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Well I went to the Dr. on Wednesday - he wants me to have an ultrasound of my gallbladder - and then a choleangiogram.  Hopefully we will be able to find out what is going on!  I made my appts. for when I get back from my vacation - so I will just have to hang in there a little longer.  I will keep you posted as to what happens as it happens!!

well I have been having this pain in my abdomen (right around where my port is)  for a little over a week.  I called my surgeon's office and they didn't seem very interested in it - they moved my appointment up 1 day (woohoo).  It seems to get worse when I eat, and sometimes wakes me up from my sleep.  I'm not sure what's going on - but I know that something is not right!  I am leaving on Sunday (the 4th) for Florida and I am NOT going to let whatever this is stop me - I have been looking forward to this trip for months!!!  I have not told my parents about this snag because I don't want my mom to worry.  I have only told a couple of my good friends - I am hoping it is going to turn out to be nothing - but I keep thinking about the things that it could be - like band slippage, or my port coming unattached! (kinda makes me a little nervous!)  Anyways today I go back to work and weigh in - so I will find out if I've reached my first mini goal yet!!  Scary yet exciting!!!  I went to my dad's retirement party on Saturday - I was unsure when I went if I would drink or not - but the whole night the only thing I drank was Propel - so I was pretty proud of myself!!!  I guess that's it for now - My appointment is on Wednesday - I'll keep you posted!! (Like anyone is reading my blogs!!!!!)

Well - it's official - as of 4:00am I am officially down 35 pounds!!   WOOOOHOOOO!!!  What a relief!!  I have been so scared to step on the scales - but I decided that come hell or high water I was gonna check my progress this morning.  So - when I went on my morning chart delivery run I stopped in the outpatient surgery area and stepped on the scales.  I am only 8 pounds away from 275 - that was my first little goal!!!  My faith in myself has been renewed (a little)  and I am on top of the world right now!!!  All I have to do is hang in there and I will reach that first milestone of 275!!!!!!!

I am so disgusted w/myself I weighed myself yesterday and I have gained back a few of the pounds that I had shed!!!  I am not happy at all - what am I doing!?!  I need to regain my perspective here and start taking care of business!!  I cannot let this beat me - if I do then I deserve everything that comes as a result!!  I feel like a total loser (and totally not in a good way!!).  My friends tell me I just need to relax - but I think my problem is that I have relaxed too much!  I think I need to scale back closer to the beginning again - and hopefully the fill that I am having done in 2 days will help!!  I feel so ashamed that I have gained weight AGAIN!!!   I need to go to bed!

I am 4 days away from my first fill and I am scared to death!!  I think I am scared of complications, but I am more scared that I am going to fail at this too!!  I have been trying all my life to lose weight and have always failed - and so I guess I am figuring that I may fail at this one too!!  I am 2 months postop and I have lost some weight but I have not seriously started exercising yet and my appetite is back full force!  I have a horrible sweet tooth and even though I have been doing a pretty good job keeping it in check thus far - I have a history of absolutely NO willpower and so I am soooo afraid that it is just a matter of time until the urge to splurge wins out over my new choose to lose lifestyle!!  What is going to happen if I fail at this too - then everyone will know that even surgery couldn't help this terminally fat girl!!!  I feel like such a loser (and not in a good way!!).  So much is riding on my succeeding - I am under soo much pressure to make this work that it just makes me want to eat to forget how much pressure I'm under!!!!  I guess time will tell if I'm gonna fail or succeed.