Erin C.
2-4-02
I am 30 years old and the mother of 4 wonderful children.I am happily married to the best guy in the world, and have been for 11 years. While I am very content with my life in general, my weight has put limitations on me both physically and mentally. I have had Gestational Diabetes with 3 of my pregnancies, and both my Mother and Father have Diabetes, making me a shoe-in if I don't do something soon. I have gained 40 lbs since the birth of my youngest child 4 years ago, and don't know that I wouldn't continue to gain 40 lbs in the next 4 years. What a depressing thought! I also don't want to go through the things I have watched my parents go through as a result of their weight. For example, my Mom has had part of her foot amputated because of infections from her diabetes. In the end, I want to be healthy. I want to go on a bike ride with my kids and not wonder what people driving by think. I want to walk the dogs and not have aching hips 4 blocks into it. I want to go swimming in Lake Tahoe with my kids, or go to an Amusement Park and KNOW that I can fit on the rides...After pouring over this website and many others like it for a couple months, I've come to the conclusion that this IS something I would like to do. Something I need to do. Hopefully I will find support not only from my family IRL, but through this site as well. Wish me luck guys!
2-7-02
Well, I called and made an appointment. All of the Surgeons in his practice do it (RNY) Lap vs open, which I hope is good. I've noticed that people I talk to who have had it done, tend to recommend the surgery THEY had done and talk about all the neg's of the other kind. In the end, I think the recovery time from a Lap should be quicker, and having 4 kids quicker is better. I asked the nurse for an estimate on how soon I could have the surgery, and she said most people are 4-6 weeks from their first appointment. After reading all the insurance problems people have had, this kind of blew me away. I guess if this is what they do though, they probably get pretty good at it, and know what the Insurance Co wants. Anyway, I'm going to my first support meeting this Saturday, and hope to come away even more motivated and committed to the idea that this IS the right thing for me. My husband has accepted it (the risks were killing him initially), and is being extremely supportive. We'll be sitting on the couch talking and out of the blue he'll say something like, " We could go water skiing"! I know HE'S thinking about it all the time too. Anyway... that's it for now. My appointment is 2-25.
2-26-02
Well, while continuing to research and listening to the experiences of those who have gone before me with either the LapBand or the RNY, I think that the LapBand might be a better idea for me. I definitely don't feel that I can lose the weight I need to by any other means than surgery and the band seems so much less drastic to me. I went to my first support group intending to be sold 180% on the LapRNY, and the opposite happened. I listened 1st hand to experiences with various complications and even deaths and I guess I just started thinking. Unlike the majority of the people in the room, I'm NOT ready to die trying to lose weight. That being said, I realize that there is a risk of death from ANY surgery I don't want to be 3 years out, at goal and loving my life...only to be plaughed by worry if I spike a fever and have some stomach pain/cramping. NO ONE can guarantee that my staple line won't leak or that if I'm 6 months out and doing great, I'm OK and out of the woods. It can happen anytime, and with no warning! I just feel that the Band is safer, and at this point I feel better about it. Initially, I didn't even know that it existed, until I saw someone post a question on here asking about it. Even then, I thought it was a surgery only performed in other countries. While it is fairly new in the US, it's the most common WLS in the World OUTSIDE the US. I feel good about not dumping, not having to take vitamin supplements, or worrying about malabsorption for the rest of my life. Rather I will have the ability to have it adjusted if I still find myself feeling hungry in the future during a 15 minute office visit. I don't know. Also, insurance covers it, which is always a plus. Well, that's my update for now. Still waiting...
4-08-02
Well, I've seen Dr. Billy 2 times now, and LOVE the man. He's so wonderful. I'm glad that I decided on the Band vs the RNY before it was too late, for so many reasons. I feel that it's a much better surgery for me. Also, my Mom is a nurse, and has had 2 of her LapRNY patients die in the last 2 weeks. While this is an unusually high number, especially for a group that only does a few/week, it just reinforces the risks. One of the patients was a 35 y/o single mother of 2. Only 5 years older than I am...that's just SO young! I will NOT have to worry about a leaking bowel after LapBand surgery. Ya know? Also, I like that I will lose weight slower and hopefully my skin won't sag so horribly like is often the case with the rapid weight loss of the RNY. I sure hope I haven't offended anyone with my comments. I believe that this is a forum that I can use to write about my feelings pre and post op...assuming that anyone reads this anyway :-)!
5-5-02
Well, if you believe that everything happens for a reason, then I guess my life is going in the direction that it should. My Dr. submitted my papers to Cigna on 4-12-02. He got a faxed Certification Withheld (denial) from them on 4-16-02. Talk about disappointed. I was just SO surprised. I had read that Cigna paid for the surgery, and many people get approval within hours. Well, obviously I wasn't one of them. Unlike some though, I have a WONDERFUL Dr, who refused to give up. Between him and his Insurance Coordinator, Heather, they called Cigna daily and sometimes even several times/day wanting to talk to the Dr. that reviewed my file. They wanted a valid reason for the Denial, as I fit EVERY SINGLE REQUIREMENT that Cigna has for qualifying for any kind of obesity surgery. Finally last Friday (5-03-02) Heather called and asked to speak to the Supervisor's Supervisor. She was tired of getting the run around, and never having calls returned. She WAS able to get a hold of the Supervisor, and the Sup agreed to talk to Dr. Billy. Well, Dr. Billy was in his car on a cell phone, but he pulled right over and gave her a piece of his mind, and fought for my approval. Guess what? HE GOT IT!! YIPPEE! When Heather called me that afternoon and told me that I was approved with a surgery date of 5-10-02, I just about fell off my chair. I thought the whole appeal thing would take MONTHES. Instead, it just took a persistent Dr.'s office, and speaking to the right person at Cigna. I was SO happy.
An update on my Mom. She's in the hospital (53) and has been for 2 weeks after having 2 diabetic ulcers on her foot get a staph infection. She's had another partial amputation, and this time the infection actually spread to her blood. She's had problems with her kidneys, liver, heart, pnemonia, and this amputation in the last 2 weeks. All of this only furthers my resolve to get this surgery. I have GOT to lose weight, as I am confident I will be living her life in 20 years if I don't.
