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Every year my husband and I take a trip to Linton, Indiana for the 4th of July. I have been to many cities that celebrate our nations great history but I have never seen anything like this. Every year the week of the 4th of July the town citizens make it into a big deal. An example, is during that week they have a carnival, parades, flea markets and tons of celebrating. Now to understand the big deal is that Linton, Indiana is a very small city. It holds less than 10,000 people. And that is really pushing it. They may have less than 5,000. I really don't know because I wasn't raised there like my husband. But it is a huge celebration. This small town has many people that come from other parts of the nation just to celebrate the 4th of July. On that day every year the Blue Angels fly above are heads as the parade begins. This parade can last 2-3 hours. It's filled with floats and bands from the local schools. It's truly a remarkable event. My husband comes from a big family and some of the family lives in Tennessee, Illinois and like me and my husband from Indianapolis. We all pile into a car and heads towards Linton. Now in this small town there are 2 hotels. And usually during that time the hotels are booked with carnival people. And they are also very small hotels. Therefore, they are usually booked every year. So when all the family gets together for that week to celebrate our Independence Day we all stay with different family members and sleep on air mattresses, couches and anywhere that we can.

Knowing that this 4th of July is different we all will load up our cars and head towards Linton. This 4th of July is different this year. Even tho we are celebrating our nations independence we all feel the void of what the last year has brought to us. You see my father in law passed away last September and I almost lost my father in May. My father in law passed away due to congested heart failure. Being a RN I knew that last year he wouldn't make it to another 4th. I believe he knew too. He was very adamant that everyone be there last year. Also my father almost died in May. He was at the doctor's office with my brother in law for his usual appointment for his back pain and in the lobby of the doctor's office he has another heart attack. When my father was 42 years old he had his 1st  heart attack. He has also been fighting with congested heart failure for years. When he had the heart attack in May they needed to perform Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation (CPR) and defribillation (shock) 6 times. I believe my father had a guardian angel with him for him to survive the kind of heart attack he did. My mother passed away in 2004 and I believe it was her that was with him. Needless to say all of this has kinda hit home. With my father having his 1st attack at 42 I can't help but wonder if I am next. Last year in August I turned 41. I took a look at myself in the mirror and realized that  I needed to make some changes. Therefore, my weight lost journey began.

So here it is 4th of July is this weekend and as a family we are all heading to Linton to celebrate not only our Independence Day. But to celebrate that we have survived another year. Of course there will be tons of food and tons of celebrating but I can't help but think about Homer (father in law) and the suffering he went through and the suffering my father has been through. I know that some people have the WLS to look better and may have been told that if they didn't have it they may not make it another year. When I began the weight loss journey I wanted to lose the weight for my health and now I know I need it. And while everyone else is having their cotton candy, pies, hamburgers, chips, donuts and homemade goodies I will be drinking my protein shakes and smile. Because I know they are enjoying their goodies and I can enjoy my life.

Not much has changed.  I have lost a few pounds since my last post but I haven't been able to go to the gym yet. The doctor cut out all my fish intake cuz that was when I was usually throwing up. So Dr. Mattar told me to wait on the fish for a month and then start again. However, I still haven't ate it except 1 time and that was in sushi. I still get nauseated but it isn't daily now. I have seen my neurologist and they have started me on narcotics which has slowed me down. But of course the migraines are still happening pretty frequently. About every other day. which has been hindering me from going to the gym or to do anything else. I still haven't gone back to work. The Neurologist has agreed with the plan of not returning to work till the Fall. I am hoping that I will have healed by then. I have been off work now for 7 months which is an eternity. It's so depressing staying in a dark room sometimes with an ice pack on my head day after day. I am so sick of this crap. I want to get healthy and stay there. I know the one thing that is suppose to help me is weight loss. Well, you don't lose weight as quickly when your are not exercising. Right after the surgery it came off quickly. I have got to do something. Everyday, I wake up saying this is the day that I will go to the gym and then after about 15 minutes the pain kicks in and then I want to crawl back in bed and pull the covers over my head. I get no sun. And my vitamin D was so low in my blood that I need to take supplements on top of the multivitamin, calcium citrate, iron for my low iron. I know whine whine whine. Sorry, it will get better. And yes, that is what I keep telling myself. : ) Keeping it real for now.

