Angela N.
I guess I will start at the begining just know this is going to be the hardest part of the process for me I have never really talked about this much especially not with strangers...
I was 3 years old when I began getting sexually abused by my grandfather (my dad's side) it always seemed to happen in the night he would come out to go to the bathroom and then start messing with me(I later found out it was happening to several people in my family) I kept this aweful secret until i was in the 5th grade and one day at school we were watching this movie about good and bad touches and it all came crashing down around me I couldn't breathe or move I was terrified like it had just happened to me my school counsoler took me to here office and we talked for a long time she was the one that called the police the next day they talked to me and then went and talked to my parents when i got home I knew something was up because my dad wouldn't look at me and my mom was crying all my dad said was sorry he didn't stop it and if i need to talk my mom was there. So i told my mom everything and I don't know if she ever told my dad or not but I do know he never looked at me the same. The police talked to my grandparents and my grandfather basically got a slap on the wrist and a don't do it again(supposedly due to his age) so my grandma moved my grandpa and herself to Az so he wouldn't be near the grand kids. Five years later my dad committed suicide the letter he left just said something about him feeling guilty about not stopping my grandfather when he was younger. So in my eyes for years I blamed myself for telling on my grandfather (I know now it wasn't my fault). Just over a year before my dad died I was raped and that sent me into a spiral of extremely bad choices, I felt like the only thing i was good for was sexually gratifying men and so that is what i did, one after another I got into drugs and partyed ALL the time I was married to 3 very abusive men (because that is what i thought i deserved then after my 3rd husband went to jail I hit rock bottom I was at the end of my road and ready to end my life. Then I met Richard my husband now and he changed my life he is why I didn't end my life, he didn't know at the time how bad things were for me, we sat and talked for 4 hours then went and got dinner and talked for another few hours then we went to our motel (we were both truck drivers stuck at our company terminal for repairs) we talked until 3 or 4 in the morning I had never met anyone like him so sweet and kind it was like we were meant to meet. 2 months later we were driving together and a month later we moved in togetherthat was 2001 we got married in 2004 1 month b4 our 1st son was born, we now have 3 boys 4,3,1. I have been through alot in my life and my weight has always been a security blanket and now in the past 3-4 yrs i realized that no amount of weight can shelter you from harm it is what you do to deal that matters and i am ready to shed these pounds and see what the new me has in store!!!!