That being said... :-) After the initial shock of actually getting approval, my husband asked me if there's any reason now that I COULDN'T have the surgery. I said nope, thought about it for a second, and realized that if by some miracle I had gotten pregnant, I wouldn't be able to have surgery. We got a pregnancy test and after almost 4 years of trying, it was POSITIVE!! Talk about another shock. We had decided that once I had the surgery, my husband was going to have a vasectomy, and we would go on to the next phase of our lives. No toddlers, but rather all 4 of our kids in school. We've always had an 'if it's meant to be' attitude about everything from buying homes to having babies, and I think that God giving me this baby 1 WEEK before I would have had a surgery that would have started the ball rolling to not having any more, is more than a coincidence. I feel awful about all the work my Dr has put into getting me approved, only to have me get pregnant, but that's the ONLY down part of this pregnancy. My other kids are jumping up and down, singing, happy. My youngest has been asking for a baby for years. SSSOOO, I guess I won't have anymore WLS updates for a while. I will still check in with everyone, as there's NO doubt in my mind that I want the surgery. It's just not right now like I've been hoping. Good luck to anyone who IS reading my page. It's a good day to be alive.
PS. I have gotten Gestational Diabetes with each of my last 3 pregnancies, and would expect nothing less this time. As a result, it's amazing but I actually LOSE weight when pregnant. I watch what I eat, and basically go on the biggest willpower, diet you've ever seen for 9 months, as my eating habits actually have a direct impact on someone else's health. Does this make sense? Hopefully, I can continue the healthy eating habits after, and it'll make the banding that much easier/natural. Ok, I'm done. Good luck guys! Erin
4-2-04
The race is back on! On 12-23-02, we added a beautiful, healthy, baby boy to our family. We namd him Hunter. Babies really have a way of putting everything into perspective for you. I took time off from my pursuit of WLS during my pregnancy, and then again over the last year as I've been nursing him. We're still nursing, but he's 14 months now, and I wouldn't be so devistated if we had to wean gradually b/c of a surgery date. I've met with Dr. Billy again and he's going to resubmit all my original papers and see what happens. I had gone through all the hurdles before, and he said even if we get denied, they have to give us a reason and we will know what needs to be done, vs starting from scratch. At this point, he said if I'm approved we could have a surgery date as early as 4-11. On one hand that seems SO soon, but on the other, it's over 2 years in the waiting! I'm still on some support loops through the bandsters groups on Yahoo and feel like I have a very good grasp of not only the surgery itself, but living life WITH the band. I'll update more often, as I've actually gotten a few emails from other Dr. Billy patients and enjoy communications with people who share similarities like Dr, locataion etc. Wish me luck!!
4/19/05
Well, it's been quite a while since I've posted anything. My paperwork was resubmitted, and I received a denial. :-( My husband has an open enrollment coming up and I'm hoping we can change carriers. I was watching TV yesterday and saw that there's another group in Reno doing the Lap Band, and have decided to contact them if Dr. Billy isn't contracted with a new Insurance Carrier. Hopefully, this will be the answer to months of waiting and disappointment.
5-27-05
I met with Dr. Sasse last week. He seems ok. He wasn't quite as personal as Dr. Billy, but I'm sure he knows what he's doing. My Insurance will be changing 6-1 to United Healthcare, and it's my understanding that they are pretty good about covering the Lapband. I hope it goes well. I'm planning on getting the Psych Eval and Nutrition Eval done ASAP, and then we'll submit. I'm in 'hurry up and wait' mode...again. I just got back from the Dr. this morning and am being started on meds for my Diabetes and high cholesterol. I have GOT to lose this weight!
8-7-05
Well, I FINALLY got a surgery date. YIPPEE. I'm so grateful that I was able to change to UHC. No appeals, no denials, just a wonderful approval letter in the mail. I didn't even have to have documentation of supervised diet history. I will be getting banded on September 7th. They found a hernia during the preop testing, so I'll be getting that fixed at the same time.
I'm sure as the time draws closer I will get nervous, but at this point I'm very excited and thankful to UHC!!
8-16-05
Wow, 22 days and counting. We're in the middle of a bunch of home improvement projects which are actually GREAT, and it's making the time just race by. Sometimes I can't believe I'm actually DOING this. It's not just a dream, or something I long for, it's something SCHEDULED with the Dr. and the hospital! I can not wait to be on the 'other side' and begin my new life. I was talking to my 7 year old the other day and she asked me 'what if they accidently leave some of your fat on'? Woops, apparently she thought I would come home from surgery thin. I told her I will come home looking the same, just a little sore. Glad we got that one out of the way or she would have thought the surgery was a total failure!! Anyway, I'm very excited, very nervous, and full of anticipation!
8-24-05
Two weeks from today!! I'm definitely thinking more about the surgery as I attend my pre op classes and Dr. appointments. This weekend we're having new flooring put in throughout the house and I'm looking VERY much forward to having that done so I can start concentrating on my surgery. I'm afraid I'm not getting ready psychologically and don't want to panic when I realize I'm only a couple days away if that makes sense? 14 days.....
9-6-05
Well, this is it. I'm scheduled for surgery tomorrow at 11am. I'm VERY excited, but also extremely nervous. If I could just get past the nerves about the surgery, thinking about my life 6 months from now just fills my heart. I expect to be healthier, happier, thinner, able to buy clothes I LIKE vs clothes that cover the best, more active in my children's lives, a better wife...the list goes on. This has certainly been a long time coming. Thank you for all of your support over the last 3 years. I will update you from the 'other' side!! Good luck to all of you who are just beginning this journey, or who are struggling with Insurance Companies or any of the other obstacles we find in our way. If it's meant to be...it truly will happen.
