ammelha

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Christmas is 5 days away and the all of the tempting holiday sweets are hard to resist! My rule is to taste everything and eat nothing but I do cheat. We went to visit my girlfriend's mom and stepdad in VA this weekend. Her mom is a true southern cook. Everything is delicious but grease-laden, fried, sugared, etc. She hadn't seen me in almost 4 months so she was shocked which was nice, but she had a really hard time accepting what I consider a portion and what I can and cannot eat. I ate half a potato pancake (fried) at breakfast one morning, and got my first case of textbook dumping. In the past, I would get extremely tired and slightly nauseous  if I ate too many carbs or sugars, but this was different. My heart began to race and I felt sick to my stomach. I went upstairs and felt like I was having a heart attack. My girlfriend encouraged me to vomit. I did and felt better. It was the first time Ive vomited since surgery and hardly anything came up but I got a lot of relief from it and realized fried food is a definite NO for me. 

Anyway, I am trying to stay away from baking and indulging. The weight is slooooowly coming off now at about 1lb. per week which is fine with me. Not doing what I am supposed to be doing in terms of protein intake and my gym attendance is at a zero. Looking forward to the new year to get back on track.

 Each day that passes I become more aware of my true self and more grateful for my blessings. I have lost a significant amount of weight. With each pound shed, I feel like layers of a former false self are shed, too. On Sept 22nd, Ill have one year free of alcohol and relapse from narcotics. I am proud, but aware of what more work I need to do. Progress not perfection. I am in a beautiful new home, in a loving, committed relationship, I am gainfully employed, and am a devoted member of NA. I am also a real friend today. I have my family in my life even if from afar. I am excited to see them again, especially now with the weight loss, I know they will be proud of me. 

I am a size 16 in jeans. This was my goal size and Ive reached it in just 5 months. I cant imagine losing anymore weight but I know it is inevitable and I am ready for a continuation of a healthier me! I feel beautiful and young again. I am even growing my hair out. Yes, it continues to thin, but I got it cut today and my hairdresser said it is thinning more evenly without bald or thin patches. Can I say it again? I FEEL BEAUTIFUL.

Thank you God and to all who have supported me on this journey directly and indirectly. I am so grateful.

 Its been over 3 months since surgery. I feel amazing and its cliche to say this but my life has changed dramatically for the better. I am down over 60 pounds and couldnt be happier. 

Doing activities as simple as chores or walking back to my car in the hot sun after I left my cell phone in the car, have become so much easier to accomplish. Its a beautiful thing and I have been feeling more beautiful again, too. Now THAT is priceless!!

The positive comments are awesome because they keep me motivated. I try new recipes weekly from theworldaccordingtoeggface blog. 

The only negatives right now are the loss of hair which seems to be more and more everyday. I met someone who recommended Silica pills in addition to the Biotin I take everyday. I also take 6 multivitamins daily from bariatricadvantage.com and 3 calcium chews. 

Cleared my one-month post-op date with flying colors. Have been eating soft foods now, even chicken and especially veggies. Cheated here and there with chicken broth and pastina. (sodium+carbs is a no-no) However, the weight continues to drop and I am looking forward to an active weekend. Visiting one of my favorite cities: Alexandria, VA for some shopping, Moroccan food (baby steps though), and a hotel suite. Celebrating our one-year anniversary and so happy about it!

I am noticing some hair loss, but I cant tell if its from the surgery or what is normal from time to time with me. I am definitely not getting in enough protein so I need to work on that.

I attend two different bariatric support groups and am throwing in a third that meets next week for good measure. I also have a nutritionist/registered dietician. NA meetings are a must and I attend those at a minimum of 3 per week.

How boring does this all sound?? The best part is that Ive lost almost 40 lbs and bought some new clothes at Old Navy yesterday. It seems Im down to a size 20 from a 22 and am an XL in shirts instead of 2XL.

I love my life.

Two days ago I found myself isolating in my room. I began to cry, no, sob, over my frustrations, regret, self-hatred, feeling sorry for myself all the while. Previously that day, I started a fight with my girlfriend, causing her to feel the same pain I was. I felt sad; she has been there for me the most throughout this entire journey but I took all of my anger out on her just so someone else could feel crazy like me. Since that time, I have been to 3 different support groups and received a post-weight loss cookbook in the mail. Things started to look up. Now the only frustrations I had in the last few days were work-related and not surgery-related.

I think I am getting used to this now.  I am eating different foods and will be taking protein in different ways. This should add a diversion to my routine that I have come to know and loathe the past 3 weeks. Tuesday will be one month post-op.

I know I probably shouldnt, but today Im trying chicken broth (fat free and low sodium) with some pastina. Im 2 weeks post-op and cant WAIT to start fruit smoothies with some protein powder in it and other things. Next week I can have crackers and tuna with low-fat mayo according to my diet progression plan. Have my first post-op nutritionist appt. on Wed. Eager to ask lots of questions.  

Today was my first day back at work after being out for two weeks for the surgery. Everyone noticed a change so I am pretty happy about that. However, I am not as happy as thought I would be. I am seeking counseling for eating disorders so as to effectively manage these feelings I am having: deprived, helpless, uncertain, and hungry! But am I really hungry or am I feeling hungry emotionally? I dont know.