Sorry, I haven't been on in a long time. I got really sick in December. I was admitted into the hospital for an intractable migraine headache. After the MRI they found out that I had a Pseudo Tumor Cebri. So everything got put on hold. Even my job was put on hold. I have been off work since Thanksgiving 2010. With it being April that is a lifetime for a nurse. Luckily, my husband has continued working. I was able to get on short term disability through my work.

However, I was able to have my surgery on 02/15/2011. My condition is part of being obese and in child bearing years. Therefore my surgery went from elective to necessary. I was so overloaded with fluid that when I left the hospital I went up to 255 lbs. However, immediately I started losing the weight about 2-4 lbs a day. And then after about 1 month it started to slow way down. But at least I am still losing. Some days are harder than others. I still tend to throw up about once a week. And I get nausea even more often. Sometimes I am constipated and sometimes my bowels will go and go. I still don't belch very much and I basically eat what I want which is still a problem. I want it to be a little more difficult. I don't eat as much but I can eat whatever I want. So I need to start finding recipes that I can cook that won't hurt me.

I have joined a local gym called Planet Fitness. I am really excited to get started on my exercise routine. I haven't been able to yet because I haven't been cleared by the doctor yet. I have an appointment in the morning and if everything goes ok I wll be able to start tomorrow. I still have lots of problems with headaches but I know that the more weight I lose the better things will get. My husband and I have already discussed that I am going to take the next few months off from work. Maybe till September. I want to concentrate all of my efforts to get well. 

I am also wondering if anyone who reads this have recipe suggestions. I would love to have new ideas. I hope everyone is having a blessed Sunday. God Bless.

After having a great week last week of course I am currently having issues today.  On Monday I weighed myself at 231 lbs. Which is awesome. And then today 2 days later I am at 235 lbs. Grant you I have had a migraine 3 days running, and I haven't exercised since last week because I have been sick, and I have been eating oatmeal, and drinking a ton of pepsi-caffeine free. It's the only things that tastes good. I am hoping it is just water weigth. It's hard to tell. I had a hysterectomy in 1997 and have been unable to tell when my hormones are acting up.I hope that is all it is. The good news is today I received a phone call from Courtney at Dr. Mattar's office. Courtney stated that they are sending my paperwork to Clarian North Hospital and someone will be in-touch with me in the next week to discuss pre-op testing. I am curious as to what it entails. I figure probably blood and an EKG. I am going to research and find out what it entails. Courtney also stated that if everything goes according to plan that I would be schedule in the first part of December. WOW..that is so awesome. I didn't get to go last night to the cooking class with Nessa. But I hoping to go next month. If everything works out it will be the best Christmas present for myself ever. 

Had a big week at the Bariatric Center. On Monday I had my 2 hour psych eval. Wasn't too bad. Which really surprised me. I was completely honest with him and he said he had wished all his patient's were like me. Made me feel really good. I was really nervous about the psych eval. And then today I had my first diet class. Pretty interesting. However they weighed me and they said I was doing really good. I know they probably tell everyone that but I have lost 12 pounds in a months time. Just 8 pounds to go. My diet still sucks. I have to go grocery shopping and get back on track. However, I am excercising at the gym nearly everyday. I am walking on a treadmill. Plus I have been doing cruches on the ball. It's not very much but I think it is a good start to kick things more in gear. I still haven't started journaling yet but I know I will do it. Plus I am trying to finish up not drinking soft drinks anymore. Even if it is caffeine free and only 1 a day or  every other day. It's time to give it up. However, I was sick yesterday and I tried to focus on clear liquids. Luckily with the extra euchanasia that I took it is all gone. I am feeling better. I know that I will get there before my third visit. Dr. Mattar decided to have my 3rd visit at the next diet class instead of seeing him. That kinda surprised me but I don't really have any questions. So maybe he decided I didn't need to see him again. This Tuesday they are having 1 of the dieticians teach a cooking class which I think would be alot of fun. I even convinced my husband to go. I have been pretty faithful in taking my vitamins except for yesterday and today. Since my throat was bothering me it was hard to even swallow water. However, I had my hot green tea and I think it helped me feel better. I have noticed here lately that my back hurts all the time now. I know my posture is bad but gosh. It's turning cold here in Indianapolis so walking outside will be out of the question. Luckily for me I belong to the hospital's gym. Hope everyone is reaching their goals..