9-8-05
I'M FINALLY POST-OP!!!! It's almost surreal I've been waiting so long. I feel pretty good all things considered. I never had to take any pain meds in the hospital, and was able to be released the same day. They called me at 7am and asked how soon I could make it to the hospital b/c they wanted to do surgery ASAP. Kind of freaked me out, but it was less wait time, so that's good. Last thing I remember was telling them about my new bed and how much I was looking forward to enjoying it over the next couple days. Next thing I know, I'm waking up a BANDSTER! I'm surprised how sore my back is, but I think it's from laying flat for so long on the or table. At least I think it is. Back hurts worse than the front! I will update later, but wanted to post that the worst is behind me, and I'm hopeful this next year (and the rest of my life) will be a great adventure. Thank you to all of you for the support that I have gotten while on my journey! Erin
9-12-05
Well, day 5 post op and every day is getting better. I had something strange happen over the weekend. I started having blurred vision. My right eye was especially bad. I didn't take any pain meds after surgery, and have NO idea what in the world it could have been. It started Saturday and got much worse on Sunday. I took out my contacts several times, and even put in a fresh pair. I have my post op on Thursday and will ask Dr. Sasse about it then. It's much better today. I still haven't really felt hungry, which I think is a blessing considering I'm still doing the mushy thing. My Dr. never specified 'clear' liquids vs any other kind, only that it must be mushy enough to flow off a spoon. I discovered the canned Cambel's soup 'drink' things and they're great. Actually something warm (vs water, jello, Isopur etc) and taste decent. I'm down 12 lbs (6 since surgery) and it's great to have gone from the 230's to the 220's. Can't wait to be in the teens. Everytime I go down a number I do a little goodbye forever to the the number I was on before! I've really noticed the loss in my feet. All the extra water I've been toting around! I wear Birkenstocks anyway, but am thinking about cinching them up a bit! Can't wait to see where I am on Thursday at my post op.
Update: I had no idea when I wrote this originally that I was going to be having problems so soon. This is what my port incision looked like day 7 post op. I didn't realize that all of the swelling was actually pus and fluid build up. Forgive the stretchmarks from being the mother of 5...please!!!
9-15-05
I woke up yesterday to 3 of my incisions oozing fluid. Lots of fluid. I called my Dr. and they got me in today. I've definitely had better days . He said that I probably have a pocket of fluid and possibly the beginnings of an infection going on. He cut part of my port incision open so that the fluid could drain. I'm supposed to change the packing 2X/day, but I honestly don't know how in the world I'm going to be able to do this. I'm just queezy when it comes to stuff like this, besides the fact it hurt when he packed it and who wants to do that to themselves? Of course, I will. I have no choice. I'll have Justin do it when he can, but at least 3 mornings/week I'm on my own.
Worst case scenario (but still trying to think positively) he said that sometimes your body doesn't fight infections very well when there's an implant of some sort IN the infected area. If the meds and packing it don't work, I'll have to have my port removed. Not the whole band, just the port. Then we will wait for the area to heal, and he would give me another port implanted in a different area. This is a picture of what it looked like after my Dr. opened me up in his office. All of this was done with NO numbing. You can already see the redness from the tape around the incision. 
9-27-05
I have been packing my wound faithfully 2 times/day over the last 12 days. It actually started looking like it was starting to heal a little about 3 days ago and I've been VERY excited about that. Then yesterday I started hurting. REALLY hurting. Not the wound itself, but the area around it. I couldn't sit, stand, put my hands above my head, bend, NOTHING without hurting. Heck, it hurt bad just to pass gas! (sorry, TMI!) I called the Dr. yesterday and they told me to take Tylenol and apply wet heat 4 times/day. Well, this morning it wasn't any better, and the swelling was obvious so I called again. They worked me in.
My Dr. found that the pocket was still there and cut a little more so that it could drain more efficiently. In the end, I don't hurt as bad anymore, which is great. I'm frustrated, b/c I was really thinking that I was doing well, when in actuality I still have fluid building up inside my abdomen. He was much more compassionate today though, and I feel more like it's a team effort to get me healed up vs me just being a chart or file. I don't know if it's a bad sign that even though he opened me up 2 weeks ago fluid's still building up, or if there was as much chance of that happening as not, KWIM? I just want to be better!!! I don't regret having surgery, but this hasn't been much fun, and I'm hoping that I will heal. If I don't, I'm looking at 2 more surgeries which sucks. I also haven't lost any weight in over a week, which is hard. I'm still down 17 lbs, which is more than I would have lost had I not had surgery. Erin
10/5/05
I found out today that I'm going to have surgery in 2 days to remove my port and the infected tissue around it. I'm very bummed to be looking at yet another surgery (actually 2, b/c I will have to have another one to place another port in the future), but really want to put this infection behind me. Update: This is a picture taken a couple days after my surgery. While you get absolutely no idea the depth of this wound unless you watch something disappear into it, it is about 8-9 cm's (2.5 cm's = 1 inch) deep.
10/19/05
This last 6 weeks has been a roller coaster of emotions for me. I researched for 3 years before I was finally able to be banded. Like a lot of people, I even had a great list of reasons why I WOULDN'T have complications. I'm young, I had a relatively (everything is relative now, isn't it?) low BMI, had no major co morbidities, etc., etc. Six weeks after being banded, I've spent the last 5 weeks and only God knows how much longer, treating an infection I got around my port area. I have nurses coming to my home 3 times/week doing dressing changes on my wound vac, and I'm looking at LEAST 1 more surgery.
I have 5 children who love me more than life itself, who just don't understand why I CHOSE to do something that has made me so sick. My 2 yo is afraid to touch my stomach because Mommy has an 'owie', and my 7 yo asks before EVERY hug, which side she should hug me on as she doesn't want to hurt me. I'm paranoid about everything. If I start hurting more than normal, or look swollen or red, I wonder if my infection has spread and I'll have to have even more surgery. I worry when the junk in this wound vac tube is more yellow vs bloody looking... is it pulling out tons of pus, and if so, why in the world almost 2 weeks after the surgery to remove my port and the infected tissue, and a dose of antibiotics later, am I STILL having pus?!
I will be totally depressed and down one day, and find my inner strength and be optimistic the next. Today is a down day. A day where I question...what if this ISN'T a bump in the road? What if the band just wasn't meant for ME? I hate that the few people I HAVE told about this surgery always begin our conversations by asking how much weight I've lost. I would be a liar to say that I don't feel good about the 25 lbs I've lost, but it's really secondary to crap I'm still dealing with. I'm attached to a machine that sounds like I'M farting every 5-10 seconds 24/7. Now THAT'S fun in a quiet room! It's hard to feel committed to the band, when I don't know if my next port will bring on another infection. I have decided that if it does, I will have the whole system taken out. I can't go through all of this again, and I certainly don't want to put my kids through it either.
Sometimes I feel like a leper on the boards. A NSV post will get 30 replies, and my port infection post will receive 2-3. Just feeling sorry for myself, probably but it still sucks. Calling it a night....
