just 27 days after my wedding, and life as I knew it was changed forever. Angry and depressed I turned to my one true friend, the one who never moved or let me down, FOOD. In October 1999 I found out that I was pregant again and in May, 2000 gave birth to the most wonderful and handsome son a mother could wish to have in her life and topped out at 298 lbs.
A few months after giving birth to my son, I slipped and fell hard, on my knee. The injury required an MRI but my leg was too fat to fit into the leg immobilzer on the MRI table but, with "one more try" they were able to slam it shut and get the images that they needed to determine that I had a torn meniscus. It wasn't until after that surgery, when I was told that I would eventually need a total knee replacement, that my real weightloss journey begins.
I was distraught at the mear thought of knee replacement surgery! I have worked in a hospital for 30 years, I've seen things! I do not EVER want to have a joint replaced as long as I can help it and, it was while I was crying to my sister in law about this very thing, she said "let's give Weight Watcher's a try, they have a new points system." Reluctantly, I agreed and we went to our first meeting the following week. It was the beginning of a very long journey, first losing up to 50 lbs. After the first 50 however, my husband and I began having issues. He became increasingly controlling and seemingly unstable. I continued to work on myself and before I knew it, another 50 lbs was shed. I was in the gym twice a day and then exercising with the kids when I got home, going for walks, riding our bikes, etc. I shed another 20 lbs moving swiftly through divorce and into our new home and dealing with the drama that is divorce.
It wasn't long before I figured out that I wasn't going to be able to continue to afford much other than the essentials living on my own with 2 kids. The judge awarded me $18.00 per week in child support and no spousal support, the jackass had gotten his girlfriend knocked up, so I was really on my own and back to school I went. Night classes 2 nights per week for 4 years, along with having to safrafice my gym membership for groceries, helped the scale creep back up to where I am today - 250 pounds - 70 pounds heavier than I was in 2008.
My daughter is now graduating from college and my son from high school, it's time to do something for myself now and so begins chapter 2.