Well, my major set back has continued. Yes I have lost 10 pounds but I am still being bad. However, I started excercising yesterday but didn't today. So I am hoping that when I get up in the morning that I can do it again. I have got to get the next 10 pounds off.  I am proud of what I have accomplished so far but I am more determined than that. I have given up all caffeine. Which was really scary for me.  I just have had so much going on that it's hard to sometimes do this to. My step-daughter got married on 10/10/10. Which is kinda cool. However, my husband and I decided to drive to Washington D.C. from Indianapolis and usually I snack during the drive. It aways keeps me awake. Which gets me to thinking that's why I started eating unhealthy to begin with. I use to work night shift for many years and I would snack to stay awake. Can't have a nurse fall asleep. So I would drink my Pepsi and snack. Hence the beginning of the Yuck phase. I think that is when the eating habits got so bad.  When I went to day shift then there was never anytime to eat. You would usually try to grab a quick bite inbetween cases. Hardly had time to use the bathroom let alone anything else. Now I work in an office. My body doesn't know how to react. So I think that was when I originally lost 6 pounds, in the beginning,  not only did it come back but it decided to add a couple pounds with it. But now with the liver reduction diet it's amazing. I get excited to step on the scale. Even when I had my really bad major set backs I didn't gain but a pound. And now I have lost it and a couple more. I am also getting on tons of websites that talk about the good, bad and ugly about the weight loss. But I just want to be healthy again. I don't want to die at 42 because of a heart attack or 59 like my mother. I really want to see all 50 states of the union. And enjoy all the please that this world has to offer. Isn't that why we are all here? To really enjoy life? I am.

Ok...Let me start...the beginning of the week I was doing great. I had lost 7 pounds and I was well on my way to the 20 pounds I needed before November 15. Except that Monday was my last day of class for the 5 weeks and we had a party. It was the last day that my fellow students would be together. We only have one class to go and we will have completed our BSN. And after all these years in school it feels great. So Monday I gave myself permission to have 1 cupcake and then it turned into a piece of cake. Tuesday I had worked till 9:00 pm and on the way home from work I stopped at Burger King. Yes I took off 1 side of the bun but I still had about 15 french fries. Wednesday I went to a seminar and all they had was JUNK!!! I was starting to get desperate. Luckily, lunch that day I had salad and only a couple of thin sliced lunch meat with water. But that afternoon they had ICE CREAM. I was dying. I was ready to take that whole big 5 gallon bucket of Blue B--- Ice cream and eat the whole thing with the fresh toppings that they had all around. And then that night I felt really guilty but I guess not guilty enough for today. I started out pretty good. I had about a cup of scrambled eggs and then a couple of strips of bacon and then for lunch I had a salad (no dressing) and a cup of beef barley soup that I only drank the juice out of. But then tonight instead of coming home and really eating like I am suppose to we had Burger King again. Yes I ate as much as Tuesday night and instead of just stopping. I ate one of the cookie dough pies. I feel terrible. I know that I can do better than that. Mike and I are heading to Virginia on a road trip to see his daughter get married. We are really excited. We already have plans on taking healthy snack for the trip and bringing some of our own food so we don't eat junk. I think he is wanting to do some sight seeing as well so I know we will be doing alot of walking. It's so crazy. I can't believe how 1 week I am doing so well and then in 1 snap it hits me all at once. What an addiction I have. I never realize that I had an addiction to food until now. I know that I am over weight and I kept telling myself that I usually ate the right thing but not I realize I can be talked into any junk. And I have to stop it. I have to quit letting it call my name when I get tired. It is so easy to stop at the local fast food to get food when you have worked 12 hours. But to really realize it was a choice. Not a have to. I can't wait for the day of when I can gain control of this terrible addiction to food. I have my first support meeting on Tuesday and I am not missing that for all the french fries in Burger King. I have a long way to go....