10/20/05
Well, part of my last update was a copy and paste of a post I made on the message board. I have been overwhelmed with the response I have gotten from people. THANK YOU!!! It's not necessarily advice or even good wishes I'm looking for as much as acknowledgment. This is hard, harder than I expected. Because of it, I've found out that I am strong, stronger than I knew. I hope that on my bandiversary I will have a great update and all of this whining will truly be a thing of the past. I am down 25 lbs now, so at least THAT is progress :-)
10/25/05
Thankfully, we are past our 3 October Bdays and maybe I can concentrate on losing weight again!! I gained 3 lbs with the boys Bdays (I KNEW what I was doing when I was eating the cake and meals out) and in the last few days I've been able to lose those 3 lbs plus 1 more. Thank you God...and the band :-)
I also had my first NSV this weekend. I have always felt more comfortable in loose clothing 26/28 being the last size I bought. Well, even though I have the wound vac and tubing making my abdomen bulkier, I bought a 20/22 sweater this weekend, and it was plenty big for me. Probably could have bought an 18/20. YEAH me!!
I've found a great vitamin and wanted to share. They're called Viactiv (found them at Walmart) and I bought both the multivitamin as well as the calcium. They're almost like eating a Starburst, only good for you. I'm still worried to take pills, and don't like chalky chewables. Nice treat, AND it's good for me!
Is there such a thing as a good 'snack'? Something with next to no calories that you can snack on when you get the munchies? I was thinking unsalted sunflower seeds maybe? They have fat, but also protein. I know I should probably just drink more when I feel this way, but old habits die hard and when the kids are in bed and my husband and I are watching TV I'm starting to get very distracting thinking about what I could munch on. I know I just need to work through it. I haven't gone through what I'm going through to sabotage myself in the evenings.
Thanks for reading if you've gotten this far. 26 lbs gone forever!!!
10-30-05
Just wanted to do a quick update. I went to the Dr. 3 days ago and my hole is pretty much the same size it was after surgery. Kind of frustrating 3 weeks out. My Dr. said he never estimates how long it'll take to heal as everyone's different. He also said it could take up to 20 weeks to be completely healed...God help me if that's true. 4-5 months with this vac would NOT be fun. I don't know if it's just b/c this happened to me or not, but it seems that there have been more infections on the board lately. One lady got one from a fill. One of the reasons I chose not to get the RNY was the fact that you could have complications anytime, even years after surgery. I assumed that if you didn't get an initial infection (like I did) right after surgery that you were safe from infections. Almost scary to hear it happen to people months out. My daughter is testing for her Black Belt in Taekwondo next weekend in San Jose, CA. I will stay with my Daycare kids through the day and fly there in the evening. I don't know if the wound vac will be a problem as far as security, but it should be interesting watching the faces of the people around me as it 'farts'. UGH! I also can't wait to have surgery to replace my port b/c that's the next time I can get a fill of any sort. I don't know that I have restriction at this point as I can pretty much eat as much as I want. I don't eat a ton, but probably more than I should, and I push my plate away through will power vs a feeling of fullness. There have been a couple times when I could feel something sticking, but it always went through within a few seconds. Anyway, that's my update for now. Thanks for reading if you still are. -27 lbs
11/09/05
I think my infection is back :-( I've been on the wound vac after having my port removed for 5 weeks now. Monday the inside of my wound looked a little different, white on the bottom vs red and 'beefy'. The nurse wasn't sure why, but said he thought it was ok. Well, today when the nurse came and we took off the suction thing it TOTALLY stunk. Like wet feet that have been sitting in nasty, sweaty gym socks all day. Wonderful. NOT!!! Then we (I've become quite the active participant spreading my wound open and shining the flashlight in it) started poking around and found a tunnel that is almost twice the depth that it was on Monday (they measure on Mondays). When we got the Qtip to the bottom of it the pus started coming. Not just fluid, but chunks too. It had been measuring 3.6 cm's on Monday and is up almost 6cm's today. When you're looking at a Qtip as it disappears into your abdomen, that's a big difference. I'm SOOOO disappointed. I've done everything I was supposed to do and yet 2 rounds of antibiotics, 1 surgery, and 5 weeks of wound vac 24/7 later, I still have this damn bacteria hanging on!? I'm pretty sure he'll cut me open again so I won't just have a tunnel, but rather the whole thing will be deep.... again, and perscribe antibiotics. Not sure if we'll continue the wound vac as my skin is starting to react to the tape. The other option is packing it (twice/day, UGH), which still requires tape to cover the 4X4 you put on the top. I have some special 'breathing' tape the nurse gave me for tonight and tomorrow. I'm packing it until I see the Dr. tomorrow afternoon. I'm disappointed and bummed. Hopefully it won't be too big of a deal. I just want this to be done with, so I can get my port, so I can get a darn fill, so I can start WORKING MY BAND!!! Not losing in 3 weeks sucks ass. I'm done. Thanks for reading!! I'll update tomorrow after my appointment.
Update...It ended up being that the foam for the wound vac wasn't getting put down deep enough and tissue grew too high up creating a pocket below it. My Dr. cut through the new tissue and I'm back on track.
11/12/05
REALLY quick update. SV!!!!!!!!!! I was down from 211 to 209 today. FINALLY lost weight for the first time in 3 weeks. I've actually been playing between 211 and 213 for the 3 weeks. I'm SO happy. 10 more lbs and I'm in under 200 for the first time in.....YEARS! Still carrying a lot of weight in my belly and I don't honestly notice any weight loss with my clothes off, but when I stand in front of a mirror with clothes on I'm looking quite a bit thinner.
Still have my wound vac, and will have for quite a while. Got a bill from them (KCI) today. Over $9000 for 30 days of supplies and the machine (and the nurses). I can't fathom doing all of this without having insurance. I also looked up my EOB for my surgery and was charged over $27,000 for my 11 hour hospital stay during my original surgery. Insurance only allows $4400, so the rest was a write off. I feel so bad for self pays!! My surgeon charged over $13,000. I'm curious how much that write off will be?
