So Emotional with less that 24 hours to go!

Jun 23, 2009

I never realized how emotional this ordeal would be.  I started crying last night and didn't stop until I fell asleep.  My 12 year old daughter kept asking what was wrong and I really couldn't give her an answer.  I just simply felt like crying.  My wonderful husband then told her that it was because yesterday was the last time that I would ever be able to eat anything without checking to make sure that it was OK for me to have or worry about it making me sick.  He was right.  It sounds way to simple but in reality how many of us go to a restaurant and ask to see the ingredient list or the nutritional value of the meal?  I know I never have.  How many of us check out the size of a pill before we take it?  This is a decision that I have made for me to be able to live a healthier life, but there is a bit of regret that says why couldn't I have lost the weight myself?  Why do I have to have a major surgery in order to be thinner?  Deep down I know that my doc had told me that it didn't matter what I tried at this point, that due to my metabolic disorder I would never be able to loose a mass amount of weight on my own.  Please don't get me wrong, I have eaten my fair share of McDonald's and donuts but for the most part I do not eat a lot of Junk Food.    But when my husband made that comment it really dawned on me how right he was.  In the past I have just not given that much thought into my food.  If we went on vacation I did not worry if I could find foods that I could eat.  I only worried if they would have foods that I like.  So moving on...............I am looking forward to my pudding filled lunch as pudding is a food in the past I have gone years without eating so it will be a treat.  I am not looking forward to my Jello dinner.  I have rented a movie to watch with my son.  I figure I will go home, take a sleeping pill, take my anti-bacterial shower and eat my Jello while I watch the movie.  I should be asleep as soon as it is over.  I hope I sleep!  I will really need it.  Kind of funny how the last time I was in the hospital I didn't get any rest because I had just given birth.  Now going into the hospital I was informed that I will be woke up every 2 hours to walk.  I at leat got 3 hours sleep when I had my baby!
 I will need to be up around 4 am to take another anti-bacterial shower and then off to the hospital to be there by 6 am.  Next time I get on here I will be out of surgery and on my way down the WLS road! 

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