It's hard to believe that I have been on the liver reduction diet for 6 days. The first couple of days were bad. I craved everything. Now its better. It's not so bad. The cravings are better. And I only had 1 major slip up. Yesterday at the movies I ate about 2 cups of popcorn without butter or salt. I tried to tell myself it was ok but I felt majorly guilty afterward and knew it wasn't worth it. The guilt was terrible and I know that I can't do that again. Friday, I had, well a major blow out. I didn't realize that it would have caused loose stools. I was at work eating beef broth with my salas and fat-free yogurt and a wave hit me. It was a warm sweaty feeling when I realized that I needed to jump up and Run to the bathroom. That was an unusual experience for me because I have been constipated most of my life. I have been teased by my family that I was born with a cork in my heiny. Needless to say that was an unusual experience. However, I haven't had a BM since and I know there has to be another one coming. Is this normal? I really don't know. I would assume it would be to clean out your intestines. Wow....something should have prepared me for that. I have been able to cut out all of my caffeine without difficulty. Which really surprised me. I was completely afraid that I would have trouble with headaches. But, alas, no problem. I have been drinking my water. Lots of it. But I do give myself 1 decaf cup of pepsi a day. I know eventually I need to give those up too. But for 2 weeks I wanted to enjoy that too. Monday starts my exercise routine. I have lots of exercise tapes that I have used over the years that I plan on using. Walk away the pounds and Taebo are my favorites. So I guess that I will start that in the morning and walk during my lunch at work. I stepped on the scale this morning and if it is correct I have lost 6 pounds already. Which is hard for me to accept. I can't believe that its true. There has to be something wrong with my scale. I couldn't have lost 6 pounds in 6 days. I haven't been doing anything to lose it. Oh well. I definately will still keep track tho and I will keep you posted. Hang in there to all the newbies like me. We can do it.

FYI...I am a RN that is why I feel comfortable talking about all of this.

Well, today my husband and I met the surgeon and dietitian for the first time. The doctor knew I was serious. He even laughed because of my enthusiasm. Luckily, I had done alot of research and knew what was expected of me. My weight was 247.6. I can't believe that at 5'2" I can even walk with as much weight as I am carrying.  Unfortunately I have to lose 20 lbs. Wow...seems like alot of weight. After the appointment my husband and I went grocery shopping. Most of the money was spent getting veggies. It was exciting getting all the different veggies. I hope I can fix them the way they need to be and keep the flavors that I needed. I am going to check and see if I can find recipes on this website.  I have already started the liver reduction diet tonight. I ate grilled chicken and for a veggie I had zucchini and squash. But right now I am craving something sweet. UGH!! Got to let the sweets go. I know in the end it will be worth it. Of course I already know that I have to give up caffeine and carbonated beverages. I also know that I am suppose to switch to artificial sweetener instead of sugar but artificial sweetener gives me migraines. And I don't want to cause the migraines to come back. I have my psych appointment on November 1. I am a little nervous. I am not sure what to expect. I will definitely do more research into that. Tomorrow at work I want to find an exercise class that I can be comfortable with. I will definitely have to join a class and help this first 20 lbs. along. I keep telling myself that it is a start. Just tonight its hard after losing my father-in-law. Right now I feel like I have a little headache and I feel hungry. My stomach hasn't started rumbling yet. So I am questioning if it is really hunger or cravings. I keep telling myself that this time next year I will be buying fall and winter clothes in a smaller size. I wonder when the best time to do that is? Hmmm....Things to ponder.

Well, tomorrow would have been my first appointment with Dr. Evanston. Unfortunately, my father-in-law passed away and I needed to cancel the appointment. However, I was able to schedule an appointment for Monday at 12:30 pm with Dr. Mattar. I am really nervous now. He is the director of Clarian Bariatrics. This of course has made me more nervous. Yes, I am in mourning right now and all I can do is think about my father-in-law. He was a very important soul in my life. He was the dad that would always listen to me and would always be interested in what was going on in my life. I will miss his laughter and smile. But the one thing I will miss the most is the sparkle in his eye. Luckily, my husband has the same sparkle. I know if dad knew that I postponed my appointment that he would be shaking his head. He was one of those that believed life will go on. And he is so right. I know life will go on and be just as special knowing he is in my corner in heaven. But for now I am going to take the weekend and mourn a wonderful man. But then come Monday..Look out world here I come. : )