My Dr. said he thinks that my nurses weren't going deep enough with the foam, which caused a 'roof' to form (new tissue basically) with a big pocket of fluid under it. He cut through the roof and told me to tell them that it's about this (pointing right above the hand knuckle of his index finger) deep, and they need to get it all the way to the bottom. My nurse yesterday was the wound specialist and I know he did a fabulous job. He even cut it (the foam) with curved lines etc to fit my hole exactly vs just a rectangle. Looked like the state of CA actually! I really hope that them putting the foam in deeper will be the difference between nothing healing and healing quickly. I will diligently be my own advocate. I was so hoping to get a new port before Christmas, but it will happen in good time. It's cool to think that THIS year's New Year's Resolution to lose weight will be kept! I hope during the 2006 year I will be at goal. It's bizarre to think I'm about 60 lbs away. I've almost lost 30% of what I wanted to. Ok, enough for now. Thanks for reading if you still are!
11-30-05
Still alive and kicking! My hole is getting a ton smaller, YEE HAW! I go into the Dr.'s office tomorrow and am going to see if he'll let me schedule a surgery for later in Dec, even though I'm not completely healed yet. I'm sure (ok, I hope) that I will be healed in the next 2-3 weeks and just WANT MY NEW PORT!! If I'm not healed a few days before my surgery, we could just reschedule. It's not like rescheduling a RNY...I'm thinking it won't take longer than 30 minutes or so. I'm tired of having had the surgery, but none of the restriction and continuous weight loss that come with it. I'm stuck at 29 lbs lost. Yes, it's great to have that weight off, but I just realized I'm almost 4 months out. I had thought I was being realistic hoping for 10 lbs or so/month. Most of my weight loss has been the week after surgery...both of them. I've only lost 4 lbs in the last month and a half :-( I am not eating even half of what I was eating before, but am still not losing. I know it will happen, just need to be patient.
I'm not really feeling down, just impatient I guess. It IS nice looking for clothes in a smaller size. I'm down from a 24 to an 18 in both pants and 14 in shirts and they fit great. Also, my blood sugars have been great. Like I said, I'm not really depressed right now, just want to get this show on the road. I've got family that knows I've had this surgery coming down for Christmas and it would have been great to have lost 50 lbs or so since they last saw me.
We watched the finale of The Biggest Loser last night. It was amazing to me how much younger, healthier and happier everyone looked. I don't think I stereotype or judge 'fat' people, but the transformations were amazing. Anyway, enough rambling, I'll update you after my Dr.'s appointment tomorrow.
Below are pictures with the wound vac on (in case you're curious what exactly it looks like) as well as what my wound looks like in November. I roll the tubing from my vac up and put it in my front pocket. Then I just wear the actual vac over my shoulder. A lot of people assume it's a purse or something unless they're standing behind or beside me for long enough to really notice it. I've also mastered adding extra tape to it after the nurses leave. If there are any small leaks at all, it sounds like it's farting...often. I can't handle it and neither can any of my family. A piece of tape (it's actually called drape and comes with the wound vac supplies) in the right place makes it almost totally silent. YEAH, glad I figured that one out!
12-6-05
What a crazy few days it's been. My husband found himself unemployed for the first time in over 20 years this week. We found out last week that it would probably happen, and he's been hitting the pavement running. With 5 kids, 2 bdays this month, our anniversary and lets not forget Christmas, and all of my medical problems, it couldn't have happened at a worse time. Well, after several interviews and never ending prayer, he was offered a job today. It actually pays more than his old job and he was given a signing bonus to help us pay for COBRA which is going to be $985/month. OUCH!!! He's been unemployed less than 24 hours, Thank you, God. Still a big change, but hopefully it will end up being for the better! Also, I finally got off my plateau of the last 2 months and lost another 5 lbs. YEAH ME!!! OK, calling this an update.
December's picture. It's only 2.1 cm's deep now, and maybe a fingertip wide. They've told me it will always be indented like a belly button but reassured me that I could have plastic surgery if I wanted. HELL NO!!! I don't care what it looks like. Once it's closed NOBODY is reopening it!!
Dec 29
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I'm feeling a lot more hopeful about everything. I have a surgery date of Jan 11th to get my new port put in and I can't wait. Hopefully I will be done with the wound vac by then as well. Thank you for taking the time to read my profile. It's been quite the journey. I'm still hanging out at 204-205. Doesn't look like I'll make it into the '1' hundreds before the first of the year, but that's ok it'll start my new year off REALLY well when I do get there. Here is a picture of my awesome kids. Hope you and yours have had a great Holiday!
Jan 2, 06
What a great way to start the New Year. I'm officially off the wound vac. YEAH!!! I'm absolutely euphoric over this. I'll still be packing for a week or so, as I still have a little depth and they don't want a scab to form. Also, I lost another pound (FINALLY!) so from my highest weight I've lost 40 lbs officially. Down to 203. I'm SO close to being under 200 that I can taste it. Also, with each of my other surgeries I lost about 10 lbs, so I'm hoping this one will be the same. I'll also be able to get a fill during surgery, so hopefully I'll have some restriction. Kinda ironic that I'm going to be in surgery during my first 2 fills. I'm just having a great day, and feeling very optimistic and thought I would share. Have a good one!
Jan 10,06
Having kind of a funky day today. My port replacement surgery is scheduled for tomorrow, and while I'm very excited to get this done and finally be able to use my band to help me lose weight, I'm also very apprehensive. Right now, I'm healthy. My infection is gone, the wound vac is gone, I'm sitting right at 203 lbs which would still kill some people and is still too high for me, but I'm a healthy 203 if that makes sense? I got some labs back that I had done in November, and my cholesterol is normal (was taking meds for it) and so is my AC 1 Diabetes test (I had been taking 2 Diabetes meds before surgery). Of course, I would love to lose another 50 lbs, but I have to admit I'm honestly worried about getting another infection.
Jan 11, 06
Back from surgery and everything went great. I apologize to my Dr.'s office for anything I've posted in my profile that has caused their feelings to be hurt. I have read through my profile and deleted most of my feelings related to your office. Like I told Dr. Sasse, my best case scenario is to be able to continue seeing him. There have been ups and downs related to this surgery for me (expected) and maybe I shouldn't be quite so honest in such a public forum when I share my feelings on 'down' days. Once again, I apologize publicly and hope that we can be an effective team in the future. I feel Dr. Sasse is an excellent Surgeon and am grateful to have him in the OR with me. Erin
Jan 13, 06
Well, still pretty tender, but haven't needed anything more than Tylenol twice. Days are usually a lot easier for me than night when I'm actually laying in bed. I've thought about sleeping on the couch in a semi upright position (positive it would be much more comfortable), but I just want to be in bed with Justin. Things I forgot from my first surgery:
1) How badly my collar bone hurts from the gas. It's actually 100% better today. I think the gas must have been what had my back hurting after my first surgery so badly. I don't know if they used less this time, or it was just a shorter surgery, but it seems to have gotten better a lot sooner this time. Anyway, I had forgotten exactly how intense that trapped gas can feel.
