TG for Support Groups

Mar 18, 2009

Last night I went to Dr. Smith's support group. though it is such a pain to go when my hubby has softball I am usually ALWAYS happy that I went. Though I only told them that something traumatic happened yesterday, I got a good suggestion to call a hospital here to inquire about grief support groups. Everybody is just so nice and caring.  I missed my band buddy Aida. Ihope she is fine b/c she wasn't there when we had made a date last Thursday. I know she cares for her ailing parents and such.

The number one advice from everyone is to give myself time to grieve. What does that mean? HOw do you do that? Does that mean I stay home x number of days and weap. Does that mean we have a 'memorial' type service for the unborn child? Does that mean I don't worry about the future awhile? Do I go to a support group and talk about it? I have no idea.  I have cried some. I hurt alot.

I put getting a fill and checking my band off for 6 mths b/c I couldn't get in those couple of days during my cycle. As a result I had very little weight loss the last 6 mths. I need to make another appt but I've been having trouble. After the food seems to get down the band it seems to swell or something and it feels like i need to get sick but I don't. I need to ask Susie what's the deal cause it could be from the surgery last Friday.

I was going to announce my preg to my group last night so that was sad knowing I had planned to do that.  I spent the time before the meeting in Dallas with my daughter and mom at the arboretum. She had fun but it was hard...lots of preggo folks there.

I've been invited to a bbq Saturday that'll be hard too. My friend who is one month ahead of what we would be is going to be there. I know there'll be a lot of congratulating her and talking about it.  That may be really hard for me.

I'm eating a lot of junk to drown my sorrows and that was what I talked about at group. How I'd do that before and now it is really hard to do it.  I have a little more of a shelf or tire around my lower stomach since I did grow some while pregnant. 

I half smiled half cried as i logged two journals are so ago how I would focus on my wl and not getting pregnant and bam it happened then this.  So I guess I will focus back on the wl.  I want to lose at least 20 more lbs. THese gals that started bigger than about my size now have lost over 100 lbs and had surgery 2 mths after me.  I need to start excercising again. I know that will help me feel better just period. 

I still haven't decided to tell my family and closer friends yet.  I am glad I have something to keep me busy during 'free' time. I am the coordinator for a fundraising event for my moms group.

All I seem to want to do is think about trying again. If I got preg this month, alexus would be this far apart..and on and on. Should not do that.  I will pray more that God will help me through this. So much harder than I could ever imagine. 

I half way wanted to quit my job for the new baby to have the time with him/her that I missed out with Alexus b/c I worked so much her first 18ths.  Will I ever get that? All these plans we were going to not do and it was a good thing b/c of it I think about.  We talked about going to Bill's reunion in Oct now we can. We talked about him going to Vietnam and now he can in Oct. We talked about getting our flex reimbursement back due to change in dependents before year end. It goes on and on. 
Let's look at my wl now. I am 75 lbs down. I am definitely in a misses size 16 some 14 (they are tight around tummy of course). From a 22/24! I can wear things that I wore when I got married. That should be such a good reason to celebrate.

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