rachel A.

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elsa W. 20 years, 7 months ago

rachel, good luck to you on you uneventful surgery, you are in my prayers. huggs elsa

Naes Wls J. 20 years, 7 months ago

<b>Good morning Rachel, I never had back pain at 400 lbs either. but as soon as I started losing lbs. I started having back pain, I think it was because of my hanging stomach. I asked my doctor about it and he agreed also. so he told me to wear a girdle. I did and it helped big times. hang in there and take care**Hugs**</b>

midlifestu 20 years, 7 months ago

Hi Rachel, I wish I could help more on your back pain problem. I have a bad back which really didn't bother me much either when I was over 300 lbs. I find now that I am 276, my back occasionally goes into spasms if I do too much or if I am stressed out about things. Of course, you don't have a prior history of back difficulties so your best bet is to give your doctor a call. I hope it's nothing serious for you! HUGS!

Katherine H. 20 years, 7 months ago

I'm so happy your husband has agreed to counseling....I'm glad you are sticking it out. Congrats on your weight loss and commitment to others who are wanting to change their lives just as you did. May you always be such a shining example.

catleth 20 years, 8 months ago

Hi Rachel, i am sorry about your husband being so difficult. There really is no excuse for his belittling you. Please do not let him sabotage your hard work and effort! You can choose how you want to live your life. He will either learn to accept the new and improved you or he won't. Please do not take abuse emotional or othewise. I will pray that he will see his error and his own self esteem will allow you your success. After all you are doing it to improve things with him too, right? God bless you, Cathy

Katherine H. 20 years, 8 months ago

I am so sorry to hear how your husband is treating you. I think the other posters have hit the nail on the head by saying that he has some esteem/security issues. Perhaps that was encompassed when he said that you were going to be "whore" when you got thin. Obviously, he has security in your weight. Perhaps he doesn't feel threatened by other men. The fact that he was nice prior to your decision (am I right/wrong here?) sounds like he's scared. Therapy is a wonderful, wonderful thing. Both my husband and I go....separate issues, though. But if he won't go, he won't go. That doesn't mean that you can't. Tell your husband that you love him, through thick and thin (no pun intended) and that his words hurt you-but they won't destroy you. And about not exercising, drinking and eating like you should........slowing your losing process down is giving him more power. Stick to it!!! You are strong!!!! I know I don't have a lot of clout yet in the WLS (I'm just beginning to do all my pre-op testing this week) but when it comes to the matters of the heart.......well, we've all been there. :) My prayers are with you.

1800Bev 20 years, 8 months ago

Rachel, so sorry sweetie that your husband is not suportive, sounds like he has his own issues to deal with. I pray you are able to loose all the weight you desire and this problem in your relationship is soon resolved. I've enclosed a big phat cyber (((HUG))) just for you.

Amy R. 20 years, 8 months ago

Rachel, Do not take that crap from him. He is obviously used to being in control and is now realizing that he doesn't come first. Therefore he wants to put you back to the place you were before you began losing----focused on him. I can dish out advice to you and tell you leave him, leave him, leave him, but only you can make that decision. I am not in your shoes, although I have been through a lot with my husband. He had some problems with alcohol and finally started seeing a therapist when I threw him out. Through all of this, he never, never, belittled me--ever. My best advice to you is look at your life now and how he is treating you. Then decide if you will regret staying with him 20 years from now. If you will wake up one day and say to yourself: I have wasted all of these years with this person--Why?? Don't waste your life. We only have so many years on this earth and it is not worth wasting on a deadbeat who has such low self esteem and so little love for you that he wants to keep you in a pit, hating yourself so that he can feel better about himself. That isn't love. He is obviously dependant on you for his self esteem. I'm not going to tell you to leave him, I am, however, going to ask you to examine your life and ask yourself if he is worth it.

B R. 20 years, 8 months ago

WHAT AN UNCARING SELFISH, SELF CENTERED IDIOT! NOW THAT IS OFF MY CHEST.. I AM SORRY BUT OBVIOUSLY YOUR HUSBAND HAS NEVER HAD TO DEAL WITH THE SELF ESTEEM ISSUES THAT WE AS OBESE PEOPLE DO. YOU HAD ENOUGH COURAGE, FAITH AND STRENGTH TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF AND GET YOUR LIFE BACK. USE THOSE SAME ISSUES AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS. CONTINUE TO HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF BECAUSE REMEMBER WHEN EVERYONE ELSE IS GONE YOU ARE ALL YOU HAVE. IF HE CHOOSES TO CONTINUE TO BE A BUTT, LET HIM. HE'S ONLY JEALOUS THAT YOU FOUND THE STRENGTH TO MAKE CHANGES IN YOUR LIFE THAT WERE NEEDED AND HE PROBABLY FEELS THAT YOU ARE STRONGER THAN HE IS NOW IS SO MANY WAYS. MY HAT IS OFF TO YOU AND REMEMBER "YOU ARE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND" LOVE YA AND SO PROUD TOO!!!!!! (P.S. GET A LIFE HUBBY!)

Peg L 20 years, 8 months ago

Rachel, I am sorry your husband is having such terrible issues steming from your surgery....As difficult as it may be to do, you may want to suggest professional counseling...Now, believe me I know most men cringe at the thought, but its worth a try, and if he won't go with you, by all means seek it out for yourself. Obese or not you deserve his respect. You are a strong, wonderful and beautiful woman (aren't we all??!) and we have spent too much of our lives living in the shadows, and settling for what ever hand outs someone would give us emotionally. If he truly loves you, he will listen when you tell him how deeply his comments hurt. Best of luck Congrats on your wonderful progress lap rny 4/9/03 311/222/-89