2) How 'congested' your lungs feel day 1 after surgery. I'm sure it's from being intubated, but it certainly isn't any fun coughing, and yet that's what you need to do. I still feel like I need to clear my throat/chest quite often today.
3) That even sitting on the toilet hurts the port area. Can't wait for this to get better.
4) How intense the pain is when you roll over in bed. I rolled over 3 times last night, and woke up and psyched myself up before each roll. It's just such an intense pain that it literally makes my mouth water. It's almost immediately better once I'm still again.
5) How absolutely delicious warm tomato soup tastes after 2 days of protein shakes!!
Not meaning to whine, and like I mentioned before I've been able to do ok only using Tylenol, but to say that there is NO pain involved would be innacurate in my case. I know I've read from other people that day 3 was often their worst. Since I've never had an actual 'normal' recovery including the port I feel like this is all new. I do have swelling, but I'm sure that's normal too, even though in the back of my head I had swelling last time and ended up with an infection. What a journey...
Here are some recent pics
My healed 'hole' or 2nd Belly Button! This was taken the morning of my port replacement surgery
Just a couple pictures about 48 hours after my new port was placed. I'm so happy that my Dr. was able to do it with only 2 incisions. Seems to me that the less new openings you have, the less likely to get an infection? Thinking positive here!!
And finally, a picture of me at 202. I can really see a difference in my face, but can't wait until THIS seems like a fat picture of me!! This was taken 48 hours after port replacement surgery as well.
1-20-06
It's been a heck of a week. The last post I wrote was just a couple days after my port replacement surgery. All seemed well, although I mentioned swelling, but didn't know if it was anything to be worried about. By day 4, I could literally cup my port area in my hand it was so swollen. That night, it started to ooze. I had myself a little emotional breakdown and called my Dr. He got back to me and decided that I should probably be admitted and started on IV antibiotics. I was just so shocked. Of course, I knew it could happen, but to have had problems after only 4 short days, when I was still sore from the port replacement surgery was just SO disappointing to me.
He saw me during rounds the next morning and confirmed that it was infected. We had talked the previous night about the possibility of removing the entire band, and he said he really thought I should keep it in. If, in the future I wanted to try a new port, it would be there for me. The next morning, however, he said he'd been giving it a lot of thought, and agreed that at this point it was probably best to go ahead and remove the whole band. Having him on board to remove it all was a big relief to me. We scheduled surgery for 2:30 that afternoon. I asked if I could please have the same Anethesiologist that had done my surgery the week before, do this one as well. It had been my best, quickest recovery (as far as waking up vs feeling groggy for hours) from surgery and I wanted that again if it was available. I was told they would see what they could do. As I was rolled into the OR holding area at 6:30 that night there was a different Anesthesiologis's name above my bed and I was just very sad. About 10 minutes later though, in walks the right one. I was so happy, and felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I don't know why I had such a connection with this Dr., but if I ever have to have surgery again, I will do everything in my power to make sure that he's there. He's even called me at home to check on me. He said I reacted differently during the 2nd surgery and he wasn't sure why. I guess my arm got hives on it and turned bright red. He removed that IV (it was in my hand) and put another one in my other arm. I don't know if there was anything else that happened differently, or unexpectedly during surgery, but I was glad that he chose to share this with me.
When I woke up I hurt worse than I had with any of the other surgeries. I don't know if my body is just tired of all of this or if it's from literally being manipulated internally twice within 5 days, but I actually used pain meds for a couple days. I was able to find one without narcotic side effects, which was a relief as well as I don't ever like not being in control mentally. My Dr. was able to keep the new port hole relatively small, and I have 2 other small incisions. He did, however do something else I wasn't expecting. He removed the scar tissue from my first port infection and stitched the area closed. One of my nurses came today and said it looked excellent and that I should only have a very faint scar from it vs the big divot that I had before. Said that it looked like the work of a plastic surgeon. I have my wound vac back for the wound left by the 2nd port. It's much smaller (measured 4 cm's by 4.8 deep when my nurse measured it 2 days ago) than my first one and I'm very hopeful that my wound vac time will be minimal. I am fortunate to have a wound care specialist in whom I have 100% confidence coming every Friday to take care of it (in addition to other people coming Mon and Wed).
I guess that's my story. I gained 5 lbs eating nothing, and being on IV fluids for the 2 days I was in the hospital. Talk about TOTALLY depressing. I've been home for 3 days now though, and have lost the entire 5 lbs. I hope to continue to losing.
Would I do it again knowing what I know now? Of course not. That being said, I believe the Lapband is an ingenious tool, and that it has the potential to save countless lives by allowing people to take control of their lives/eating and get healthy. I am very sad that it didn't work for me. I'm VERY glad that I have insurance that will cover the multiple surgeries, wound vac, nurses etc, that I've had to have over the last 4+ months. If I were a self pay I would be devistated financially, and yet there's nothing different that I could have done as far as my care. I HAD to have surgery to remove my 1st port. I guess the 2nd port was my choice, and yet it's a necessary part of even HAVING a lapband to have the port. Having my 4th surgery to remove my 2nd port and the band was necessary as well. To all of you looking into surgery. I hope I've not scared you with my journey. My complications are definitely not typical. I don't believe my Dr. could have done anything more than he has to prevent these infections, nor do I think that I did anything wrong. Maybe it'll be one of those things that in the future they will be able to link those of us with problems like mine by some common thread and save others from the same experience that I've had. I'll continue to update, but once I have these wounds healed, my Lapband journey will be over. Of course, I still have 50 lbs that I would like to lose, so my WL journey is still going strong. I weighed in today at 200 even on my scale. That's 43 lbs from my highest just weeks before being banded. 43 lbs gone forever.................. Erin
Here's a picture of my new port 'hole', as well as the incision left after my Dr. removed scar tissue from my old port infection 'hole'.
