Toni Ocean

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i have my surgery date!  january 15, 2008.  i could have had it a week earlier, but it would mean switching to a liquid diet before christmas, and i'm not willing to do that. 

i need this christmas as my last christmas like this.  i need to say goodbye to the person i've been.  while there are parts of me that say 'good riddance!!!' there is another part of me that recognizes the need to grieve. 

i expect my excitement over the coming weight loss--and all of the surrounding benefits--to get me through the two weeks of liquid diet. 

there'll be more later.

surgery consult at 9 am in everett.  it's only 45 miles from here, but traffic-wise it could take quite awhile to get there.  i'm leaving in less than half an hour to give myself plenty of time.  i'd rather be early than risk missing the appointment.

after the appointment, a bit of shopping and then home to start my 12 day vacation in earnest!

financing has been approved!  i had thought i would need a cosigner, and i don't...that was a really big relief (unless you've ever had money problems, this may not make sense).

i'll be doing my sleep study at home in the next week or so. 
i expect that when i have the surgical consult tomorrow morning, i'll leave the office with my surgery date!  can you say 'yippee!'?  i can!!!

had an email chat with my gp doc this morning.  he's made the referral for the sleep study (i have my consult for that on wednesday, 12/19), and have been told that i could conceivably have the actually overnight during the week after christmas.  that would put me right on track to have surgery in january! 

i have a surgical consult next friday (12/21), and will have the sleep study info for the doc. 

my gp also prescribed a new med to stop my coughing (from the crud that's going around).  it's working well.  i'm feeling hopeful that i'll be able to sleep tonight.  and if i can sleep tonight, i can probably sleep tomorrow!

i had a consult with the nurse today.  90 minutes of uninterrupted time...conversation, connection, someone excited with me.  it was GOOD. 

there are three pre-op things to be done:  1 is a sleep study (too many risk factors, although i'm pretty sure i don't have apnea), 2 is a fasting blood sugar, and 3 is potassium level.  my insurance will probably cover those. 

i've got an email in to my general practitioner doc about scheduling those tests.  as soon as the sleep study is scheduled, i'll get my date.

now a little grouse about the old doctor--the one i fired.  i got the bill from the hospital today.  i also got a bill from the lab.  i didn't know there was going to be a $500 lab charge.  as i've mentioned before, i didn't know about any of the pre-op testing costs.  they didn't tell me.   

i've attempted to contact the hospital patient liaison--the one who can have an impact on the information given to patients--and she hasn't called me back.  i will keep trying.

and i won't let that negative experience color the new experiences that i'm having with the new clinic!

there are two kinds of time:

chronos time:  this is the time of the calendar or the clock.  this is time that is measured!

kairos time:  this is the fullness of time, or when the time is right.

lots of people live chronos time exclusively.  schedules and lists.  there's nothing wrong with this--and i frequently live here almost exclusively!

kairos time is more elusive.  when you get to kairos time, the thing you seek (going to school, going on a diet, having wls) is easier to attain.  you're able to face your fears.

over the past several years i've discovered that i'm great at losing weight.  i've lost over 100 pounds on 2 separate occasions.  i really suck at keeping it off.  i'm currently at my all time highest weight with a bmi of 60+.  shrinking 2 inches in the past couple of years doesn't help.  lol

this fall, i've had increasing issues with pain in my knees and hips.  i take narcotic pain medication daily in order to function.  i'm glad it's available, and i don't want to live this way. 

my doctor signed off for me to get a handicapped placard for my car.  i've begun using a cane when the pain is particularly bad.  again, i don't want to live this way.

so i'm seizing my kairos time.  working hard to find a way to pay for this expensive procedure that will provide the tool i need to keep off the weight i lose.  it's good, and it's the right time!