These jeans were actually tight on me before I was banded. 'Wear them out on a date, get them off as soon as you can afterward' pants. They certainly don't lie...
1-21-06
197 as of this morning!!!! I can hardly believe it. YEAH!!! First time in probably 10 years I've been under 200. Feeling great.
1-23-06
The depression demons are coming on strong :-( Today's a bad day. I got down to 197 (2) days ago and am now 198. Of course, it could be anything, but as nervous as I am about gaining weight back it just sucked to see the number go up even 1 lb. I'm drinking lots of water and just trying to stay busy. I don't know where I fit in right now. I'm not banded anymore, so going to the band message boards, or reading my Bandster Yahoo email just makes me sadder, and yet these places have been 'home' for me for so long. I've been SO consumed with the whole Lapband process for so long that I just don't know what to do now that it's gone. I never would have had surgery if I were able to lose and maintain weight loss on my own, and yet here I sit...alone. I wonder if there's a group somewhere of WLS patients who've had bad outcomes for one reason or another? Just seems like we could be a great support for one another. I don't want to get together and complain, that gets you nowhere ultimately, but to have someone that can relate to what I'm feeling right now would be wonderful. I want to be normal. To not have weight, the Band, hunger, this wound vac, etc consuming my thoughts. Maybe I'll start scrapbooking again? I feel bad for Justin, b/c it seems that all conversations end up returning to me and my weight. I'm still a bit tender from these last surgeries, but maybe exercising will help when I can? I don't know, I'm just feeling lost, alone, and so afraid of sabotaging the weight loss that I HAVE had. It's very easy to tell myself that I've been through hell and cheating once won't hurt. That being said, I would only be more depressed later as the weight is certainly easier to gain than to lose and I wouldn't be doing myself any favors.
Just feeling down today and don't know where else to express myself. It will get better!!!
1-29-06
Sometimes I feel if it weren't for bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all. If it weren't for the incredible support I've gotten from people on this site, as well as lapbandtalk.com, and a couple of friends I think I would throw in the towel. The nurse on Wed last week didn't put enough 'drape' (tape) down under the foam and for 2 days the wound vac was sucking directly on my skin. This left my skin red, raw and blistered looking. It looked bad enough that the nurse on Friday didn't even put the wound vac on, but rather packed it and I have continued to pack it over the weekend. It still looks bad, so I'm thinking that they probably won't be able to put it on tomorrow either. :-( Also, the incision that I have from my Dr. fixing my old port infection scar is draining pus now. No blood in it, just yellow/green colored pus. I'm SOO disappointed that this once healed wound seems to be infected. I will call the Dr.'s office tomorrow and see what they want me to do. I'm afraid that he will probably want to open it in his office and have me pack it. I will update after I talk to them tomorrow.
I can't tell you how much all of your messages mean to me. When I'm feeling my lowest, I read them all...over and over and over. To have this bond with strangers is truly amazing, and is a source of inspiration to me. I do not feel strong right now. I feel as though I've been kicked in the stomach, and everytime I think it's going to be done I see the foot chamber back to kick again. Enough is enough!!! I'm ready to heal up and be 'normal' again, whatever that means. Thank you for caring!!
2/8/06
Well, good news and bad news. Good news first!! I think that the incision from where my Dr. fixed my scar is healed. YEAH!!! I was so worried that it was infected, and am pleased to say that I've not had any drainage out of it for over a week!! YIPEE!!
Bad news...I have a tunnel in my lap band wound. Basically, there's a hole about the size of a Qtip that goes about twice as deep as the bottom of the rest of the wound :-( I'm packing my wound right now to try and prevent the hole from totally closing up. If it does, there will be a hole below healed tissue and that's a problem. The last couple days I've had a fever and everything that comes with it as well as more pain. I'm too scared to call my Dr. which is a real chicken shit way to be, I know!! I have a nurse coming over today and will see what he thinks. I'm still having so much more pain in this wound than I did in my other one that it sucks!! I don't want to think about him cutting through the 'roof' above the pocket (that the tunnel goes to). I just want to get better! One good thing, it's SO nice being off the wound vac. It's been 3 days now. It's nice to be able to wash laundry and not have to worry about it banging into the washer etc. Glad I didn't listen to the PT guy in the hospital who said this wound would be healed up in 2 weeks or so!!! It's been 3 since my surgery, and the depth hasn't decreased significantly at all. OH WELL!!! Thy will be done. Sometimes I forget that! Also, I asked my Dr.'s PA if I could get some sort of a diet pill or something like that to help me. I've gained 4 lbs in the last 3 weeks. I keep thinking about the comforting posts on the board to people who are losing slowly...you didn't gain it overnight. That's right...you gain it a pound at a time, and these 4 lbs have me worried. I do NOT want to gain my weight back. Still waiting for the PA to call me back, but I hope he will prescribe something!!
So, that's my update. One wound healed, one more to go!! We're working on remodeling our kitchen and I'm buying stainless steel appliances. Sometimes, it's the little things that make ya happy, and I have to admit everytime I go into the kitchen I smile and have a peaceful feeling come over me. Can't wait until it's done!!
2-26-06
Just thought I would take a minute and update my profile. Weight gain sucks!!!I've gained 5 lbs since having my band removed. I know I'm eating too much, although still much less than I did before the band. Hunger sucks, which is one reason that the band appealed to me so much. My Dr. started me on Xenical. I obviously haven't noticed a difference as far as weight loss although some days my BM's are TOTALLY different than others. I had to pay cash for it (Insurance doesn't cover it) and it was $215. I don't think I'll be refilling the Rx as I just haven't seen the results to justify the expense. Maybe they can prescribe something else?
I told my nurse last Monday that I would really like to be off the Wound Vac and just start packing my wound. Poof...I'm off the wound vac. I was looking for them to tell me it was best etc, but nobody argued. I guess they feel after so many months on it, I can make that decision!
Anyway, that's my update. I'm gaining, but know what I need to do to lose, it's just hard. I also plan on starting some sort of exercise program. It will be a lot easier without the wound vac. My wound IS looking better. Still pretty deep, but not nearly as wide. I'm sad, but because of my own actions and the weight gain, not b/c of something that's out of my control like the infections. Thanks for taking the time to read if you still are.
3-1-06
Well, good news FINALLY!!! During the 5 weeks that I was on the wound vac the depth of my wound didn't really change much. The outside got smaller, but still pretty deep. Well, after just a little over a week packing it myself, it's about 1/2 of what it was. THANK YOU GOD!!! It's really getting small on the outside too so I've started using the bottom part of the Qtip (wooden end) to get the packing inside. This is so awesome! Hopefully within the next couple weeks or so I won't have any tape, packing, saline, 4X4's etc EVER again! Just thought since I share the bad that I would share the good as well. It's a beautiful day today and I'm going to try and get out for a walk after the kids go home, too. Here are a couple pictures. The first is my itty bitty hole!
And this one shows both of my port wounds/scars. I've got a total of 7 scars playing crisscross with stretch marks. Checkers anyone?! LOL
3-11-06
Just wanted to give a short update. I've managed to lose all of the weight I have gained in the last 2 months over the last week or so. YEAH for me!! It's so nice to be in 'Onederland' again. I was 197 this am, and am hoping for 195 by the end of the week. It really does all come down to self control, which sucks. No one likes being hungry! I promised my kids that I would go swimming with them this summer. I will never have a great body, but I am finally coming to the realization that I have really let my weight control this experience we call life for too long, and have missed out on things I can never experience again as a result. I have never been on an amusement park ride with my kids, b/c I'm afraid of what would happen if they couldn't lock the safety bar (for example). I've never been swimming with them, biking with them etc etc. It's time to start living! I feel like I've wasted the last 15 years. Waiting for the day I'de lose weight and feel comfortable doing these things, but only getting further and further away from them. My kids love me NO MATTER WHAT!! I need to participate in life with them, vs watching!
I went to a Wound Clinic last week. They have me soaking my packing with something called Dakins, now. It's supposed to be similar to Bleach, like you wash your clothes with. It doesn't hurt at all, and they said if I had any bugs in my hole it would help kill them. I THINK I saw the bottom of my hole yesterday. I was so excited. The end is near!! I'm hoping it might be closed up within a week or so. I will, of course, keep you all updated! :-)
3-18-06
Can you say 196!!!!!!!!!! I'm so happy!! I've lost 8 lbs in 2 weeks. I was at 197 for 3 days and it kinda sucked to be eating right, and not see the scale move, but I didn't cheat. Anyway, I'm happy, and on the losing side again!!
4-5-06
Well, I'm at 194.2! Only 1 lb away from a 50 lb loss!! YEAH!! I've accepted that it's OK to be at the same weight for a few days even eating right. Much better to be the same with slow loss rather than gaining. It used to put me in a tail spin to be at the same weight even though I was eating so much less, and I would end up binging, which really only makes it worse! I feel pretty optimistic right now though, and have been doing really well for about a month. We're buying a tredmill this weekend, and I'm hoping that using it on a regular basis will help me as well. I drink so much Crystal Light that I feel like I probably pee 'orange' drink!! As I read back over my profile, it probably sounds goofy to some to be happy about losing a whopping 2 lbs in 2 weeks, but at this point each lb in the right direction is a victory. I will get down to 193! Then, I will only have to lose another 4 lbs to be in the 180's...little achievable goals.
My hole is pretty much the same as it was 3 weeks ago :-( Still about 2 cm's deep, and only as wide as a qtip. It's frustrating b/c it's just so close to being healed up, and yet this last little bit has hung on forever. I went to the Wound Clinic again last week and they took me off the Dakins, and said to start changing my dressing 1 time/day vs 2. I haven't noticed any significant change since then, except that the last 2 days when I take the gauze out I've started having blood/fluid actually drip down my tummy. Don't know what's up with that. I'll probably go in again this week and see what they think. Just want this part of the whole process to be OVER ALREADY!! Good thing though, it doesn't hurt at all. 99% of the time, I forget it's even there, which you could never do with the wound vac. So, to say it's changing or really even effecting my life would be wrong. It's just more of a nuisance. I hope I'm not being too cavalier about it, it's just been a long time, KWIM?
So, that's my update. My spirits are good, I AM still losing weight, my hole, while not really getting smaller, isn't getting BIGGER, um...I guess that's it. Thank you for taking the time to read my 'book'! Erin
4-10-06
YEAH!!!! Down 50 lbs as of 2 days ago!! Unlike a lot of dieters, I've never lost this much weight before, so I'm definitely in unchartered territory!! I feel great though, and am so proud of myself. It really is a lifestyle change, but even more than that is the psychological aspect. I've learned that it's OK to have a treat. It's not the end of the world. Instead, enjoy what you're eating, vs feeling like you've fallen off the wagon and giving up. My original goal was 150'ish, so another 35 lbs or so. It IS doable, even if it's been tougher and taken longer than I had first thought. This is for the rest of my life, and I WILL do this!!!
This is a picture taken of me yesterday at 193. The sweater is a 16, but is obviously too big!! Another YEAH!!!
4-11-06
192.4!!!! YIPEE!!! Maybe I'll be off a plateau for a few days?! 3 lbs until I'm in the 180's!! I think it's been about 10 years for me.
5-2-06
I'm finally ALL HEALED!!! No more holes! After almost 8 months of treating one wound or another, I'm done!! We went camping over the weekend, and it was SO nice not to have to worry about keeping my wound clean, and packing. I've been at 190 for about a week now. I'm really enjoying looking for new spring clothes. I find myself gravitating still towards the 'big' sections of the store, but things are honestly just too big there. I'm wearing a 14 shirt. I think I could wear one a lot smaller shirt, except for all the extra skin I have in my abdomin. I know as I continue to lose weight it will get smaller, but I know that unless I have surgery to remove it, I will always have extra skin hanging on my stomach. Kind of sucks, but would rather have it a bit saggy vs full of fat! Size 16 in pants. I got a new haircut/color over the weekend, and I really like it. I was ready for the change. So, I guess that's my update at this point. I'll probably go to Dr. Sasse one more time just to check in and let him see how I'm doing. I'm just so happy to have not only lost 53 lbs (would like to lose another 30-40 or so) but to finally be healed and healthy!! Thank you for taking the time to read my journey. It means a lot to me when I get emails from virtual strangers that have read through my profile. I don't mean to scare anyone, only to